Behind the Fairy Tale: Snow White

title_snow_white_seven_dwarfs_blu-ray

Our first princess is Snow White.  This was Disney’s first feature-length fairy tale movie.  Like most Disney films, characters would break out into song at random times.  Who doesn’t remember “Some day my prince will come.”, “Whistle while you work.” (this one sort of breaks the princess code), or “Hi-ho.”  The dwarfs definitely got more of a role in Disney’s movie, with each dwarf being given a respectful name regarding some personality quirk.  Sleepy, Sneezy, Grumpy, Bashful, Dopey, Doc.  I’m not sure what the Doc one meant.  And I forget the seventh one at the moment – Stinky?  I’m just glad most of us aren’t given names in that matter.  Pretty sure I’d be “Lazy”.

Ohhh the other dwarf was Happy - figures I'd forget that one.

Ohhh the other dwarf was Happy – figures I’d forget that one.

Now Snow suffers from some of the themes I mentioned last time. Her mom dies right after giving her that pretentious name, and stupid dad decides to marry again. Keeping in mind that he has a kingdom to run and a young daughter to raise, he seeks a queen using the best prerequisites ever.  Is she a hottie?  Yes.  Hurray, welcome to the family!  Oops, time to die.  And as soon as he’s toast (it was natural causes right?) stepmother reveals her true colors, which are black, black, and black.

So right off the bat, we’ve got the princess affected by parents who were kind of stupid and now dead, and a stepmother who is alive and evil.  But Snow White is beautiful and sweet and innocent (cough, dumb).  The evil queen has her priorities straight.  She must be the most beautiful woman in the land.  I wouldn’t think that too hard, since as far as I can tell, she’s one of the only women in the land.  You never see any other subjects, with the exception of the dwarfs and the huntsman.  It would also have to make ruling much easier.

Gee, she seemed so nice before . . .

Gee, she seemed so nice before . . .

So she talks to this mirror all the time, and the mirror talks back.  Schizophrenia?  No, silly, it’s magic.  She could probably ask it anything, but only asks it if she is still top model.  This has to be boring as heck for the mirror, which is why he finally says “Nope, it ain’t you, sweetheart, it’s the kid.”  I can’t think of any other reason why Snow White was not the fairest one day and then the next day suddenly was the fairest.

So this is bad news for Snow.  The queen decides to destroy her beauty by – gasp – making her do chores.  But this doesn’t work, because Snow just goes out and happily mops the concrete while singing.  Not only that, her singing attracts some prince who was out wandering around and of course immediately falls in love with her.  I find this a little creepy, since in the Disney version she looks about twelve while the prince looks more like 22 or so.  But anyway, they sing and Snow acts all scared and he leaves and the queen gets really cheesed off and decides Snow White must die.

Heyyyy, how you doin'?  Am I not fabulous?

Heyyyy, how you doin’? Am I not fabulous?

She doesn’t do it herself, though, which is the downfall of every villain.  Instead she sends her wimpy huntsman with the simple task of cutting out the heart of a child and bringing it back to her. Easy peasy.  He fails cause she’s just so gosh darn cute, and tells her to run away into the scary forest where she can die slowly.  She does, has a major panic attack thinking the trees are out to get her, and then passes out.  When she wakes, all these animals show up and decide to eat her for dinner.  Just kidding.  They think she’s cute too, and so lead her to a nice little cottage.

This cottage isn’t abandoned – it’s owned by little children, she thinks.  Awww.  She takes the liberty of cleaning it for them.  I wish Snow would show up at my house.  Anyway, the dwarfs, who happen to be actual men though she continues to treat them like children (way to empower little people, Disney) also fall in love with her and let her stay.  But the queen realizes Snow’s still alive cause she is still not top model, so she decides, finally, to do the job herself.

Time to stop hittin' the bottle, queenie.

Time to stop hittin’ the bottle, queenie.

She disguises herself as a kindly old lady selling door to door apples.  Though she doesn’t quite get the “kindly” part right, because she is seriously disturbing.  Snow is stupid, though, and lets her in anyway, and eats some of the apple, and bam, drops dead.  Well, not totally dead, just asleep until some true love wakes her up but like that’s gonna happen when she’s buried, right?  Well, no, cause the dwarfs can’t bear to shove her in the ground!  Instead they make her a glass coffin so they can watch her body decompose in real time.  Cool.  They chase the queen off a mountain and she falls to a typical Disney plummet death so no one has to see blood.

What a sweet little old lady!

What a sweet little old lady!

In the original fairy tale, Snow is even stupider.  The queen comes by THREE times to kill her.  Once she laces her up too tight and nearly suffocates her, but the dwarfs come by and unlace her.  Another time she gives her a poison comb, but the dwarfs remove it.  Then she gives her the apple.  And she doesn’t wake with a kiss either.  Nope, the prince shows up, falls in love with the DEAD BODY and decides to drag it along behind him.

The coffin bumps, and she upchucks the apple and comes back to life.  WTF?  I mean, first off what was he going to do with the body if she hadn’t woken up?  And second, I’m pretty sure if the oxygen is blocked off to your brain that long, you’re gonna be dead even if someone gives you the Heimlich.  But still, Snow decides to marry this guy anyway.  So maybe she DID lose a lot more oxygen to her brain, which is bad since she didn’t have much to begin with.  Oh, well, happily ever after!

So how much do you want for her?  I'm thinking of propping her up on the front porch.

Next Time on Pickers:
So how much do you want for her? I’m thinking of propping her up on the front porch.

But back to the Disney version, which isn’t nearly as disturbing now, is it?  The prince shows up, decides to kiss the body (ew) and she wakes up.  Yay!  He picks her up in his arms and they ride away to his castle, the end.  No word on what happens when they get there.  Or what happens to the castle where the queen lived.  I wonder if the prince has anybody to rule over or if they just sit and twiddle their thumbs as well.  And what about the dwarfs?  Do they just go back to digging in the mines for gold and rubies which they then – what – eat?  What the heck do they do with all that stuff?  You’d think the queen would forget Snow White and just steal all the jewels they have buried in the back yard.  Priorities, people, priorities.

Okay, when their backs are turned, rush 'em!

Okay, when their backs are turned, rush ‘em!

So one fairy tale down, dozens to go.  Stay tuned for Cinderella and The Bachelor.

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37 responses

  1. That’s a super great bedtime story! Thanks! I wonder what the people around her said as they noticed there lives a girl together with 7 guys… If I had asked my mother to spend time in a shack together with 7 guys, I know the answer in advance :o)

    1. I actually saw an awful dirty movie that discussed this and – I can never unsee it, ever.

      1. Alice if you tell me the name I’ll watch it and write a review lol

  2. I believe Snow White was only supposed to be about 14, so she was still going through puberty. Therefore, it’s possible that she wasn’t the fairest one day and then suddenly she was.

    Of course, her being 14 makes just about everything else in the story even more disturbing.

    1. So then, like, she started her period and the mirror went WHOAAA, okay, back the truck up!

      1. Apparently. Then again, in those days, 14 was probably considered prime birthing years.

        By the way, I love this series.

      2. Wait, so is the apple really a metaphor?

        Mind blown…

        1. Blood red, just like her lips!

  3. These princes that go around kissing dead girls, they need help.
    And wouldn’t it have been easier to just leave Snow out in the sun for a while and let her tan? She’s not the fairest, yay, everybody go back to their business.

    1. Haha, yeah, her whiteness was baked to a golden brown, can’t have that!

  4. This is great! I love writing about childhood movies and shows! If you’re ever interested, feel free to guest post on my other blog kidzshowz.wordpress.com. This post would be perfect! :)

    1. That would be fun. I also have a series of children’s TV and book reviews – it’s under the Wonderland Reviews tab.

  5. Dopey is the best part about this movie. I don’t even know what else happens in it. Was there other stuph?

    1. Who cares? Don’t you love it when Dopey tries to run around and get a second kiss? Dirty little dwarf.

      1. Hey, do you blame him? It was the fairest ladeh in the land, after all.

          1. Dopey was bald, too. Chicks dig bald guys. So I hear…

  6. All these fairy tales are pretty disturbing, I can’t even start to imagine the stench of Snow after being dead for so long, and yet the prince kissed her. Necrophilia at its best.

    1. No kidding. I mean, I guess she was supposed to be sleeping under a spell, but THEY didn’t know that. So he thought he was kissing a dead person. Either way, yuuuuck.

  7. Now see, I never knew she was actually DEAD, just like..you know, a deep coma or some shit. That is fucking nasty. In real time.

    1. I think she’s supposed to be in some spell induced coma in the Disney one, but like the prince knows that? He just thinks she’s dead. Not sure about the original – can you go into a coma because of an apple lodged in the throat? Is an accidental Heimlich a good reason to marry a guy?

  8. Yeah, I’m pretty sure if a hunched, warty, toothless woman came to my doorstep and offered me an apple, I’d refuse it…

    1. I think that would be wise. Heck, I don’t even buy from Girl Scouts, just to be sure.

  9. I can’t make up my mind. You are either ruining these movies for me and I’m going to hate sitting through them when it is time to show them to the Little Prince… Or, you are making them that much better because I’ll have so much to laugh about while watching them.

    Probably the latter. ;-)

    1. I hope so. It makes it so much better when you can laugh at the stuff. If you’re looking for something the Prince might watch sooner than you’d like, you can look under my Children’s TV Reviews . . . maybe you’ll get lucky and Dora will vamanos before the Prince starts getting into it.

      1. !Que triste! I’m all super excited about Dora and all her exploring! Is Barney still around? What about those Mighty Morphing Power Rangers?

        Heading over to check out your TV reviews shortly. ;-)

  10. So let me get this straight

    - the Prince in this kisses a dead girl,

    Hmmm what else . . .

    - the Prince in Sleeping Beauty kisses a drugged girl,
    - the frankly desperate sounding Prince in Cinderella falls in love with her shoes after knowing her for a few minutes (foot fetish?),
    - Belle from Beauty and the Beast falls for an animal (bestiality?),
    - Aladdin has a creepy old guy wanting to marry a teenage girl and a weird older genie guy who grants a teenage boy’s wishes,

    I’m starting to think Disney has some questionable morals!

    ~ Amy

    1. Yeah, and we haven’t even gotten to The Hunchback of Notre Dame with the deformed man, a pole-dancing gypsy and a lustful priest.

  11. Okay, we think that’s the best review of Snow White ever!! Hi Alice, we are new to your Rabbit hole by way of mutual blogging friend, Carrie Rubin. What an awesome post, that had us laughing from the get-go! Although we’ve never been a fan of Snow White. We are huge Disney fans, Inion’s favorite being Beauty & the Beast and/or your blogs namesake…Dear Alice. My favorite being Sleeping Beauty which I just heard was coming out in a movie very soon. But when you break them down as you did, you really have to wonder if the people we’re on shrooms when they wrote these. Coarse, most fairy tales come from dark roots, the story-catcher Brothers Grimm showing this in their collection. We happen to luv the darker side of these tales that show a wicked, portrayal of the very stories we tucked our children to bed with. So while we thought Disney was doing their best to bring light to a much needed dark space. Perhaps it’s Disney staying true to the freakish fables & keeping them where they belong. We look forward to stopping by & reading more of your amazing posts! Until then, this is Dwarf Sarcastic & Dwarf Neurotic signing off!

    1. So glad you came over! I actually am a Disney fan as well, which is why I know way too much useless information about these movies.

  12. I prefer Snow in “Once Upon a Time”. She’s hot and she kicks serious ass.

    1. I haven’t gotten into that show yet. I hear it’s good.

      1. I didn’t hold out much expectation until I saw it – it is surprisingly good (IMO).

  13. There’s always something about Disney, the way that good always conquers, but you don’t get the gore. Where’s the fun without the gore?

    1. Yeah. We could totally use more gore. What gives, Disney?

      1. I suspect they think it might frighten the children.

        I did just have a thought about Disney films. There’s a lot of implied necrophillia and beastiality, as well as slightly wet female characters. I think I’ve just worked out where Stephanie Meyer got her inspiration…

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