Do you have a favorite quote that you return to again and again? What is it, and why does it move you?
I have many favorite quotes, but the one I want to talk about today is by Alfred Hitchcock. “Revenge is sweet and not fattening.”
Revenge. Have you ever wanted revenge? I’m thinking you have, whether or not you have actually taken it. Even Jesus got cheesed off with those moneychangers. That’s totally my favorite part of the Bible. You go, Jesus!
But there are people who want you to be all peaceful and crap. Aren’t they annoying? John Milton said, “He that studieth revenge keepeth his own wounds green, which otherwise would heal and do well.” Yeah, well, bite me, John Milton. I still want it. But the problem with revenge is pulling it off. You gotta be sneaky. Otherwise it could end up biting you. Douglas Horton or possibly Confucious famously said, “While seeking revenge, dig two graves. One for yourself.” These guys were real downers.
By the way, I’m getting these quotes from this site, so for once I’m not making them up. http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/keywords/revenge.htmlThough they might be, since I’ve already found one quote attributed to two different people. I should probably do more research. Nah.
Revenge is possible! And I’m not talking about George Herbert’s “Living well is the best revenge.” Pfft. No way, I’m talking people that did it and actually got away with it. These people are my heroes. Alfred Hitchcock said, “Revenge is sweet and not fattening.” Damn straight, Alfred. He was not someone to screw around with. Piss him off and suddenly you have freaking birds come after you and peck your eyeballs out. I would have liked to have been buds with Alfred Hitchcock. I bet he could have helped me out a lot with my AliceRage.
What’s bad is when it’s someone you can’t touch, like say a boss. My current boss is really great, and I’m not just sucking up here. She really is a wonderful person. But I’ve had bosses in the past that made this lady look like a real peach.
One in particular was especially bad. Fellow staff members and I had fond names for her, such as “Dead Alien Soul Boss” and “Satan.” She treated most of the staff horribly, but I was her special whipping girl. She really wanted me to quit. I stayed for years. There were various reasons behind this, chief among them a crappy economy and desire to eat, but also that it really would have made her happy for me to leave.
I couldn’t yell at her, or punch her, or stomp on her face, or punch her again and stomp on her face, and fire codes prevented me from setting her on fire. So all I could do was keep showing up, and this seemed to piss her off most of all. She kept trying to find ways to torture me, but the problem was that she was a moron. You have to have brains to properly get revenge on somebody (I guess she wanted revenge on me for being super awesome and, you know, sane). One of her strategies was to never allow me to learn new skills. So while the other people were say, stuck at the desk working, she’d send me out to read shelves. When you read shelves, you’re just checking to make sure the books are in order. There’s really no way to tell if you’re doing anything or not, unless you stand over the person. So I went out there, all by myself, and did nothing but stare at the books while daydreaming about her head exploding.
Besides being mean and stupid, she was insane. No, really, it was a fun guessing game to try to figure out her psychiatric diagnosis. I’m thinking Narcissitic Personality Disorder would have been pretty close. Also you can’t forget “nuts”. She talked to puppets. Not just to rehearse puppet plays, just because. If I ever had to talk to her, and believe me I tried to avoid it, it was like shoving words into a wood chipper. They came back at you completely distorted. Her moods could change from morning to afternoon. One second she was balling you out for breathing and the next she was asking about your day like you were best pals. Freak-ing nuts. It should come as no surprise that her major was Communications.
She tried everything she could to hold me down, to make me appear less than, to hide all my fabulous Alice light under her big fat bushel. And it almost worked. But I finally quit. Fortunately, one of my interviews came through and I got my current job. But I was willing to shovel fast food at that point. She had power over me for so long, and she used her pathetic bit of power to try to push me down. I had done nothing to her. She made my life miserable, and nearly ruined my health. And there was nothing I could do about it.
Yet when I left, I left a hole in that place. I had worked more hours as a part-timer than anyone else. I knew how to do things that no one else knew how to do. I had done all the dirty jobs that no one wanted. So I left, and suddenly, it was the holidays, and everyone took vacation and she had to scramble to fill spots (I heard this from my former coworkers later). Merry freaking Christmas! Also, after I left, others started leaving. One by one, till only a year later almost every employee – many of whom had been there for years and had tons of experience – had left. Now they are left with teens who look at their jobs with the same passion and drive as any burger flipping job. And then one day she ran into my new boss, and my new boss raved about me, and she looked like she had swallowed a cantaloupe. That was sweet, not fattening, I tell you.
But it still would have been nice to have done some face stomping. Have you ever wanted revenge? Did you ever manage to get it? If so, please leave your stories. I’d love to read them