It’s amazing how much time you can waste trying to figure out how to outfit a blog. I think I’ve spent less time picking out my clothes. Actually, I know I’ve spent less time doing that. People at work will tell you so. Anyway, last night I decided to personalize my blog some because that seemed like an efficient use of my time. (By the way, do you like the new background? That only took 2,394 hours for me to figure out how to do!)
Here’s the thing, though. I’m still technologically inept. I didn’t grow up with computers, at least not like we have today. When I was a kid, we had the Apple IIc and we were HAPPY, dangit. We had floppy disks that stored like .000000001 bites of data each. This computer came with unique games, like this one where you made tiny little apples fall into a bin. ON THE EDGE OF YOUR SEAT EXCITEMENT PEOPLE. But still, we were satisfied, because what the heck did we know?
If you’ll notice, WordPress, I have been nice in my post. See, no dirty words yet! I don’t care what Sunday School says, “dangit” doesn’t count! Anyway, I am really hoping that someone knows how to do some of this stuff I’m trying to do because I have looked at your help site and it wasn’t much help. For one thing, there’s a lot of reading there, and who has time for that crap? (Crap is also okay, because that is a bodily function, am I right?) I need some help here, so I’m just going to post my questions, because when you put questions like this into the search box, for some reason you don’t find answers. Here we go.
1. How do you put a pic from your blog into the little box beside your name – the one that appears when you post comments? You know, the box thingie. WordPress doesn’t recognize “box thingie” in its search feature. Anyway, I know about gravatars, which frankly sounds like some sort of kidney disorder, but I can’t get it into the box. If you scroll over the box, you see my pic, but then it just goes back to that lame G for gravatar. Or worse, sparkles, and I don’t like sparkles, not after Twilight, you guyz. So help me out here because I’m already at maximum level for frustration, and you don’t want to see Librarian Rage.
2. My subtitle is white, and the background is white, so now you can’t see my fabulous subtitle (down the rabbit hole). My millions of viewers are going to get eyeball strain. How do I change the font type? How do I change the color of the font? How do I change the size of the font? Or do you have to pay for that? Cause if you do, that kind of sucks.
3. At one point, I swear there was this diagram thing where you could design where you wanted to put stuff on your blog. Now I can’t find it. I wanted to put a little note about the site where I found my original Alice in Wonderland pictures, because the originals are 1,000 times cooler than the Disney ones, no offense, Walt. The site is called Lenny’s Alice in Wonderland site (btw he knows how to put the picture thingies by his name too!) But I can’t put a note on my blog about it, nor can I put up my own copyright notice. Because I just KNOW there are people wanting to steal my stuff but it is mine so no you can’t you guyz! Plagiarizing is not cool, unless you’re pretty sure you can get away with it and make millions of dollars. Anyway, I need to know how to put that stuff on my blog. I wish I could just write it on the screen. That would be easier, but might affect the monitor’s performance. I dunno.
4. You know how some people have the static page (not like static electricity. A page that stays there. I think.) that has links on it so you can easily hop to that post so you don’t have to read any of their other crap? Saying they have crap you don’t want to read? Yeah, how do you do that? Because I’m willing to bet there are people who would prefer to skip a lot of my crap. I want a page with links. Like Speaker7 has on her page (although I like reading all of her crap) that lets you jump to whatever recrap you want. Like the one where Hugo / Christian puts playdough balls up Goofy / Ana’s “down there”. If you don’t understand what I’m talking about, then you should go see Speaker 7 because I’m busy here, people. Also, and this has nothing to do with WordPress, but you should know anyway because you want pics from us all the time, right? How do you write on photos? Like thought balloons making people say stupid stuff. I need to know how to do this.
5. Why do you call the posts you pick “Freshly Pressed”? That makes me think of mammograms. Just wondering.
Okay, I think that’s all for now. Thanks in advance.