*Post number something or other in the Blog-a-Day Challenge*
Hey you guys are not going to believe this. Well, yes you will. Le Clown has a press release section. It’s full of blog posts praising him. (I have one in there – actually I’m mostly being whiny that he got pressed and I didn’t but kudos for putting it in there anyhoo.) But here’s the deal. Alice does not have lots of posts created purely to praise her.
Oh, sure, I get plenty of awesome comments that are awesome (and I need a thesaurus) but entire posts? Not nearly that many! (Okay, I remember these by you Speaker, and Stork Hunting, and Ravin, and if I’m forgetting anyone write me a comment or just write nasty posts about me thanks. But this takes away from my experience of gross injustice, so shhh for now, kay?) Anything a burning clown can do, I can do better. So I think I’ll start my own press release section. The only problem is that I don’t have very many releases at this point. No matter. Alice can compensate.
(As an aside, did you notice that sometimes Alice speaks in third person? She contracted her illness from Le Clown who contracted it from Elmo.)
I’m always seeing posts about how to improve your blog, and this seems like the way to do it. And as I always say, if at first you don’t succeed in suckering people into writing you posts, cheat. So I have. Here are some excerpts. Check it out.
“Alice is the best blogger I have ever met. I want to marry her blog and have bloggy babiezz.” – SomeFancyPressedBlog
“Alice is so inspiring, I have decided to stop drinking and start doing acid.” – Ernest Hemingway
“After reading Alice’s blog, I figured out that I have no talent and should never, ever write another book so help me God. Thanks, Alice!” – E.L. James
“We can’t believe we have not freshly pressed Alice’s blog. We are so ashamed. From now on we will wear bags over our heads.” – WordPress
“After reading this blog, my leprosy was healed!” – LepersRpeople2blog
“Alice, this may sound crazy, but call me, maybe?” – David Hasselhoff
“I’m adding this blog to my blog club because it is so totally authentic and not at all filled with shallow lies!” – Oprah
“I never thought I’d find work again, but then Alice’s blog came along and now I am slightly less likely to break my own leg” – Sad Pony
“I thought I was totally messed up, and then I saw Alice’s blog. I feel much better now.” – The Mad Hatter
See? It’s easy to find praise if only you don’t care much about honesty or sanity! All that crap about cheaters never prosper? Pffft. They just didn’t want you to cheat and get all the really cool stuff that cheaters get. Like fabulously famous blogs like mine.
So remember, kids, it pays to cheat. It also pays to endlessly harass clowns. Although only his friends get to harass him, which means any trolls that say nasty things are going to have to deal with Alice, who if you might remember, defeated the freaking Jabberwock. You’ve been warned.
This has been my PSA for today. You’re welcome.