Alice’s Revelations

Bruthahs and Sistahs!  I have HAD a revelation! It came down to me from the Heavens, and said “Clean up on aisle 6.”  Wait, that was the loudspeaker.  But it CAME to me that I was in ERROR, bruthahs and sistahs!  I HAD gone down the wrong path, away from the light, to the dark, where the bulbs were burnt out and there WAS no WalMart.

That’s right.  I had been led ASTRAY.  No more did I blog for blog’s sake, no, no.  It became all about the Washingtons, folks.  The bling.  The awards. The followers.  The comments.  And hits.  Just one more hit.  Hit me, hit me, hit . . . right, it was BAD, bruthas and sistahs.

But just when I was LOST came the revelation!  I stepped back, friends, and said “WTF?”  That’s right.  I no longer knew who I was!  Squirrel and Sad Pony considered doing an intervention, but Sad Pony said “What’s the use?” and Squirrel was too busy writing lurrve letters to Miss Four Eyes.  It was up to ME to see the TRUTH.  The truth that I was full of CRAP and that I was using the CAPS LOCK KEY way too much.

Because it’s not about the trappings of FAME, oh no, bruthahs and sistahs, for that does not last.  The stickers of bling are shiny, so shiny, shinyshiny.  But they are not what is eternal, no!  It is your voice, and what you say, that matters!  If you have followers, the followers will follow the blogger, not the bling!  Because, really, folks, if they want the bling then they CAN break one of those commandments and STEAL the bling.  They call it copy / paste.  Not that I would do this, only thought I should, you know, point that out.

I STOLE this from Miss Four Eyes's blog.  Sure she said I could take it, but still - I ripped it right off!

I STOLE this from Miss Four Eyes’s blog. Sure she said I could take it, but still – I ripped it right off!

This is not to lessen your bling, bruthas and sistahs.  We should be proud of bling, but not more than people!  It is people that follow your blog.  Well mostly.  Sometimes it is spambots, but mostly it is people.  People who leave comments saying “You’re cool” or “You suck” or “I thought I was going to find children’s toys here, not this sicko stuff you freak.”  This is one good reason to write, for the comments, for the blogger pals.

But the MOST important lesson, bruthas and sistahs, and remember this came from ON HIGH in Wal-Mart, is to blog for yourself.  If you don’t like doing it, why do it?  As Thing One’s teacher once said, what, are they going to give you a cookie for being the best, the fastest, the funniest?  I mean, once or twice or even a dozen times, maybe, but not every time.  Most times, it has to be your passion.  It has to be done for YOU first, because blogging is nothing if not inherently selfish, folks.

A great one once said, “Leave your bling, and follow me.”  That one was Jesus.  I’m not Jesus (I know, shock.)  I’m just a blogger, and ya love me, or ya hate me, or ya don’t care.  It’s up to you.  But I had to preach it to ya, bruthahs and sistahs, that I have found my way back to the TRUTH, for whatever it’s worth.  Though I still like it, I am leavin’ behind my want, my need, of the bling, the likes, hits, the comments, the followers, the trappin’s of fame.  All that is left is Alice.

And Wonderland, of course.  We’re all mad here.

44 responses

  1. Amen! Testify!

    Wait, I’m a GD hypocrite.

    (Skulks away, checking his stats on the phone again)

    1. Hahaha! I totally didn’t just check and see that I had 7 comments and go WOOT. Thanks for posting.

  2. No more bling then?
    But you are right, you preached the right gospel, you should blog for you, if you get followers is because they like your ways.
    And here we are.
    Can I get and Amen?
    Can I hear a Hallelujah?

    1. Amen! Hallelujah! Woot woot!

  3. I shudder to think of a world with no Walmart. Wait…what the fuck did I just write?

    1. A world without Wal-Mart is like a Whoville without a Grinch – who sells stuff at discount prices.

  4. Can I have an Amen
    As we ask ourselves WWJB
    What Would Jesus Blog!?
    Glory be for his word would be the truth
    And though we would be bored by his bragging of fish and bread
    And though we only invite him to our Blog-Parties for the cheap wine
    And though we should read through the posts of death,
    We shall fear no Clarence Gibbs
    For even as Jesus is followed but never follows
    He would be Blogging mighty real
    Yea verily
    Peace be with you my child

    1. What WOULD Jesus blog? That is such a good question. It would make an awesomely heretical blog post to have Jesus guest blog on your blog. And your poem is so the epitome of awesomeness, as usual.

      1. Hmm. While I have inadvertently not been very heretical – I may still end up in trouble for what I’m about to do! So I’ll acknowledge that you began this here, rather than associate you by mentioning it on the actual post 😉 Don’t want to get you in trouble 😈

        1. Haha! I’m looking forward to it.

  5. I feel like a big old Hallelujah! is in order. Blog bling is a dime a dozen. You’re right that that should not be one’s incentive.

    1. I have seen the LIGHT! Everyone get up and dance like Sister Act! Jazz hands!

  6. I refuse to say hallelujah or Amen. I will, however, say welcome back. The way to the light is broad and there are many paths. It’s worth taking the twisty one less traveled, so you can enjoy the scenery.

    Journey on, sistah.

    1. My path is pretty twisted, alright. Wait.

  7. You’re on fire today, Alice. You don’t need no bling! Amen, sister! I will always follow you. I want to live in a world with no Walmart. That’s what I want for Christmas.

    1. Yes! Sing it with me! I belieeeeve! I so didn’t buy a lot of my Christmas presents at Wal-Mart! Wait, yes I did! Nevermind! I want to live in a world where I only have to buy Christmas presents for my spoiled children. Otherwise, what a drag.

      You follow me, I follow you, Bumble, and we will continue going in a circle and hitting each other in the butt.

      The wisdom IS pouring out of me today.

  8. Amen Sister. I am also not blogging to get Freshly Pressed. Oh no, I’m not.

    And I will always follow you, just lead the way sister … all the way to Walmart if that’s what it takes.

    1. Down the halls of Wal-Mart, to the shores of Tripoli – or something! Thanks for your support. May your sparkly wand be with you!

  9. At the end of the day, everyone wants to be liked, so no one blames you for being normal. But blogging should be fun too. And it’s way more fun if you just write what you want to write. Unless you’re planning on monetizing the blog, the size doesn’t really matter. (And frankly, that sounds kinda un-fun…)

    1. You’re right, L & L. Wait, I can make MONEY? Just kidding. 😀

  10. Amen, sista! I hear ya!
    The fame is nice, the bling is nice, the comments and the followers, all very nice. But you’re right it’s about writing for ourselves and for those ever encouraging “You suck!” comments. Bring me back into the light, sista!

    P.S. I love you and your CAPS LOCK crazy!
    P.P.S. I don’t have a Walmart near where I live. *Gasp* I know, it’s like I live in a cave! You still love me, don’t you?

    1. There’s nothing like a good “You suck” to make it all worthwhile. That – could have different meanings. Too much 50 Shades.

      P.S. THANK YOU
      P.P.S. My GOD, do you at least have a Dollar Tree? I must send Sad Pony out with supplies.

  11. “I will follow her.
    Follow her wherever SHE may GO!
    There isn’t an ocean too deep,
    A mountain so high it can keep –
    KEEP me away!

    1. This made me laugh so freaking hard! Finally I don’t hate that song!

      1. That’s what I was goin’ for.

        Maybe some extra credit too 😉

  12. Amen, sistah…have I mentioned that I awarded you some blogbling?

  13. Stay mad, Sistah Alice! Stay mad. I have an endless need for madness.

  14. I think it’s so easy to get caught up in the glory of blog bling and retweets. I’ll admit, I did when I first started the blog. Eventually, that petered out and I was sadsies. Then I realized I was growing a real community with awesome people and that’s way better than a blog badge.

    Just be yourself and do the best you can as a blogger. That’s success, in my humble opinion. I’m glad you’re back and chipper. I was a little worried after your second to last post.

    1. It helps when someone asks “What the hell is a blog?” Keeps you grounded.

      1. HAHA! A friend to me: “So, do you still do that online diary stuff?”

  15. Breakfast at epiphanies.

    1. I should have breakfast there every morning. They make the most meaningful waffles there.

  16. I saw your posts on Pandas site – Glad I popped in for a look around – you are funny (in a good way that is) not white jacket buckled up type funny.. love the style of your site too. 🙂

    1. Ha! Thank you. I might be white jacket type funny at times as well. The art on my site comes from the website It’s called Lenny’s Alice in Wonderland. He’s scanned original photos and text from the books, and gives other information as well. It’s a great site.

      1. Thanks for the info. Nothing wrong with white jackets I too wear them occasionally 🙂

  17. This sounds far too sensible… But I can see the point. Writing for self is definitely the way to go and to heck with the FP people and the awards and things. Yes, it’s nice to get recognition, but really, it’s best to just write for yourself (and those who truly follow you).

    Alice, you rock.

    Incidently, can you tell Squirrel that there are several of his rellies all messing about here and entertaining the Sisters at mealtimes? I guess they’ll be heading off to hibernate soon.

    1. I told Squirrel. He said, “Party?” and I haven’t seen him since. Whoops. Sorry.

      1. It’s ok. It’ll keep the Sisters entertained at mealtimes!

          1. Well, either he’s been in Whitby a while, or it’s one of his relatives, thinking to the antics of the squirrels who’ve been acrobating about on the bird feeders and bird table…

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