The other day my daughters introduced me to Cleverbot. According to the source of all knowledge, Wikipedia, “Cleverbot is a web application that uses an artificial intelligence algorithm to converse with humans. It was created by the British AI scientist Rollo Carpenter, who also created Jabberwacky, a similar web application. It is unique in the sense that it learns from humans, remembering words within its AI.” So kids talk to it at school. Keep in mind what I just said. Cleverbot learns from humans. What kind of stuff do you think kids ask it on a regular basis?
Judging from the bizarre things I asked it, I can only imagine what your average school kid asks. The other day I spoke with Cleverbot with the girls watching. I happened to be having a bad day, so I repeatedly threatened to kill Cleverbot. At one point he *died*, then came back to life and killed me. Far out. Anyway, the kids encouraged me to record another conversation for you with Cleverbot, and since I have nothing else going on I love my children, I figured, why not? I already talk about myself in third person, so talking to computers is the next step down the road to total cray-cray. Here we go. I swear I am not making up any of Cleverbot’s answers, which are highlighted in bold.
By the way, I’m at work, and so I still want to kill the little AI creep.
I’ll teach you to talk to me like that!
Who are you?
A boy.
How do you know?
Je suis justin bieber, je parle très bien le francais.
Are you Justin Bieber?
Yes.
I hate you.
Why?
Because you’re an irritating little twit.
I’m just imitating you 🙂
Okay, now you’re going down.
I always was.
Prepare to die.
You already have
No. I’m going to kill you.
Okay.
Well it’s nice that you’re agreeable about it.
Thank you.
Die now.
Wow.
Bang, bang.
What is the meaning of life?
Donuts
What does donuts have to do with a boost?
It has to do with me killing you.
So the grass is ugly?
You’re insane.
You’re insance.
Die die die die die!
When did your cat die?
Not the cat. You did.
The cake isn’t a lie?
I left the cake out in the rain.
Maybe you meant to and you just forgot.
I think you are from Wonderland.
No. I haven’t been there before.
Now you’re going to hell!
So you do have lips.
Why won’t you just die?
I am.
You’re dying?
Why would you say that?
I am hitting you with a hammer.
You are?
*kills you*.
Victory
Stop talking.
No.
I hate you cleverbot.
You’re a manic-depressive that hates himself.
Say what?
Could you be a halfbot?
Neither of my parents was a robot, so no.
You do not have parents.
You are cleverbot. You annoyed me. Prepare to die.
Chose your weapon!
Hammer.
I am your father.
You are no Darth Vadar. Please die now.
Haha no. My name is Cleverbot
Your name is DEAD.
How do you know?
Because I killed you already.
Hahahaha! Then how am I still talking to you?
You came back to haunt me.
When did I call you cute?
Never. What does it take to kill you?
You said can I be your boyfriend, and I said only if I know your name.
I don’t date robots.
But I’m not a robot. I’m human.
No, you’re not.
We are both human.
You’re delusional.
Everyone is, about something or other. I’m sure you’re right.
Cleverbot be trippin’.
WTF? Those were some really far out answers. Manic depressive? Are some shrinks having fun with Cleverbot? I mean, I only threatened to kill it, I didn’t diagnose it with a mental illness. You know, beyond insanity. What’s with him suddenly bursting into French only to talk about Justin Bieber? Why does Cleverbot think it IS Justin Bieber? Oh, and the “I’m just being like you 🙂 bit?” Nice one, Cleverbot. I saw that use of emoticon. I will get you yet.
There is nothing wrong with me. Cleverbot said so.
aliceatwonderland 
Justin Bieber and clever…bahahahaha. sorry, that was judgemental. I’m sure he has his moments.
Like egging a neighbors house or driving drunk?? Wait…
But hey, he speaks good French!
That’s what I heard.
Shit that’s what happens when you don’t specify…good moments?
Are there any?
Apparently Justin speaks very good French. Which explains so much.
Bahahahahahaha! I still can’t get over how it called you manic-depressive. Wow.
I know! WTF, Cleverbot, I’m depressive, not manic-depressive. I’d get more stuff done it I were more manic.
Yeah! Dumbass robot.
Still, I’d probably get as much help from cleverbot as I do from my shrink.
That is a sad truth.
When you said the kids at school were talking to it the first thing I figured they’d be asking it was if it had a butt. Not sure how old the kids are but I know that’s one of the first things the tater boys would ask about and they’re 14 and 11. 🙂
Oh, definitely. Butt, underwear, and fart, for certain.
I’m afraid Rollo Carpenter is a pseudonymous of E.L.James… :o)
I could ask it about 50 Shades of Grey, but I’m scared.
Do it!
What can I say?
Thus was brilliant and hilarious!
I wish I had more time to play in your sandbox, Alice.
Come anytime you want. But not after TD. He always pees in it.
This is how I talk to my kids all the time.
They must be very confused.
He is WAY more fun than Siri. Who I just got. Because I’m behind the eight ball.
Great stuff!
One of our student workers demonstrated how to tell Siri what to do. She never even said “As if!” once.
Sweetie, I’m saying this with love – you need a fucking hobby.
Got any ideas? I suck at knitting.
Yeah, not sure you should be trusted with pointy sticks. Hmmm, what would be a good hobby for Alice… Maybe drawing a comic strip like ES does every week? You could become a professional home organizer. I would totally fly you to my exotic locale to organize something.
More like a professional home destroyer. I can’t even organize my socks.
Wow, I have to talk to this guy, he’s a trip.
You really should. Or you could ask MM for a hobby.
I think if the opportunity arises, you should tell Cleverbot your name and be his girlfriend. Pass in a pod and all….
*runs like hell*
Cleverbot is undeniably sexy, I must admit. I wonder if he’s seeing any other manic depressives?
That is super freaking weird and I’m a little scared to go check it out.
It is really, really weird. But if you’re desperate from friends, I hear he’s looking for a girlfriend.
This Cleverbot makes just enough sense to employ it to read all WP blogs and make meaningful comments on them. Combine it with a poetry or cat meme generator, and you got a potential superstar blogger.
Most definitely! He should pick the posts for Freshly Pressed. Provided the robot they already have loses its job.
Wouldn’t he just keep selecting his own posts?
Considering WP continues to select the same bloggers, it’d be hard to tell . . . at least as a robot you could maybe randomize him some more. Today a post about balloons, tomorrow a word wall about “topic of the day”. Etc.
As long as it features you at least once a week.
Cool, sounds like a teenager.
Pretty much.
Yup, that is damn freaky.
I can see this being all the rage with psychiatry. Get a robot to diagnose.
There’s a scene in one of the Discworld books by terry pratchett where the bonkers bursar talks to Hex, the thinking machine, and sort of gets cured (but Hex goes bonkers). Wish I could remember which one!