Obligatory Search Terms Post

I’ve seen some other blog posts detailing the interesting, odd, and sometimes just plain disturbing search terms that people use to find your blog.  These search terms are handily gathered by WordPress on the Stats page (that I know none of you ever look at, right?)  I figured I’d give mine a look-see, even though with some of my content (cough, 50 Shades of crap, cough) I was somewhat nervous.  Here are 20 of my most interesting / odd / disturbing results starting with the most used first.

1.      aliceatwonderland

This is actually comforting, because 17 times someone found my blog by actually putting in my name.  At least I think they did.  It’s possible they don’t know the real title to Alice in Wonderland.  Either way, I’ll take it.

They like me, Pinky! They really like me! Or maybe just buttplugs!

2.      ana wants beat because she is wet

Yeah.  Um, this one was used four different times.  Either there are four somewhat icky people, or one person who was interested enough in the topic to use this term four times and find me every time.  I thought about trying to find myself with this, and then decided it wouldn’t be worth the computer STDs I would get in return.

3.      cancer weekly horoscope

I have a suspicion they found dove candy wrapper fortunes a little odd.  Then again, we’re talking people who read horoscopes, so maybe it was right on the money.  This one came up four times.

4.      the blue paw print is a “blues’s clues”, telling you this object is important in some way.

Well, I did do a snarky children’s tv review of Blue’s Clues, but it’s weird that this exact term was used three times.  Then again, the concept is pretty hard for Joe, so maybe it is for others as well.

I bet it was these guys using that search term.

* The rest of these got 1 hit a piece, although I have grouped similar ones together with a /.

5.      reviews of 50 shades of alice

There are fifty shades of me?  I probably reached several of those while I was sick.

6.      fifty shades of crap

I like that one just because.

7.      san franco ca.free things for people on SSI

Fairly certain I have never written about this topic, but maybe I missed something.

8.  50 shades buttplug scene / 50SoG buttplug / butt plugs / glass bling butt plug

I’m so proud of this

9.  horse tail buttplug sex pics

 This I’m a little disturbed about.

I’m just thinking of this pony, okay?

10.  riding crops

I wonder if they were looking for actual riding equipment there.  If so, oopsie.

11.  why fifty shades of grey makes women mad at their husbands

Because their husbands don’t beat them like Christian does?  I dunno.

12.  dragon playroom

The Red Room O’ Pain suddenly got more interesting.

13.  coo coo ca choo alice

This one is my absolute favorite.

14.  alice mon crack

Am I a Jamaican druggie?

Try some, it’s totally cool, mon.

15.  infantilize children lazy

Huh?

16.  whore mommy / whore mom / mommy whore

So sweet!

17.  50Sog tampon / 50 SoG ice cream

I’ll take what does Christian put in and take out of Ana for 200, Alex

18.  ana steele even stupider in 50 Shades Darker

Bingo!

19.  inner goddess balls

I’d like to see those

Sooo . . . this on some vaginal balls? Maybe?

20.  french canadian clown / a clown eating pictures

Oh, Le Clown, you do inspire!  Others to my blog.  Thanks.  They might go to you looking for buttplugs now, though, so I’d keep an eye on your search terms.

This has been quite the experience delving into the pit of scum and villainy that is the Internets.  And my readers!  People love me, they really do!  Also buttplugs.  And horse sex pics.  I’m going back to the My Little Pony pic now.