Winning!

No, this post isn’t about winning a stupid contest.  Although it does refer to one that was about winning a stupid contest.  Said post was the one in which I nominated myself for Queen of the Internets for receiving a gold unicorn badge from a Canadian clown.  I figured it would only be fitting, then, to like my own post.  Because I did like it. It had a UNICORN.  Here is what WordPress told me:

Yes I did, WordPress.

This just makes me want to like all my posts from now on. 

I’m not sure why WordPress is concerned about our inflated egos.  I mean, at this moment, bloggers like Le Clown have egos bigger than our biggest state: Canada.*

I like my blog.  It’s special, and not just because it has a gold unicorn, although, seriously, can you get better than this freaking thing?

No, you can’t.

But it’s not just that badge.  I have OTHERS.  And another one I really love is my Canvas badge, because I am now a Canvas author.  To be a Canvas author, you have to be nuts.  I know, right?  I totally qualify.  Just kidding.  You actually have to be approved by Ruby, who has a really cool blog that I am going to promote again called The Canvas of the Minds.  It’s a mental health blog.  People are going to go visit just to get us to shut up.  I know they will.

I’m not shutting up until there’s like 100 likes on this blog, even if I have to make them all myself. Keep up, WordPress.

When I’m not writing about removing the stigma from mental health, I’m writing about removing the threat of zombies.  As a proud member of the Zombie Apocalypse Task Force I thanklessly work to rid out country of this menace.  There are still many more though, thanks to Reality T.V.  If you want to join this effort, suck up to Love and Lunchmeat.  You’ll get this awesome zombie bling.

Zombie bling. Everyone wants some.

Is that all the fame I have acquired you may ask?  No, it is not.  I also have this badge, which is awesome because it has a Meerkat and a dirty word that I will have to cover up when I show this post to my kids in the same way I cover most stuff with bad language.  I will read it as an entirely different word.  Fools them every time, even though they’ve been able to read quite a while now.  At least they tell me it does.

I love this little guy.

See how I sneaked him in there?  That one came from Elaine4Queen who said if I mentioned her I would get mentioned on her blog in her awards category.  Freaking sneaky, isn’t it?  I like this kind of award because you’re not expected to do anything for it, and I am lazy.  Which reminds me of another lazy award that is totally awesome.

See, it even has a cool flag from some place that may or may not also be one of our states.

If you want to get this award, you just have to go to Dotty’s blog.  Oh, and there’s some questions I’m supposed to answer.  Let’s see here:

QUESTIONS TO ANSWER

1.  How many bricks do you own?

Lots.  They’re on my house.  I tried to count but I got bored after 1 and went back and messed around on the Internet.  Also, my husband probably has some lying around the yard somewhere.  He’s a collector.

2.  How many Cumberland sausages can you fit in your mouth without chewing?

I’m another clueless one that doesn’t know what a Cumberland sausage is and won’t look it up.  But I do love McDonald’s sausage biscuits.  I think I can safely get one sausage biscuit wedged into my mouth at one time.  But I like to savor the unhealthiness bite by bite.

3.  What is your most inventive way of using biscuits (or cookies if you’re American)?

After reading that 5o Shades book, I’m not sure if I should answer this one.  But one inventive thing to do with cookies is give a ginger snap to your unsuspecting three-year-old who bites down on something as hard as concrete and looks at you like “Why has thou betrayed me?”

4.  If it was made compulsory to have a mental illness which one would you choose and why? (If you have a mental illness already you have to choose another).

I think I would choose Multiple Personality Disorder because then you could be your own friend.  In spite of my earlier posts, I don’t actually have real multiple personalities like the main character in a book I’m reading, I just pretend.  Shut UP, subconscious!

Okay, moving on.  Are you still with me?  Good.  So here’s the last award I’m going to mention.  It came from Mr. MaryfoofooPoppins (not really his name, check his blog to find out) at a Spoonful of Suga and requires some more work on my part.  It’s a chain mail award, but I don’t care because it is my chain mail award.  Here it is.

Warning: contains misspelled word. It should be Kreativ Bloger.

I am very appreciative of this award because it’s pretty and says I’m “Kreativ”.  Do you get it?  It’s Kreativ because of the spelling of Kreativ.  Oh, hey, there are questions for me to answer too.  I’m supposed to tell you 7 things about myself and nominate 7 other bloggers.

1. I like to like my own posts.

2. I have a lot of awards.  See?

3. I write on another blog.  It’s called Canvas of the Minds, in case you forgot.

4. I am a sneaky blogger.

5.  A sneaky blogger that is also mental.

6. A sneaky, mental blogger that won a gold unicorn award.

7. I am too lazy to nominate individuals, so everyone who reads my blog can have this award.  Ta-da!

Okay, I think I’m done for now.  Enjoy basking in my success.   Also, if you want to join my success and be featured in my blog, send me bling.  I hear Angie at Childhood Relived gets bling and I want bling too.  If you must, steal hers, but be sneaky about it, okay? 

Love me FOREVER,

Alice

P.S. Everyone, quick, like your own posts.  Because you’re worth it. 

*I don’t believe them that it’s a real country.  I still think it’s a state.  We got it in that Louisiana Purchase thing where the French said, le pfft, take it all, we’re drunk on French wine.  Also, Texas believes it’s still its own country, and the rest of the country, I think, is inclined to let them (I love my state).  So it only follows, using my logic system, that if Texas is a state and thinks it’s a country, then Canada must be a state.  Makes total sense.

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23 responses

  1. I enjoy the wordpress shaming. It inspires me. I’m going to like all my posts too once I actually write one again. Congratulations on all your badges. I think you should design and “I read Fifty Shades and will never look at ice cream the same” badge.

    1. Yes! We do need a badge, don’t we? I need to figure out how to make one. Or we could just make Le Clown do it. Except he might add a unicorn, and unicorns and Fifty Shades are a scary combination.

      1. You both need a purple heart badge for slogging through that Fifty Shades of Ass. I will make one for you.

        1. Yes! A Madame Weebles badge!

  2. Oh you lovely nutter you do make me laugh….if I get any more awards I shall pass along the bling ;) xx

    1. Lovely nutter is one of the best compliments I’ve ever gotten. I promise to pass on my bling too.

      Bling I just KNOW I’m going to get. Right?

  3. Oh, gentle Alice, it isn’t about me approving of you! I don’t do that, at least I try not to, on principle, you know. The Canvas thing has all kinds of complicated mechanization behind it that I am not at liberty to discuss. Okay, that’s BS, but it’s my official answer, and there are some algorithms involved at least.

    That lovely badge that you have displayed was designed by my amazing co-founder and co-mama, Lulu. That isn’t really relevant, I just like to mention it wherever possible, because I think Lulu and her badge are pretty badass, and I feel lucky to have her.

    You are pretty awesome yourself, it’s pretty obvious from all those fancy stickers. Actually, you know I loved you (I hope) long before you had all that not-so-hard hardware. And I’m glad the rest of the blogging world is getting to see it, too.

    By the way, the message you get when you like your own post took me by surprise the first time I saw it (because of course I’ve seen it more than once). It used to just give you the same form it gave for all likes, complete with posts from yourself you might have missed. Though that last but was helpful, as I tend to miss a great deal. And in the sentence before this, it’s supposed to say bit, not but, but I can see my phone and I are having one of those mornings.

    1. Also, regarding my first paragraph, I really should have put something in there about also not disapproving of people. I steer clear of that one as well.

      1. You don’t mean you accept anyone do you? Cause that way I didn’t WIN over other people and you are not helping my insanely competitive spirit here.

        Kidding as usual – I should just have an emoticon for when I am not being smartass – that would be easier.

        1. It’s fortunate, then that I speak fluent smartass.

    2. Lol. I’m glad I passed the algorithms since I don’t know what that means. Lulu’s badge is beautiful and badass. I thought the “you liked yourself message” was too good not to post. Shame on wordpress for not elevating our self esteem, right?

      I love you too, Ruby, as you know. Bunches. Now send me bling. :D

  4. Love you forever! …….that sounds creepy.
    Congratulations on all your awards! :D

    1. That reminds me – there is a seriously creepy children’s book of that same name. That could be a series of blog posts right there.

  5. Oh I like the WordPress who suppression. Now I’m gonna have to like my own blog too. I like the idea of an “I have read 50 shades so please excuse any brain leakage” award

    1. My stupid phone changed the word ” ego” to “who”. It should read ego suppression Oh look in replying to my own message. Perhaps WP has an award for that too

      1. I also reply to myself. Also, I email myself. It’s always fun to get new mail.

        They probably DO have an award for that. I wonder if they would press a post with lots and lots of pictures of food and a recipe for WordPress Salad that I stole off someone else’s blog. I think that would rock. The “you plagiarized with style” award.

      2. Plagiarizing from one source is stealing; plagiarizing from many sources is research. You get a Resourceful Researcher award!!

    2. I bet they would suppress the Who too, which is why they don’t have a blog. That I know of.

      Please excuse my brain leakage has a nice ring to it. Speaker and I can discuss it with our non agents.

  6. Canada is a state. I’ve been there. It’s just North of Michigan, and they speak English. Mostly. Well, they smiled and nodded at me anyway. Hmmm. Now, I’m kind of unsure…

    Congrats Alice! You deserve it all. And you already know I’m jealous of your golden unicorn.

    1. Thank you. I set the bar pretty high at unicorns. I hear they frolick in Canada, and Canadians shoot them during unicorn season and put their heads on their walls. And drink beer. It’s like a national holiday or something.

  7. [...] just returned from a trip down the rabbit hole, where Alice at Wonderland reports how WordPress shamed her for liking her own blog post. Well, obviously I had to try it for [...]

  8. [...] it, but this bit is somewhat overdue. I have a new taker for the sneakyfucker award. The intriguing aliceatwonderland has claimed it for her own. AND in related news, I have just been given another award myself! [...]

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