Maggie and the Fab-u-lous Beast

For my latest Children’s TV review I took a frequent request from my children. The show’s actual title is “Maggie and the Ferocious Beast” which I guess is supposed to be ironic, because this beast is anything but ferocious.  I’d say “fab-u-lous!” was much more apt.  What do you think?

The beast is the one on the far left

Yeah, so this show is about a little girl named Maggie (surprise) who either has very vivid hallucinations or happens to live right next to a rather dangerous portal universe.  A yellow . . . thing with orange spots that look like giant pepperoni kidnaps her from her bedroom window every night.  She’s quite willing – I’m guessing Stockholm Syndrome? – to go with him, and her parents never seem to notice her absence.  So like I said, either delusions or portal universes where time doesn’t pass. Take your pick.

She calls him “beast” because either that’s his name or she’s just too rude to remember anything but that.  If I got to name him, I’d go with Elton.  I just think the similarities are uncanny.

Elton and Beast: Equally fabulous!

Anyway, so Maggie and Elton have another friend, a pig named Hamilton.  Get it?  Ham-il . . . nevermind.  Apparently he’s homeless, because he lives in a box.  Yet he’s the most uppity homeless pig I’ve ever seen because he’s always wearing that preppy sweater (with an H so he remembers his initial) and matching chinos, probably bought from the Gap.  Observe.

Yeah – this has got to be a parallel universe. Who would imagine that?

He’s also incredibly obnoxious.  Sometimes I wish they would make “Ham” out of Hamilton.  I am not the only one.  While she was at church, Thing One created this  for me to use on my blog post.  It’s called “The End of Hamilton from Maggie and the Ferocious Beast.”

By Thing One
I am such a good influence

In case you can’t read that, Maggie says “Who knew Hamilton would make such good bacon?”  I’m especially impressed with the set of preppy clothes laid out beside them while they knosh on their former friend.  I have a feeling children’s show cartoonists will be knocking on our door any minute to beg Thing One to work for them.

This show had some fab-u-lous plots.  One time the wind blew so hard that Elton lost his spots.  They blew off and one landed in Hamilton’s face.  That would have to be pretty gross.  Imagine if part of someone’s skin blew off and hit you in the face?  Yikes.  Elton felt very naked without his spots, even though he’s always naked.  And what’s up with that?  How come Hamilton wears an entire set of clothes and Elton Beast doesn’t?  I mean, Hamilton lives in a freaking box.  The least Elton could do is put some pants on, especially with a little kid around.  Jeez.

Maggie’s not a lot better.  She has a whiny little voice and if not for her, this show wouldn’t exist since it’s from her viewpoint.  Otherwise it would just be Beast and Ham, the Odd Couple for children.  We wouldn’t be having all these whimsical freaking adventures either.  I’m so sick of whimsical I could throw up in Hamilton’s box.  Will Elton Beast get his spots back?  Who cares?  I’m pretty sure they found them and stuck them back on, though they never did explain how they fell off in the first place.  Could you imagine if that could really happen?  You’d have to hide your Dalmatians every time the wind blew. 

On the plus side, I do not have to watch this show anymore, at least not without the alternately hilarious and disturbing commentary from my children.  That makes any show worthwhile.

Final Analysis:

Irritating plots and characters: Yes

Elton John look-a-like Beast with Removable Spots: Yes

Preppy Homeless Pig in a Box: Yes

Delusions and/or alternate dimensions: Yes

 

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27 responses

  1. Never heard of this show but now I really want to watch it. I want to be able to make fun of an obnoxious pig – oh wait a sec… Christian Grey … never mind

    1. Fair point well . . . ugh. Yes, very good point there.

  2. Actually, I can see the ferociousness. That giant head, with those giant eyes, and that GIANT freaky smile, all of it just staring at you when his spots could fly off any minute! Scared me anyway.

    1. I’m not sure what it is about cartoon characters and those manic smiles. Are they supposed to be friendly, because they’re mostly just creepy. Like Thomas the Tank Engine (although those trains are normally really pissy) – creepy.

  3. Hahaha! I’ve never seen this one, but the spots definitely look like pepperoni and I love Thing One’s drawing!

    1. Thing One says thank you. She is quite proud of it.

  4. Props to Thing One for just the right amount of in her imagination!

    1. She does have quite the imagination . . . I do wonder how they killed him. Hmmm.

  5. Kudos to Thing One for understanding how to determine and allocate her resources. Bacon is awesome.

    1. So, so true. I could build a shrine to bacon.

  6. I love especially that she drew it while at church. Girl has her priorities firmly in place!

    1. That cracked me up too. They usually come home with some really funny drawings.

  7. Thing One is talented! I see your influence. She’s very clever. My kids were never interested in this one. Now it’s just really strange cartoons.

    1. It’s hard to say which is worse – the little kid didactic fare, or the teeny bopper stuff they watch now where every adult is a moron.

      Thank you. I do hope she uses her talent for good instead of evil. 😀

  8. Add me to the list of someone who has no clue about this show. Now that I’ve read your review I can only ask, what are these cartoon producers smokin’? And is there any left for me?

    (love thing One’s drawing…)

  9. I’m going to have to do some research as I have never seen the show, but I think there was a children’s book that looked like that when I was little. That or I’ve been hitting the (crack)pipe too much.

    1. Could be. Big freaking scary (but friendly!) monsters seem to be a staple of children’s lit. Then again, I think a lot of the writers are on crack too.

      1. I think that goes for artists in general, crack or crazy, it all brings out creativity. “We’re all mad here” speaks volumes. 😉

  10. Ditto everyone: Great drawing! Great Imagination!

    I’ve seen this show before. Annoying, slow. Definitely not Blue’s Clues!

    But for reals, what happened to the good cartoons?

    1. Yeah, like . . . they’ve somehow wiped my mind of the good ones. I did review Blue’s Clues somewhere under Children’s TV Reviews.

      1. Ooh – I’ll have to check that out! (Did you know Steve didn’t kill himself?? I know, surprise!)

    2. Did they think Steve had killed himself? You know, I always thought the whole “he went to college” thing a bit much. The guy couldn’t pass second grade. I wonder if Blue revived him w/ mouth to mouth. Probably the new guy, Joe, had it in for him and framed it as a suicide and . . . possibly I watch too much CSI.

      1. There was a rumor around for a long time that “steve went to college” cause he actually offed himself. But it wasn’t true.

        And I think you have been watching too much CSI…

        1. Oh, wow, like the rumors that Mr. Rogers was in the Green Berets. Lol.

  11. Suddenly I’m glad I don’t have kids! I’m glad for you that Thing One and Thing Two are growing up so you’re not subjected to this anymore. And Thing One is definitely talented. She could be like Roald Dahl and Quentin Blake all in one (providing of course she gives due deference to her mother).

    1. Ha! Yes, I think so too. Occasionally I wonder – what have I created here? Lol.

      1. What you have created is SuperMagnificence™. (See what I did there?)

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