No, this post isn’t about winning a stupid contest. Although it does refer to one that was about winning a stupid contest. Said post was the one in which I nominated myself for Queen of the Internets for receiving a gold unicorn badge from a Canadian clown. I figured it would only be fitting, then, to like my own post. Because I did like it. It had a UNICORN. Here is what WordPress told me:
This just makes me want to like all my posts from now on.
I’m not sure why WordPress is concerned about our inflated egos. I mean, at this moment, bloggers like Le Clown have egos bigger than our biggest state: Canada.*
I like my blog. It’s special, and not just because it has a gold unicorn, although, seriously, can you get better than this freaking thing?
But it’s not just that badge. I have OTHERS. And another one I really love is my Canvas badge, because I am now a Canvas author. To be a Canvas author, you have to be nuts. I know, right? I totally qualify. Just kidding. You actually have to be approved by Ruby, who has a really cool blog that I am going to promote again called The Canvas of the Minds. It’s a mental health blog. People are going to go visit just to get us to shut up. I know they will.
When I’m not writing about removing the stigma from mental health, I’m writing about removing the threat of zombies. As a proud member of the Zombie Apocalypse Task Force I thanklessly work to rid out country of this menace. There are still many more though, thanks to Reality T.V. If you want to join this effort, suck up to Love and Lunchmeat. You’ll get this awesome zombie bling.
Is that all the fame I have acquired you may ask? No, it is not. I also have this badge, which is awesome because it has a Meerkat and a dirty word that I will have to cover up when I show this post to my kids in the same way I cover most stuff with bad language. I will read it as an entirely different word. Fools them every time, even though they’ve been able to read quite a while now. At least they tell me it does.
See how I sneaked him in there? That one came from Elaine4Queen who said if I mentioned her I would get mentioned on her blog in her awards category. Freaking sneaky, isn’t it? I like this kind of award because you’re not expected to do anything for it, and I am lazy. Which reminds me of another lazy award that is totally awesome.
If you want to get this award, you just have to go to Dotty’s blog. Oh, and there’s some questions I’m supposed to answer. Let’s see here:
QUESTIONS TO ANSWER
1. How many bricks do you own?
Lots. They’re on my house. I tried to count but I got bored after 1 and went back and messed around on the Internet. Also, my husband probably has some lying around the yard somewhere. He’s a collector.
2. How many Cumberland sausages can you fit in your mouth without chewing?
I’m another clueless one that doesn’t know what a Cumberland sausage is and won’t look it up. But I do love McDonald’s sausage biscuits. I think I can safely get one sausage biscuit wedged into my mouth at one time. But I like to savor the unhealthiness bite by bite.
3. What is your most inventive way of using biscuits (or cookies if you’re American)?
After reading that 5o Shades book, I’m not sure if I should answer this one. But one inventive thing to do with cookies is give a ginger snap to your unsuspecting three-year-old who bites down on something as hard as concrete and looks at you like “Why has thou betrayed me?”
4. If it was made compulsory to have a mental illness which one would you choose and why? (If you have a mental illness already you have to choose another).
I think I would choose Multiple Personality Disorder because then you could be your own friend. In spite of my earlier posts, I don’t actually have real multiple personalities like the main character in a book I’m reading, I just pretend. Shut UP, subconscious!
Okay, moving on. Are you still with me? Good. So here’s the last award I’m going to mention. It came from Mr. MaryfoofooPoppins (not really his name, check his blog to find out) at a Spoonful of Suga and requires some more work on my part. It’s a chain mail award, but I don’t care because it is my chain mail award. Here it is.
I am very appreciative of this award because it’s pretty and says I’m “Kreativ”. Do you get it? It’s Kreativ because of the spelling of Kreativ. Oh, hey, there are questions for me to answer too. I’m supposed to tell you 7 things about myself and nominate 7 other bloggers.
1. I like to like my own posts.
2. I have a lot of awards. See?
3. I write on another blog. It’s called Canvas of the Minds, in case you forgot.
4. I am a sneaky blogger.
5. A sneaky blogger that is also mental.
6. A sneaky, mental blogger that won a gold unicorn award.
7. I am too lazy to nominate individuals, so everyone who reads my blog can have this award. Ta-da!
Okay, I think I’m done for now. Enjoy basking in my success. Also, if you want to join my success and be featured in my blog, send me bling. I hear Angie at Childhood Relived gets bling and I want bling too. If you must, steal hers, but be sneaky about it, okay?
Love me FOREVER,
P.S. Everyone, quick, like your own posts. Because you’re worth it.
*I don’t believe them that it’s a real country. I still think it’s a state. We got it in that Louisiana Purchase thing where the French said, le pfft, take it all, we’re drunk on French wine. Also, Texas believes it’s still its own country, and the rest of the country, I think, is inclined to let them (I love my state). So it only follows, using my logic system, that if Texas is a state and thinks it’s a country, then Canada must be a state. Makes total sense.