Sour Grapes and Whine

Exciting things have been happening in my blogger circle.  Le Clown did the impossible.  He got freshly pressed!  We were still reeling from someone getting pressed that was actually im-pressive (do you see what I did there?) when we heard that his lovely wife Sara had also been freshly pressed!  Talk about weird odds!  Not only that, she was pressed for a post on the clown’s serious site, Black Box Warnings, which is really cool because it calls attention to medication issues.  As someone who often has knee jerk reactions to those that are anti-meds because of personal experiences, I have seen a little of both sides and this site has made me rethink a few things.  Don’t you hate it when people freaking make you think?  Ugh.

Math is hard. I want to be a veterinarian because I really like children.

Well, it gets even weirder.  Two more of his followers, Rollergiraffe and Bumble Files were also pressed!  In fact, if you look right now, Le Clown, Sara, and Rollergiraffe (I hear her name is Jen) are all on the same page. I’ve never seen so many blogs I know and actually like on a Freshly Pressed page before.  And not one of them wrote about cooking or photography or cooking photography.  Amazing.

Pretty sure I have a recipe for Bunny Tea somewhere . . .

I am so very happy for all of these people, especially Le Clown and Sara because they have done so much for the blogging community and brought many of us together in their insane little circle.  It’s about time they got paid back for all their effort.  And I say this not because I actually consider them bloggy friends (we are still, like bloggy friends now that you’re famouser, right?) but because I mean it.  I’m not exactly a nicey nice person for the heck of it.

I am SO nice.

Which is sort of my problem.  For while I am genuinely happy for my friends, I admit that there is a part of me that is well, you knew this picture was coming up right? 

No, I will never get tired of this picture.

Remember the old cartoons with the devil and the angel on a person’s shoulders?  The angel says “Yay, you should be so happy for your friends!”  But the devil says “You’re so jealous you can’t see straight.  It’s not fairrrrr.  Hey, uh, want to make a deal?  I have this bald puppet friend that’s good with curses.  Just FYI.”

Psst, Alice, I can put a horse head in their comments box.

It’s a terrible battle, isn’t it?  The green-eyed monster really likes me.  He’s been hanging out since I was small.  It’s not a fun thing to admit that you can be a jealous little twerp.  But here I am, admitting it.  It’s one of my faults that I struggle to overcome.  Hey, that was totally an epiphany.  That’s like, something they might put on, I don’t know, some site that shows impressive blogs, you know?  Where are my food pictures? 

There’s food here. Supposedly.

I’m getting off track.  I do know I’m not the only jealous little twerp because up until this week Le Clown has been making awesome badges like this one. 

I have to admit. I love this one.

He thumbed his nose in the face of Big Brother WordPress.  Bah, WordPress!  Le suck, WordPress!  What’s this, I’m freshly pressed?  Whooo-hooo! (BTW this is exactly what I would do.)

So now we are short one Robin Hood, one who stands in the face of the Big Guy, who robs from the rich blogs to give to the poor blogs.  We need a new hero.  I think I’m just jealous and whiny enough to fill that role.  I’ve even got an official badge now that Le Clown has sold out been conducted rightly into the WordPress Hall of Fame.  It’s a lot of responsibility, but if that little twit Spiderman can do it, so can I.

Alice:
Totally better than Spiderman

You know, unless I get Freshly Pressed.  Then you guys are totally on your own.  But since I have the ultimate confidence in thyself, I doubt this will be for a while, so get used to your new self-proclaimed champion.  Besides being a petulant wanna-be, I also fight zombies.  I’m pretty well-rounded for a hero.  Or heroine.  No, that sounds like a drug.  Why do female versions of words sound so bad?  Like Master / Mistress?  What is up with that?  Anyway, make that hero.  I am your hero, so no need to hold out until the end of the night cause I’m strong and I’m fast and I’m fresh from the fight.  Get it?  Fresh.  Also larger than life.  And totally original too.

It’s a tough job, but someone has to do it.  You’re welcome.

Update: Madame Weebles was also pressed.  I hate love you guys.

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38 responses

  1. It’s only a matter of time for you, I’m sure. 🙂

    1. Provided I don’t contract some deadly plague before then. FRACK, did someone just SNEEZE?

      1. Achoo!

  2. Alice,
    You’re my hero! I will stand by you and fight the big guy with you. I’ll push his red nose, and step on his big shoes. Take that, asshole!
    Le Clown

    1. Le Clown,
      Quit beating up on yourself! There are plenty who will do it for you!
      Le Alice

    2. YOU ARE VERY AMUSING!
      PEACE & LOVE!

      1. Thank you. Le Clown is fun to fun with.

  3. GAWD honey, you are funny. Funny hunny, that’s what they say. Le clown and I read your post at the same time and our mutual guffaws echoed around the room. AND GODDAMMIT HE JUST COMMENTED BEFORE ME!!!! But we luvs ya. And will be friends forevah, or until you get Fp-ed and get all famousy and forget about our glory days.
    It’s hard to be unjealous when people get adulated. I live in the shadow of Le Clown every day. EVERY. DAY. I even confessed that I struggled with his success sometimes, and not just because it’s a female based love fest over there.

    1. Lol! My husband is a mechanic, so there’s no competing with us, which is a good thing, because I have a slight problem with that. I’m perfectly happy with him being the best mechanic in the family, since I only care that a car goes, and he’s happy with me being a writer, because (and I love this man) even his handwriting is so bad that the teacher thought Thing One had forged her father’s signature on her homework.

      But I wouldn’t worry about the Le Clown lovefest, because I have never seen a man so completely and totally smitten with his wife. You two make me sick, and I mean that in the nicest possible way. 😀

      Thank you for saying I’m funny – it’s the best compliment I can get! We will be besties forevers, even if I do get pressed. Just think, now that you guys are pressed, you can go back to thumbing your noses at Le WordPress cause what they gonna do? Take back the pressing, huh?

      1. Le Clown was the one obsessed with not being FP-ed. I made fun of him for it. Now I make fun of him for being FP-ed and basking in the glory of it.
        I also make fun of him for everything else. It’s what works for us.

    2. I think that is the recipe for a healthy marriage. My husband and I have been married for 13 years . . . omg. 13 years.

      1. Isn’t that the black cat anniversary?

        1. aliceatwonderland | Reply

          That sounds about right. Do you give each other live cats or dead ones? I always forget that stuff.

          1. [insert dead pussy joke]

  4. Oh Alice, If I could make someone laugh as hard as you made ME laugh, I would be so thrilled. Hilarious! The poor pony. Please don’t put a horse head in my comment box…That will really scare me. Don’t worry, it will happen soon…Thanks for the mention.

    1. Ah, okay, since you are so nice (not just because you think I’m funny) I will withhold the My Little Pony head. Besides, I’m not sure if I trust that devil guy. I mean, Donald Trump did, and look what happened to his hair.

  5. Oh Geez Sad Pony Head? That is so wrong! I hail to you Mistress Heroine that someday, somewhere when you least expect it, some one will come up to to you and say smile your pressed! Buy until then remain larger than life and quit stalling and on with recaps!

    1. Stalling? Me? Why wouldn’t I want to get to those recaps? I mean, that book . . . that . . . book . . .

  6. There really should be an automatic comment box for people who read blogs from their phone. It should just pop up and say “I freaking love this post!”. And being freshly pressed is like heroin. It finally happens, but then the rush fades, and you’re hungry for it again. So you press onwards, onwards, constantly in need of new needles and more drugs.

    And that’s particularly true if you’re freshly pressed on a Friday and your post sits up there for less than twenty-four hours. Not that I know anyone who’s had that happen to them or anything…

    1. I’m so impressed you can read a blog from your phone! I’m lucky if I can get mine to dial routinely. So does the rush fade? I had wondered about some people hanging on to followers. Obviously people who have good blogs (and I include all my buddies like you in this) will continue to keep viewers, if they have any taste at all. But I wonder about the other 90 percent that are pressed that aren’t so hot.

      For instance, I saw one blog that was pressed and I read it and was like, eh, but this guy was really into himself. He had one response that presented a slightly different point of view, and went on about how he’d had 3600 views so he was like the best and fuck off! Wow, that is a great way to keep friends there. I know I was tempted to be a follower. Dickweed. As E.L. James should surely prove, stats aren’t always the best indicators of talent!

      But I would still take her millions. And not having that, I’ll take the pressed with a side of heroine.

      1. I actually had a guy accuse me of misandry on my post. I think that might be part of the reason they moved my post off the page rather quickly. The rush fades. I actually found it easiest to write when no one watched the blog. Yet, the comments and interaction helps keep my nose to the grindstone. So, it’s 50/50.

        I have this theory that WordPress editors don’t eat. So when they see food they get super excited. They also like catchy titles and pretty pictures in general. Their love of pretty pictures makes it harder for those who write anonymously to get FP’d, since most who write anonymously don’t want their personal pictures splashed all over the internet.

        I think you’ll be FP’d though. The cream always rises to the top eventually. And the blogs that are actually good will continue to grow.

    2. Misandry? SNORT. I mean really I just SNORRRRT. What a baby. Bah. I got a big rush on stats (for me anyway) when Speaker 7 mentioned me on her blog. It was like WOW, and then it faded, but it has still stayed up regularly at much higher than it did before (which was like, almost nada). So I am very thankful for that. Also the clown and his contest brought me some viewers. So suck it, WordPress. You know, unless you do want to FP, then jeez, I guess I’ll take it.

      That makes so much sense about the food pictures. So that’s why they like those. They’re like Ana, and forget to eat all the time. I think they are also attracted to bright, shiny objects (also like Ana). And yeah, I’m not into putting personal pics all over the internet. I mean TMI personal info, sure, but pics are a little more identifying, and sometimes I say stuff that just might, might, piss someone off.

      Thank you for the vote of confidence. Till then, we’ll do the real work of fighting off zombies. I have seen a distinct lack of zombie blogs on WordPress. I sense discrimination.

      1. Love and Lunchmeat | Reply

        People are strange, and it’s totally true. You never know what’s going to offend someone. I had one reader give me the nicest compliments… only to unwatch me within a week. I actually try to ignore my stats, but that particular thing bugged me. My writing was wonderful a week ago, but now I suck? Oh, well.

        And your blog will ALWAYS grow because you leave interesting and funny comments on other blogs. So it will grow regardless, and continue to attract other sociable bloggers.

        1. aliceatwonderland | Reply

          I love making comments and responding to comments on my blog. The whole social thing is really the best part. Having a small number of loyal readers beats a bunch of people glancing at it and rushing on by. Or worse leaving something like that comment. I’m actually surprised no psycho James fans have found me yet. Lol.

          Thanks for the kind words. I am the INSOMNIAC again. I need something for that. Like a hammer.

  7. I admit . . . sometimes, in my more confident moments, I’m jealous, too. Mainly because I periodically see terribly written blogs or blogs devoid of much content get freshly pressed and I know my writing is better . . .

    Although with all the great folks getting freshly pressed recently, maybe WordPress is getting some better taste. Lol.

    1. It does look that way, doesn’t it? And there are some sucktastic blogs they pick. I think L & L is right. They starve them at WordPress central, so they see pretty food pics and go “Let’s press it!”

  8. I feel for you. I’ve only been on wordpress a few months and sometimes question the drivel that is Freshly Pressed. Some of them are really good. But I’ve found myself scratching my head more than a few times at some of the selections.

    As an infertile, I know all about the jealousy monster. Oh your pregnant from a one night stand…I’m so happy for you…you little piece of swine, EVER HEARD OF A CONDOM???

    Love the blog. So glad I found this.

    1. Oh, you’re my kind of people! I didn’t have fertility problems, but I could totally understand being freaking irritated at that. I did have pregnancy issues (like being sick as a dog) and had people say “I never felt better than when I was pregnant – no morning sickness at all!” Wanted to hit those people.

      1. I also suffer from a condition called stupidity that causes me to think “you’re” but type “your” and not notice the mistake until after hitting the post button. I’ve looked for medication, but can’t find anything to help it.

        1. After a while you see that written wrong so often you start forgetting what is the right way.

  9. You’re good people. I laughed out loud, twice at least. (In the literal sense, you know. Not the abbreviation everyone uses to pretend to be interested in something.) Anyway.

    I abandoned reading the freshly pressed some time ago, if it’s any consolation. It reeks of post-pubescent popularity poaching, some over-advertised and under-qualified contest to determine who, exactly, sucks in some measurable way, more than an elite chosen few… (Who — by the way — often come across as incredibly gifted IT guys who’ve nothing better to do than manufacture a cyber pseudonym for their teenage alter ego to compensate for the complete lack of human interaction in their world. Or certifiable blog-yuppies who’ve created underground blog-gangs, marking their territory with the ‘FP’ tag as a proclamation of how big their imaginary balls are and how exclusive the gang really is. No thanks.)

    Ego-driven writing always collapses under the emptiness of widespread acceptance. The real stuff reaches who you really aim to reach; if you’re legit, you’ll attract like readers. Works of substance will endure the hikes and plateaus of stats. I’ll take two or three followers who are genuinely interested and invested, who actually inspire and challenge me, over five-thousand spoon-fed trolls any day. Just sayin.

    I’m not sure how I found your blog, but I like you. For what it’s worth.

    I rarely find new blogs I enjoy. I’m following your blog now and I’m actually looking forward to reading your stuff. High five.

    1. Ha, I love some of your examples of the Freshly Pressed elite. I will say that there are some blogs – a very few – who are deserving, but they were deserving months and months before they were selected, and will continue to be afterward. I wonder how long some of them maintain the huge amount of follows they receive within the first few days? How many just follow and like in a knee-jerk reaction like “OMG, Oprah says this blog is cool I must buy it?” Like I said, there are some that are great, but most of them I followed before they were pressed, not after. And like you, I would prefer to have a small circle of friends that follow me and genuinely like my work (and I do have that) than I would a lot of faceless people. It’s like popularity in high school. I used to want that, but now looking back I’m glad I didn’t have it.

      Not that I wouldn’t take it if I got it, of course. But it’d be pressure, for sure, and the more I think about it, the more I realize I’m happy either way. The best thing I’ve found it to just comment on blogs I like, then look at the other comments, and go to those blogs, because chances are if these people are wacky enough to like what I like then they’re good people. And I’ve found a lot that way, which is much better than when I started and I had a few followers that seemed to follow me only in the hope I would look at their blog. It’s pretty clear when someone hasn’t actually read anything you wrote.

      Thank you so much for your comments! That means more than a Freshly Pressed sticker any day. High five back at ya, and I’ll try to visit your blog as soon as I can. 😀

      1. Word sister.

        And you nailed it, I believe… Freshly pressing my post would be like asking me to speak at the White House for a nationally televised press conference while I had severe flatulence. I think I’d rather die.

        But I’m not a blogger for the sake of getting my ego stroked or my mojo yolked, I’m in it for the joyride. Cool to meet you. 🙂

        1. The public speaking with flaulence made me LOL – for reals.

  10. Maybe I should crochet you a little green monster so you can stick pins in it when things get too much?

    At least Le Clown & Madame Weebles are too nice to stay cross at them for long!

    1. YES! I would consider that perfect AliceBling! My very own little green crocheted monster! Yeah, Madame Weebles is way too nice . . . okay the clown too. 😀

      1. I need to find a pattern… And some green yarn… And some time! 😀

        1. I am coveting that green monster now. I would love him and squeeze him and call him Le Clown.

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