It’s time for report cards, kiddies! Nooooo hiding them from your parents!
Fortunately for you, Alice is lazy and doesn’t care about grading – basically like your average college professor. My grad assistant Sad Pony threatened horse-i-cide again if I made him even think about 50 Shades, which is such a pain. I tried to get Squirrel to take his place but he’s not very reliable, always playing with his nuts.*
*True Story: I had a teacher in 5th grade who had a squirrel pic on the wall and a phone connected to nothing. If someone acted up, she would “call” the “squirrel” and say “Southwestern Squirrel, trouble on table 5.” Even at 10, we thought she was insane. Don’t let your babies grow up to be teachers. It’s too dangerous.
Okay, PSA done. Since Alice is lazy and has unreliable grad students, she consents to being bribed for good grades. With comments on her blog – get your head out of the gutter (unless you’re hot, then call me, maybe?). She doesn’t really care if you get the answers right or not, it’s ye old participation that counts!
You might notice that we have some new students that joined our class since the last update! I’d force these students to stand up and everyone else to say “Hi, so and so” just like they do in real classrooms and AA meetings, but I’m tired.
So without further ado, here is our class roll, ranked by number of comments on each post (there are six posts so far including the first update and our introduction to the contest – I have not yet added in yesterday’s comments) – which I counted all by myself. So probably you guys might want to recount.
If I didn’t give you enough, tell me. If I gave you too much, shut up. Did you learn nothing from high school?
Storkhunter 4 + 1 + 5 + 1 + 2 + 1 = 14
faithhopechocolate 4 + 2 + 7 = 13
Carrie Rubin 2 + 1 + 1 + 1 +2 +2 = 9
Ravinj 1 + 1 + 2 + 1 + 1 + 1 = 7
Speaker7 1+1 + 1 + 1 + 1 + 1 = 6
MissFourEyes 1 + 1 + 2 + 1 + 1 =6
Lesbiannextdoor 1+ 1 + 2 +1 = 5
Angel Fractured 1 + 1 + 1 + 1 + 1 = 5
Ruby Tuesday 1 + 2 + 1 = 4
Love and Lunchmeat 2 + 1 = 3
Womanmdsguide 1 + 1 = 2
Giggles McGill Jill 2
Madame Weebles 1
Society Red 1
Jen and Tonic 1
Okay, as you can clearly see, Stork Hunter is our current valedictorian, and faithhopechocolate our salutatorian. Now THAT is something you want on a transcript. Some of you people have been skipping class a lot. Tsk tsk. But it’s not too late to bring your grade up! From now on Alice is adding points with each post instead of doing several at once because her math skills . . .
Anyhoo, so that’s our class rank for now. Remember it’s also quality that counts! Sure you could just write “comment” on a post, and that would be pretty funny actually but wait . . . no, a creative comment that makes me laugh or puke or has some sort of effect on me could add on to your final score. And I’ll probably have a blog post featuring my favorite comments, cause I have to come up with a post for every day this month. So keep them coming!
New students are welcome to join my mythical class at any time, and there is plenty of time for everyone to achieve high scores because there are a lot of chapters left . . . holy shit I’m in trouble.
Till next time, this is Professor Alice signing off.