An Alice Halloween Special

Remember back when there used to be actual sitcoms on T.V. that were written by actual writers that were actually occasionally funny?  Now that we’re saturated in Reality T.V. (you’re soaking in it) it’s hard to remember those old shows.  But I do remember that every year there was a Halloween special.

Holidays were the best plot devices ever.  Sometimes they were even combined with another plot device, the flashback, which consisted of a bunch of old episodes pasted together.  So creative.  Family Ties, The Cosby Show, and later on that dreadful Full House, the ship that launched the Olsen twins, all had Halloween specials.

Now that’s scary.

But the most memorable Halloween special had to be “It’s the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown” starring the Peanuts gang.  You remember them.  The bobble headed kids who acted like adults yet never seemed to age past the 5th grade. This one starred Linus, the neurotic one that carried around a blankie which probably got his behind kicked on the playground, although we never saw this.  It’s hard to blame the kid though, having Lucy, the she-demon, as an older sibling.  I’d probably carry mace.

Linus was obsessed with something called “the Great Pumpkin” because even Halloween needs a Santa Claus I guess.  Everyone else thought he was crazy, which was a safe bet with this kid, but Linus believed!  Meanwhile, the kids dressed up for Halloween.  Good ol’ Charlie Brown dressed as a ghost with a holy sheet and got rocks in his Halloween sack.

The making of a serial killer.
I’m just sayin’.

Wait, what?  I mean, I realize he has male-pattern baldness, but this is supposed to be a little kid, here.  What freaking adult puts rocks in a child’s Halloween sack?  I mean, what the heck?  I’ve always imagined Charlie Brown coming back to school later on with a machine gun.  Lucy would get plugged first for that football trick, but then he’d just rampage the rest of the gang.  Chainsaw Peanuts Massacre.  Now THAT would have been a great special.

Wait, I’m getting distracted here.  Anyway, we are also celebrating the Great Pumpkin at our house.  You see, I did this whole Martha Stewart theme with a pumpkin centerpiece (there’s not much more room on the table) and Halloween themed place mats and wall hangings and . . . yeah I’m totally full of it.  Most of our family is rather apathetic about most stuff that requires our active participation.  Except Thing Two.  She is our party planner extraordinaire.  You will party, whether you like it or not.

So we have a Great Pumpkin set up.  Right now on the living room floor is a blue pillow case.  Sitting on this pillowcase is a jar of candy corn, a note for the Great Pumpkin, and a little pumpkin with a face drawn on it.  Oh, and the little pumpkin is wearing a pair of her underwear, which is supposed to be a cape.  I was forbidden from taking a picture of this for my blog post.  Now keeping the junk in the living room for a month was okay, but not on the blog.  But trust me, you can’t make this stuff up.

Lame Linus. You didn’t even set out any freaking candy corn.

There also used to be a green Halloween bucket over there, but poor Thing Two got suddenly sick, and that was the closest thing around.  Though we’ve sanitized it, nobody is too eager to use it for treats anymore, although it might make a good trick for somebody. 

Thing Two is going as Princess Leia this year.  She has a costume complete with a honey bun wig.  Suffice it to say, she is the cutest and chattiest Princess Leia ever.  And at eight years old, she is almost as tall as actress Carrie Fisher, so she’s perfect for the part.  The rest of us have decided to go as ourselves, which is scary enough. 

I’m not sure if the Great Pumpkin will visit our house or not, but it will not be for lack of planning from Thing Two.  I think she is even more faithful than Linus.  I’m sure the special will be on again this year, as it has been every year since, like, Biblical times.  But I’ll probably just watch Thing Two instead.  She is more entertaining than any Halloween special.

*Note: I will take a temporary break from Rants With Alice because this time Alice wants to rave.  Stay tuned this Friday for a review of Carrie Rubin’s book The Seneca Scourge.

35 responses

  1. I am also going as myself this year! What a coincidence. I’m not looking forward to the time my son really gets holidays and wonders why his mother has no ability to make, craft or do anything about it.

    1. Thing Two made me paper cat ears and taped them to hair clips and stuck them in my hair. I am a paper cat. At work. She is far more crafty than I am.

  2. We don’t really do Halloween. Every day is scary as far as I’m concerned.
    I’m looking forward to the Seneca Scourge review. I’m in the middle of reading it and it’s unputdownable (if only I didn’t have all those pesky little things to take care of, work, kid, sleep …). I started reading it on the train and as soon as I read the intro I was terrified, started looking around at my fellow passengers and seriously considered jumping off that train and sanitizing my entire body.

    1. You know what the scariest day is? Election day. Shudddder.

      Yes, Carrie’s book is great! I’d forgotten books could be good. I couldn’t read it at night cause it freaked me out and maybe reading it with pneumonia wasn’t the smartest but it was still cool.

  3. 1. Why on earth isn’t Thing One getting dressed up? She’s not THAT old!
    2. There are some awesome sitcoms on these days. I cite Modern Family and Big Bang Theory. Princess Fartypants has also been watching The New Normal with me, which has provided a number of educational talking points: “What’s an orgasm, mommy?” Also, some of the kid-oriented sitcoms, such as Victorious and iCarly, are actually pretty funny, at least the first viewing.
    3. Princess Fartypants is going as Kat from Victorious. I’m supposed to dress up like Sikowitz. Yay?

    1. 1. Thing One might go as a modern vampire because, as she says, she’d only need the fangs that way. Or glitter if she’s a Twilight vampire (she would kill me for that comment.)
      2. Big Bang Theory is usually good, though sometimes a bit raunchy. Can’t really watch it with the kids. Also comes on at 7pm so I’m usually busy and miss it. Not really into Modern Family. Don’t watch much TV period – I’d have to leave the Internets. And I definitely stay away from Nick and Disney, though I don’t mind Good Luck, Charlie quite as much. Victorious? What has she done to your mind???
      3. Wasn’t Sikowitz on NYPD Blue? The bald guy that showed his butt?

  4. Last year we got two kids, and that’s only because their mom is a friend of mine and I called and asked her to bring them over. I even dressed up as a fairy (of sorts – it was an excuse to use some Halloween makeup.) So this year I bought Tootsie Pops so DH and I don’t eat too much chocolate. Yeah, I know this makes us the “cheap” people on the block but it’s less tempting to our waistlines. One year we had a lot of kids other years only a couple. I don’t have kids so I won’t being going anywhere otherwise I would be all over that. I loved Trick-or-Treating. Oh well, hope the Great Pumpkin comes to eat his candy corn! 🙂

    1. He did! And he (cleverly disguised as my husband) left Thing Two a little gift and some change. Thing One said “Great, now she’s going to expect it every year.” Lol.

  5. You are a better mother than me–I did very little Halloween decorating this year. A couple pumpkins out front and a dancing skeleton that sings “She’s a Super Freak.” Apparently I need a pair of underpants to spice things up.

    Looking forward to Friday! I think…

    1. Bwahahahaha! Just kidding. I like the “Super Freak” skeleton. I know if we had it then it would be going off 5,000 times a day. I can’t believe you don’t use underpants on your pumpkin. Sheesh.

      1. Believe me, it already has been going off 5000 times a day. And the weird thing is, the batteries haven’t been changed for years. Kind of creepy, actually. It just keeps dancing and singing. On and on…

        1. They don’t make that stuff like they used to – I remember when the batteries would go out the day after Christmas. Now they last forever.

  6. I’m super excited to go over to my friend’s to pass out candy tonight! (My road is a bit to rural to get trick-or-treaters.) But I’m like you, I have no craftiness or Halloween imagination! I’ve been the same thing for the past 8 years or so. This year will be different, but only cause my dad brought me a dress from a business trip to India – so Indian girl! Creative yes…? >.<

    1. Ooh, they have gorgeous clothes. I’m just going with the paper cat ears a la Thing Two. I’ve worn them all day so far. Many compliments.

      1. Perhaps you should encourage Thing Two’s now apparent fashion style and creation and just have her make your costume every year! =D

  7. We’ve been told to make sure we’re all tucked up in bed straight after Compline tonight because of all the witches being out. I muttered to one of the Sisters “so where do we get our broomsticks from?”

    I hope that the Great Pumpkin does visit you. It would be too unfair if he/she/it doesn’t.

    1. Hahaha.

      He did visit and left a Yoda bobble head candy dispenser.

  8. You’re Alice in Wonderland, you don’t need to dress up as anything.

    1. Oh, yeah. I can be me. Now where did I see that especially dour looking Alice costume – the model was hilarious.

  9. I can’t wait to see Chainsaw Peanuts Massacre. I’m especially looking forward to the scenes where the adults are begging Charlie Brown to spare their lives, but all he hears is that “mwah mwah mwah” sound.

    1. OMG LMAO! Best comment ever!

  10. Best Halloween special ever, but if Lucy were my sibling I’d put myself up for adoption. I am occasionally crafty, but my motivation is spotty. I make cakes but rarely, ditto for holiday decorations other than a Christmas tree. (I also like photography and occasionally doodle.) Mostly I’m lazy, and I doubt people actually save money through homemade costumes. That said, I still enjoy admiring the handiwork of others.

    1. You should see the cake the girls and I made for Christmas last year. I had this tree shaped pan and we decided, brilliantly, to make a double layer cake and use green frosting and enough sprinkles to kill a horse. Also, I can’t frost properly to save my life – I should have just let the kids do it. The cake would have been less mutilated that way. And this was with a cake mix and store bought frosting. Sad. Still, we took a picture of it. Lol.

  11. Sooo? Did the Great Pumpkin ever visit? I bet Thing Two made the most adorable Princess Leia!
    Also, I hated Full house and watched it anyway.

    1. I hated it and watched every episode. Michelle was the worst. If I’d been her sisters, I’d have locked her in a closet. Er, them. Er, her. Whatever.

      Yup, Great Pumpkin came and brought random gifts – change and a bobblehead doll. My husband is the Great Pumpkin, so that explains a few things. And yeah, she was adorable, but we gelled her hair to fit in the wig, and I forgot to take the gel out and this morning she looked like Alfalfa. Whoops.

  12. Oh, I know…Charlie Brown had a brooding sociopath lurking within, I’m sure of it! I love watching the Peanuts though…takes me back to a simpler time. A time when kids were downright rude and mean to each other and you had to suck it up or defend yourself. Adults never intervened when I was a kid. Built character. Kids today have it so easy, sheesh. (shaking head)

    After reading about the Princess Leia costume, I think I’m gonna go as Carrie Fisher next year.

    1. Yeah, I remember that. We used to ride our bikes all over the place all summer long, no supervision, and no one asked where we were. I’m sure they were thrilled we were gone. I had a lot of character built into me. Still, I think Charlie Brown would have been a prime candidate for Columbine. I wouldn’t have blamed him either.

      Yeah, go as Carrie Fisher and have a friend go as Harrison Ford and go get stoned all night like they did during filming of the movies. Or so I heard.

  13. I love this so much! The highlight of my Halloween experience had to be taking the pictures I will post on fb as soon as I no longer feel like I’m dying (I know, whine to the woman who was just hospitalized with pneumonia) of a neighbor’s house done up so right (the lowlight being getting stabbed by my fence as I was trying to re-enter my yard in the dark, resulting in bleeding, bruising, and torn pajama pants – no pics to be provided).

    1. I often get stabbed by fences, doors, end tables . . . that would be my worst Halloween nightmare. The furniture coming to life. It gets me when it’s inanimate.

      I can’t wait to see the pictures of the Halloween houses! Some people know how to decorate. We have a picture of a Halloween cat on the front door, courtesy Thing Two again. Woot!

      1. Yeah, we do a good job with our house, lights and pumpkins that make random noises and scare people, but this house was super-cool!

  14. […] An Alice Halloween Special – Worship the Great Pumpkin at the patch of your choice.  (12/10/31) […]

  15. This isn’t nearly as bloody as you lead me to believe.

    1. Ha! But I got you there, didn’t I? That would make an interesting work of creative writing, though. Charlie Brown and the Peanuts Chainsaw Massacre!

      1. I was promised this and I shall have it!

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