For my latest Children’s TV review I took a frequent request from my children. The show’s actual title is “Maggie and the Ferocious Beast” which I guess is supposed to be ironic, because this beast is anything but ferocious. I’d say “fab-u-lous!” was much more apt. What do you think?
Yeah, so this show is about a little girl named Maggie (surprise) who either has very vivid hallucinations or happens to live right next to a rather dangerous portal universe. A yellow . . . thing with orange spots that look like giant pepperoni kidnaps her from her bedroom window every night. She’s quite willing – I’m guessing Stockholm Syndrome? – to go with him, and her parents never seem to notice her absence. So like I said, either delusions or portal universes where time doesn’t pass. Take your pick.
She calls him “beast” because either that’s his name or she’s just too rude to remember anything but that. If I got to name him, I’d go with Elton. I just think the similarities are uncanny.
Anyway, so Maggie and Elton have another friend, a pig named Hamilton. Get it? Ham-il . . . nevermind. Apparently he’s homeless, because he lives in a box. Yet he’s the most uppity homeless pig I’ve ever seen because he’s always wearing that preppy sweater (with an H so he remembers his initial) and matching chinos, probably bought from the Gap. Observe.
He’s also incredibly obnoxious. Sometimes I wish they would make “Ham” out of Hamilton. I am not the only one. While she was at church, Thing One created this for me to use on my blog post. It’s called “The End of Hamilton from Maggie and the Ferocious Beast.”
In case you can’t read that, Maggie says “Who knew Hamilton would make such good bacon?” I’m especially impressed with the set of preppy clothes laid out beside them while they knosh on their former friend. I have a feeling children’s show cartoonists will be knocking on our door any minute to beg Thing One to work for them.
This show had some fab-u-lous plots. One time the wind blew so hard that Elton lost his spots. They blew off and one landed in Hamilton’s face. That would have to be pretty gross. Imagine if part of someone’s skin blew off and hit you in the face? Yikes. Elton felt very naked without his spots, even though he’s always naked. And what’s up with that? How come Hamilton wears an entire set of clothes and Elton Beast doesn’t? I mean, Hamilton lives in a freaking box. The least Elton could do is put some pants on, especially with a little kid around. Jeez.
Maggie’s not a lot better. She has a whiny little voice and if not for her, this show wouldn’t exist since it’s from her viewpoint. Otherwise it would just be Beast and Ham, the Odd Couple for children. We wouldn’t be having all these whimsical freaking adventures either. I’m so sick of whimsical I could throw up in Hamilton’s box. Will Elton Beast get his spots back? Who cares? I’m pretty sure they found them and stuck them back on, though they never did explain how they fell off in the first place. Could you imagine if that could really happen? You’d have to hide your Dalmatians every time the wind blew.
On the plus side, I do not have to watch this show anymore, at least not without the alternately hilarious and disturbing commentary from my children. That makes any show worthwhile.
Irritating plots and characters: Yes
Elton John look-a-like Beast with Removable Spots: Yes
Preppy Homeless Pig in a Box: Yes
Delusions and/or alternate dimensions: Yes