Suing Santa

Well, this was getting out of hand, so I figured I needed some representation, STAT!  Fortunately Thing One offered some advice as well as the help of her firm.

(In other words, part of this post was Thing One’s idea.)

From: The Law Offices of Thing One, Thing Two, Sad Pony, & Squirrel

To: Mr. Santa Edward Claus

c/c: Reindeer Incident

Dear Mr. Claus:

We refer to the incident involving the alleged kidnapping of one Rudolf Reindeer on the night of December 12, 2012.  Our client respectfully has no idea what you are talking about.  Said reindeer simply followed her home one day and our fellow attorney Sad Pony was there taking notes for the upcoming court case.  Our client consents to returning said reindeer, but requires back payment of Christmas Presents for the last thirty or so years in return.

Don't let this happen to you, Santa

Don’t let this happen to you, Santa

It has also come to our attention that you have a nuclear factory located within 50 miles of your workshop.  This is against North Pole code, and has possibly resulted in the glowing red nose of said reindeer as well as the various mutations found in some of your elves.  It would be in your best interest to cease and desist operating your factory, before more legal action is taken against you.

Sincerely,

Thing One

Thing One, Thing Two, Sad Pony, & Squirrel, LLC

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24 responses

  1. Take him down!!!
    He’s a vouyerist

    1. That’s right, I didn’t even mention the stalker like behavior – or the breaking and entering. Tsk, tsk, Santa!

      1. I’m sure he’ll look for a settlement before the hearing.
        He doesn’t stand a chance

  2. I putting Thing One on retainer

    1. I think she has a real future, there. 😀

  3. You make law enforcement seem easy…this is obviously fictitious!

    1. Yeah, you could think it was all made up, but DON’T, cause you want presents, right?

      1. It hurts my heart to even think about it!

    2. Hahaha! I love George! Oh, myyyyyyy.

      1. Yes. He can make anything bearable…almost.

  4. Oh yes, I love your kids. Tell Thing One she’s brilliant, please!

    1. I did. She is beaming. 😀

  5. I am officially your one woman cheering squad (unless Jillian would like to join me. She will read this. Hi Jill)
    GOOOO Alice! *thrusts pom poms in air a tad inappropriately*
    Why do I love blackmailing Santa so much?

    1. Yeah, where is Jill? Hey, JILLLL!!!!

      Rah, rah, kick ’em in the rear, smack him in the head, fight, fight, fight! Clearly I was meant to be a cheerleader. I think blackmail is a universal feeling, a natural extension of the spirit of Christmas. Or something.

    2. Haha! You guys know my stalking tendencies too well…

      And consider yourself part of a TWO woman cheering squad! I mean, I dig Santa – but this letter is TOO PERFECT!

      1. Yay, Jill! You can totally be on my Santa Assault Team. We could probably get L & L to join – she has experience what with the whole Zombie Attack Force.

        1. Oooo – that’s good! Cause zombie fighting skills will definitely help – I’m pretty sure Santa must be part Zombie (I mean, he’s OLD!)

  6. Get a tape recorder. Watch the weather channel. When there’s precipitation round the North Pole, phone Santa. Hold the tape recorder to the earpiece. Pretend to be his wife and ask him what the weather is like. When he says, “it looks like rain dear,” you’ll have taped evidence that Rudolph was outside his house all along!

    I don’t know if that works on any level, but at least it’s out of my head now!

    1. Perfect! You work for Panda C.S.I., right?

      1. P.S.I.
        (we work under pressure!!)

  7. Oh, Alice. How tragic for Rudolf and his red nose. A nuclear reaction. I should have known. All these years I thought it was magic, Alice.

    1. It’s like the Christmas innocence is gone, gone, gone!!! But hey, great gifts!

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