That Santa is messing with the wrong girl. I decided to send him a friendly-type reminder via email.
From: Alice the Terminator [email@example.com]
To: Santa Jerk [ThebigSman@northpole.com]
Subject: What blinks red and poops glitter?
Forgot to mention one little thing. Ding ding. That’s the sound of a reindeer harness. I have the best new flashlight ever. Also, a great lawn ornament. The most realistic on my block. Just sayin’.
Ooh, look, and here’s a picture:
Looking forward to my Noo-Noo. Hint, hint.
P.S. It was way too easy to hack into your Facebook, Santa. “Ho, ho, ho” is a really lame password. Anyway, you are now friends with E.L. James. F.Y.I.