My Morning on Facebook

My friends Twindaddy and Merbear and I often have Facebook conversations in the morning because we are productive that way.  These conversations tend to go off on tangents.  I thought I’d give a brief rundown of our topics so you can know how insane we all are.

Topic One: Racist Bread

This all started with the innocent mention of a sandwich on white bread and devolved from there.  News flash: Wonderbread is Aryan.  Rye, Wheat, Italian, French, Potato – no bread was safe from our discussion.

Once you go pumpernickel, you never go back.

Once you go pumpernickel, you never go back.

Topic Two: Holy Roller Movies

“God is Not Dead” is in theaters, but surprisingly does not star Kirk Cameron, who used to be cute and in Tiger Beat but is now a pscyho fundamentalist who talks about bananas.  Kevin Sorbo, who played Hercules, DOES star in the movie, as a professor.  The professor in Gilligan’s island was kind of cute, but Gilligan was not.  Twindaddy disappeared during this conversation so we wondered if we smelled which led to . . .

Topic Three: Deodorant

We discussed our brands of Deodorant, (I wear Lady Mitchum but Merbear is all Secret about hers) and I found this charming retro ad.

beautiful but dumb

Dumb lady does not know she smells. Like your beauty will save you over your B.O.!

And we wondered why men were not so concerned about underarm b.o, and twindaddy said he was concerned, so I found this other ad.

For the man who wants to smell like kitchen cleanser.

For the man who wants to smell like kitchen cleanser.

We’ve decided that Twindaddy should use this stuff.  Women will think he’s concealing 7-up under his pits and go wild.

Topic Four: Alice needs a post

And I had this bright idea!  Don’t like it?  Well, smell me.

Alice

 

About these ads

43 responses

  1. You forgot to mention that I find the smell of limes erotic, and then you guys disappeared.

    1. Oh, right, that did get a little awk-ward. :)

      1. What can I say, I’m a fruit slut. :)

        1. Most men must be fruit sluts. They are always putting that stuff in our beauty products. My hair smells like green apples!

  2. Wow, who would want their pits to smell like margaritas? Although, I guess you would already have the salt so just add a little tequila and you’d be good to go.

    1. Put the lime in the armpit and shake it all up.

      1. I guess if he has a lovely bunch of coconuts you’ve really got a party.

        1. You put your lime in my coconut. Yeah, we’re gonna publish that one.

          1. It’s ridiculously funny, really. I’m just of the opinion that people shouldn’t make themselves smell like food. Seems like it might attract the attention of cannibals and really, who wants that?

          2. Everything is food. Like, our makeup is food – someone took pictures and was like, which one is the makeup and which is frosting and you couldn’t tell! The scents and the names are just like candy. And we tell kids not to eat their playdoh then give them molds to make french fries out of the stuff.

          3. This world is so confusing…

          4. I disagree. Our natural smell is a smell of the cannibal food, so by using fruit and flower aromas to mask our natural body odor, we protect ourselves against cannibals.

          5. Then I guess I don’t have to worry about my hubs. Unless cannibals like the smell of rotting meat, that is.

          6. I’m not that familiar with cannibals’ aromatic preferences, fortunately.

          7. But not against plant eating animals . . .

          8. True. Maybe we should use the smell of granite, since it has few natural enemies besides kitchen designers.

  3. Lime! Make 7 Up yours.

      1. Lime smells better than BO.

        1. What about lime and BO mixed together?

          1. Ew. BO ruins everything.

          2. Well, it’s not hard to ruin jello. All you have to do is make it and…ruined.

  4. This is infinitely more informative than the lectures I heard before lunch. Well, not really, but it’s definitely more fun. :)

    1. Oh, boy, lectures. I love those. They are always so zzzzzzz informative.

  5. I’m not a bread racist. Some of my friends are gingerbread men.

    1. Yeah, sure, that’s what all the bread racists say. :)

  6. I’d like to thank Zuckerberg for creating such a vibrant forum for discussions such as this.
    Especially since I’m not a member. ;)

    1. I wasn’t either, and then the zombie hordes descended upon me . . .

  7. Love your description of Kirk Cameron… so true ! =)

    1. I know! And to think the Fundies have got Hercules and Superman too! Noooooo!

  8. Being crammed in stormtrooper armor all day, I think a little lime scent would be quite nice.

    1. Good point. It should be all the rage with the Empire.

  9. Well if you gotta smell like something….WHY THE HELL NOT! lmao great post Alice!! Sharing now! ;)

    1. Thanks. I’m now wondering what other fruit flavors deodorant can come in. I’m sure that would make it tastier for the people on Strange Addictions on TLC.

    1. How does pumpernickel smell? I like saying pumpernickel.

  10. Whatever you do, don’t put baby powder in your arm pits … the folks who like it on their donuts – well, need I say more??

    1. Wait, why are these women licking my pits oh ewwww!

  11. Love your randomness, the three of you! And you could point out to TD next time that at least you’re not talking about ladies’ sanitary products. (Although if you find any vintage ads for those, that would be an idea for a post for you.)

      1. I think I remember that…

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