Daily Prompt: Quote Me (My Ode to Revenge)

Do you have a favorite quote that you return to again and again? What is it, and why does it move you?

I have many favorite quotes, but the one I want to talk about today is by Alfred Hitchcock.  “Revenge is sweet and not fattening.”

Revenge.  Have you ever wanted revenge?  I’m thinking you have, whether or not you have actually taken it.  Even Jesus got cheesed off with those moneychangers.  That’s totally my favorite part of the Bible.  You go, Jesus!

But there are people who want you to be all peaceful and crap.  Aren’t they annoying?  John Milton said, “He that studieth revenge keepeth his own wounds green, which otherwise would heal and do well.”  Yeah, well, bite me, John Milton.  I still want it.  But the problem with revenge is pulling it off.  You gotta be sneaky.  Otherwise it could end up biting you.  Douglas Horton or possibly Confucious famously said, “While seeking revenge, dig two graves.  One for yourself.”  These guys were real downers.


Confucious or . . . Santa?

By the way, I’m getting these quotes from this site, so for once I’m not making them up.    http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/keywords/revenge.htmlThough they  might be, since I’ve already found one quote attributed to two different people.  I should probably do more research.  Nah. 

Revenge is possible!  And I’m not talking about George Herbert’s “Living well is the best revenge.”  Pfft.  No way, I’m talking people that did it and actually got away with it.  These people are my heroes.  Alfred Hitchcock said, “Revenge is sweet and not fattening.”  Damn straight, Alfred.  He was not someone to screw around with.  Piss him off and suddenly you have freaking birds come after you and peck your eyeballs out.  I would have liked to have been buds with Alfred Hitchcock.  I bet he could have helped me out a lot with my AliceRage.

What’s bad is when it’s someone you can’t touch, like say a boss.  My current boss is really great, and I’m not just sucking up here.  She really is a wonderful person.  But I’ve had bosses in the past that made this lady look like a real peach.


She’s a real people person, that Queen of Hearts.

One in particular was especially bad.  Fellow staff members and I had fond names for her, such as “Dead Alien Soul Boss” and “Satan.”  She treated most of the staff horribly, but I was her special whipping girl.  She really wanted me to quit.  I stayed for years.  There were various reasons behind this, chief among them a crappy economy and desire to eat, but also that it really would have made her happy for me to leave.

I couldn’t yell at her, or punch her, or stomp on her face, or punch her again and stomp on her face, and fire codes prevented me from setting her on fire.  So all I could do was keep showing up, and this seemed to piss her off most of all.  She kept trying to find ways to torture me, but the problem was that she was a moron.  You have to have brains to properly get revenge on somebody (I guess she wanted revenge on me for being super awesome and, you know, sane).  One of her strategies was to never allow me to learn new skills.  So while the other people were say, stuck at the desk working, she’d send me out to read shelves.  When you read shelves, you’re just checking to make sure the books are in order.  There’s really no way to tell if you’re doing anything or not, unless you stand over the person.  So I went out there, all by myself, and did nothing but stare at the books while daydreaming about her head exploding.

I hate you, Alice.

HER head exploding, not Kittehs!

Besides being mean and stupid, she was insane.  No, really, it was a fun guessing game to try to figure out her psychiatric diagnosis.  I’m thinking Narcissitic Personality Disorder would have been pretty close.  Also you can’t forget “nuts”.  She talked to puppets.  Not just to rehearse puppet plays, just because.  If I ever had to talk to her, and believe me I tried to avoid it, it was like shoving words into a wood chipper.  They came back at you completely distorted.  Her moods could change from morning to afternoon.  One second she was balling you out for breathing and the next she was asking about your day like you were best pals.  Freak-ing nuts.  It should come as no surprise that her major was Communications.

She tried everything she could to hold me down, to make me appear less than, to hide all my fabulous Alice light under her big fat bushel.  And it almost worked.  But I finally quit.  Fortunately, one of my interviews came through and I got my current job.  But I was willing to shovel fast food at that point.  She had power over me for so long, and she used her pathetic bit of power to try to push me down.  I had done nothing to her.  She made my life miserable, and nearly ruined my health.   And there was nothing I could do about it.

Psst, Alice, I totally could have joined her puppet crew.

Psst, Alice, I totally could have joined her puppet crew.

Yet when I left, I left a hole in that place.  I had worked more hours as a part-timer than anyone else.  I knew how to do things that no one else knew how to do.  I had done all the dirty jobs that no one wanted.  So I left, and suddenly, it was the holidays, and everyone took vacation and she had to scramble to fill spots (I heard this from my former coworkers later).  Merry freaking Christmas!  Also, after I left, others started leaving.  One by one, till only a year later almost every employee – many of whom had been there for years and had tons of experience – had left.  Now they are left with teens who look at their jobs with the same passion and drive as any burger flipping job.  And then one day she ran into my new boss, and my new boss raved about me, and she looked like she had swallowed a cantaloupe.  That was sweet, not fattening, I tell you.

But it still would have been nice to have done some face stomping.  Have you ever wanted revenge?  Did you ever manage to get it?  If so, please leave your stories.  I’d love to read them

35 responses

  1. I’m not really one for revenge–too much of a conflict avoider, I guess. That being said, if a little Karma righted the situation, something that wasn’t my own doing, I wouldn’t be too upset. 😉

    1. Oh, me too, plus I’m afraid I’d get caught. In reality, I guess my “revenge” was really more karma anyway, since I didn’t purposely do anything to her. She did it to herself, really, and continues to do so. But I’m freeeee!

  2. I have sought revenge…successfully more or less, but I won’t tell. It makes me look really, really bad…
    And wow, you cranked a post that long out just like that?

    1. Actually I had it sitting around and was like, hey, there are quotes in this one. It can be that prompt thingie.

      I think it’s natural human desire to want revenge. Taking it is another thing entirely. I have the most awesomely evil thoughts. Good thing I didn’t become a super villain.

      1. Hey, you still have time…it may just be the career for you.

        1. You can be my sidekick. We’ll have to have cool supervillain names. And costumes. But no underwear over the clothes.

          1. We should def photoshop something there ; )
            It’s funny you had written your post some time before the prompt; same thing happened to (I wrote it just yesterday, which makes it seem like fate).
            What should we call ourselves? “The Revengers”?

          2. I like it. We could do stuff like force super crazy right wingers to get ultrasounds, then wear those pregnancy bellies for nine months while injecting them with various hormones and finally yanking like a watermelon out of their butts.

          3. Count me in.
            You hear that Rupert Murdoch, Sheldon Adelson? Buy some stock in lubricant and watermelons. Now.

  3. I don’t really do revenge, though sometimes I’d love to. I don’t like looking in the rearview mirror. Especially when I’m going forward.

    1. Yeah somehow I’d get caught and then it just wouldn’t be fun anymore. Unless I could somehow turn invisible – it could be one of my super villain powers – and then wreak havoc. Or if there is an afterlife, and I get to be a ghost, that would totally rock. You could mess with people constantly – like move things around and take their keys and stuff.

      1. If I could be Patrick Swayze from Ghost my afterlife would be complete. I would fuck with EVERYBODY.

        1. If you were Patrick Swayze in the afterlife I would follow you everywhere. We could make awful pottery together and drop it on peoples’ heads.

  4. Nuts is actually a diagnosis in the new DSM 5. I think. I actually haven’t read psych since they used Roman numerals.
    For other great parts of the Bible check out http://www.thebrickbible.com/menu.html.
    I have trouble achieving revenge because I forget.

    1. Zomg, everything is better with Legos! My kids will not stop playing those Lego Star Wars games. I have to see Lego Moses part the Lego Sea.

  5. Wasn’t “If you seek revenge, dig two graves” on a Stanley Marsh sign in your old neighborhood? I think that sign warped your brain.

    1. Ugh, those signs. Did you know they arrested that old eccentric, possibly child molester millionaire Marsh?

      1. Yup, I’d heard that.

  6. *applause*
    Well done, Alice. Post, revenge, and everything. I’m with you – I’m not forgiving, not at all. I’m not the best at revenge though, because I always keep fearing I might regret or because I simply don’t have the guts.
    Either way, I’m still pro revenge. There’s but one way to deal with injustice: do it right back.

    1. Yes! I knew I couldn’t be the only slightly evil minded person out there. I don’t have the guts but I do have the guilt, so mostly I just think of revenge strategies. It is lucky I don’t have a partner in crime willing to do the stuff. Although TAE might fit the bill if we can get our super villain act together.

  7. Oh man, I remember at my old job at a bagel shop, we all hated our boss, and would day dream about making dramatic exits during busy hours. But of course none of us ever did it. But the day I left was sweet.

    And what was sweeter? When I moved back and he took me to lunch to invite me to work for him again. I turned him down and now work somewhere else. He is not. happy. But I am 🙂

    1. Ha! That must have been sweet. My boss would never want me back – she’s too scared of me. I was pretty close to leading a peasant revolt for a while.

  8. Face stomping revenge is only sweet at the time. When you realise you have to clean someone’s face off your boots, it’s less pleasing.

    I think you went about it completely the right way, and let your new boss be the instrument of your revenge (even if she didn’t know that that’s what she was at the time).

    I think there’s only one person I’d like to annoy/wind up in this sort of way, and the way to do that is to continue in my testing of my vocation to the religious life and keep letting everyone I know just how happy I am in it, and letting it feed back. And ideally, it being the right vocation for me and my staying and taking vows.

    1. I hope so. It seems like you’re doing well, and I’m enjoying learning about your journey, and that you can be religious and still cool. 😀

      1. Monday to Friday this week, I was with 17 other Novices from other Anglican religious communities, all in Oxford, learning about the Oxford Movement and the history of Anglican reglious communities. It was oddly fun – not just all 18 of us trotting around Oxford in habits, but to spend time with other people doing the same thing, and to be staying with a completely different order (we were staying with the Sisters of the Love of God, or SLG, who are a contemplative/enclosed order, but it didn’t feel weird, it felt like home – I’m rather hoping that God doesn’t decide I’m meant to be there, and that it just felt home-like because I’m getting used to Religious Life in general).

        1. Having so much built in community should be nice, at least if you get along, which sounds like you do. Must be another good sign.

          1. I think the reason the novices do is because we’re all from different communities and so we don’t actually live together and don’t see each other all that often. Plus it gives us a chance to let of steam about some of the frustrating things of community life to people who will actually understand because they’re seeing the same things.

  9. I got a good larf out of this one, thank you. Actually my dog takes revenge on people she is jealous of by shitting on their pillows. Once she thought I was working too much so she shit in my briefcase. I wasn’t too pleased about that.

    1. I would love to borrow your dog and let her poop on my ex-boss’s desk.

      1. LOL how about in her keyboard?

        1. Even better! You cannot get stuff out of your keyboard!

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    1. Why, thank you carb, I love you too. Especially in cinnamon rolls.

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