50 Shades of Beating a Dead Horse

         Yes, that’s right gentle readers, I too have joined the bandwagon of 50 Shades of Grey.  I’ve been reading reviews of it for a while.  There are a couple of blogs that are covering this series.  They are awesome, each in their own right.  First is Jennifer Armintrout’s blog.  She goes chapter by chapter into the madness, and her comments are both insightful and hilarious.  Another of my favorites is Speaker7– I’m not sure your real name Speaker – who uses a creepy puppet and blue stuffed rabbit in the starring roles of Christian and Anastasia.  I do know the names of the puppet and rabbit – Hugo and Goofy.  If the movie does not use these two fab actors, it will be an absolute travesty.  Her blog makes me laugh so hard I think I’ve pulled something.  Fuckballs! 

                And that is part of the appeal.  If you’ve ever watched Mystery Science Theater 3000 (and if you haven’t, you simply must check it out) then you know that something can be so bad it’s good.  Or at least good to laugh at.  On MST3K, a man and his robot pals make awful movies bearable by shouting wisecracks at the screen.  The best shows involved movies that were intended to be serious and thought- provoking, but ended up sappy, stupid, or just plain awful instead. 

                This is what has made 50 Shades of Grey a bestseller, and a cult classic.   Judging from the reviews I have read, this book, while intended to be an epic romance,  is 110 percent awful for multiple reasons.  First because it is the love story of a sociopathic hero and his victim, er, true love.  Second is the fact that it is not just a rip-off, but a rip-off of Twilight, of all things.  (You can see my opinions on that in an earlier blog entry.) Third, and perhaps the biggest reason of all, is the terrible writing. 

                In case you haven’t noticed, I’ve not picked on the use of S&M in the book.  It’s not something I could imagine enjoying, since I tend to stay away from instruments of torture; but it’s none of my business what people do in their own bedrooms as long as it is consensual and between adults.  And there are plenty of romance novels that take smut to new levels.  The difference in 50 Shades and your average Harlequin is that this book has somehow crossed over into the mainstream.  Also, and this shouldn’t be forgotten, the sex scenes are so badly written that it’s hard to believe anyone could find them erotic.

                At least, that’s what I’ve discovered so far through the recaps of various brave souls on the Internet.  But recaps are not enough.  Like they say during presidential elections, you can’t really complain if you don’t get out there and vote.  Because every vote counts.  Ha, not really.  But it is hard to ethically give a bad review to something I haven’t read myself.  I need to experience the taste of Circus Peanuts in order to to fully inform you that they are the worst candy that has ever been created.  Therefore, despite their warnings, I just have to read this stupid book. Otherwise I might have to do something useful with my time, and I can’t have that.  So without further ado, in my next entry I will begin my recaps.

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7 responses

  1. You are brave. Fifty Shades is the circus peanuts of books. Thanks for the link! I completely agree that Hugo and Goofy are the only ones who can portray Christian and Ana.

    1. Thanks for all the funny blog posts! My dove candy wrapper tells me to “encourage my sense of daring” so this must be fate.

  2. ok, I’m really going to have to read (part of) the damn book. But not buy it. Maybe sneakily, at my local bookshop.

    1. Or you could be one of the 500 on the library’s waiting list. Seriously, they have really long waiting lists for these books.

  3. I ran into you from Speaker7’s blog. I’ve since been reading your blog posts backwards and have a couple more to go. You’ve been doing a great job! Very funny 🙂

    1. Thanks! Glad to have you.

  4. […] 50 Shades of Beating a Dead Horse – I decide to recap the 50 Shades series despite countless warnings and many others beating me to it.  I am an idiot.  (2012/08/06) […]

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