Where the heck is Alice?

This all started with that bloody Daily Post.  The nice WP person who is much more computer savvy than I, talked about how you could insert a Google map into one of your posts.   And then you could talk about all the places you had been.  This would have been pretty lame.  Or you could talk about where you wanted to go.  I figured that would be more fun, and I could make it really nuts, and travel from Texas to Canada (I hear it’s better) to Mexico (I like the food) to Chile (I like countries with food names) to Antarctica (I like Penguins).

But, predictably, I could not get this feature to work.  I tried drawing lines between points and my lines would not work when I wanted to, but worked splendidly when I didn’t want them to do so.  And sometimes Google Maps would place markers in the middle of say, the Indian Ocean.  I’m not a very good swimmer.  Finally, when I was done, Google Maps showed a picture of . . . blue.  That was the map.  I have no idea what I did.

It doesn’t help that I have absolutely no sense of Geography whatsoever.  All those European countries over there are all just floating around hither and yon and I have no idea what all they have in Africa.  I did at one time – right after I took my Geography class, but then my brain decided it could dump that file.  Who needs that when you can hang onto 5o prepositions (aboard, about, above, across . . .) and the names of all the Cabbage Patch Kids you had as a child.  Clearly this info is more important.

Not only do I not know Geography, I don’t even know where I am at any one time.  I have no sense of direction, and can get lost in the city I’ve lived either by or in MY ENTIRE LIFE.  This is a source of great amusement to my husband, but not so much to me, as I circle around and around the same gas station, trying to find my way to the doctor’s office I’ve visited dozens of times before.

So I figured that since I couldn’t get Google Maps to work, I’d just make my own freaking map.  I made a map of Wonderland as it exists in my blog world.  Hop down the rabbit hole and take a look.

Who needs real countries when you can make them up?

Who needs real countries when you can make them up?

Just remember: if you get lost, do not ask me for directions.

32 responses

  1. Where’s the Sad Pony Corral?

    1. There is a SadPonyville, but Corral would have been better.

  2. Scientology? Like “hahaha scientology” or “Scientology!” … curiouser and cuirouser.

    1. I figured the capital needed to be totally incomprehensible and bizarre and bam! Scientology popped into my head.

      1. I’ve not delved deep into any research, but I find it very odd that hardly anything comes up about it through a Google search. I think it’s probably one of the only religion/philosophies that you can’t look up. Maybe it’s because it’s scarier than Satanism, but that (anti)religion you can actually look up. (I notice most Satanists are major rebels so I doubt they’d want their thing to be called a religion. Just my guess.)

        1. They are a creepy bunch. I read this article about a woman reporter that did a piece on them and was stalked by the organization for years. I’ll have to see if I can find it again. Also: Tom Cruise. Enough said!

  3. We lived in Germ City for the entire winter break. I would not recommend visiting.

    1. We’ve been there for months as well. I think someone should post “Unclean” on our front door.

  4. Ha! EL’s house is a grey square! You’re brilliant.

    1. Thank you. She is very square and grey.

  5. Why would you go to Germ City? It seems like you’d detour that particular place.

    1. I keep trying but my internal GPS (or lack of immune system) keeps redirecting me back there.

      1. Perhaps it’s time for a new GPS (or immune system)?

        1. Can you order those on Amazon?

          1. Either there or eBay.

          2. All right! Mama needs a new immune system! I wonder how much I should bid. This guy selling it seems so legit.

          3. Oh, I’m sure he is. Everybody on eBay is pretty honest.

  6. Hehe, is Squirrel Town poop shaped?
    No wonder Sad Pony is so sad all the time! Being neighbors with James and Germville IS sad!

    1. It could be a squirrel tail OR a poop shape. Either describes him perfectly. And I didn’t even realize where I’d placed Sad Pony, but yes, that would make anybody depressed.

  7. I didn’t even know such a map feature was available, so you’re a step ahead of me. Besides, your map is much better, especially since it has cookies on it.

    1. Thank you. I think so too. Cookies!

  8. … much better than anything stupid old Google maps could have produced…

    1. I think so too. Also, don’t ask Google Maps for directions. You’ll end up in Wonderland. 😀

      1. I’ll remember. Especially when I feel like dropping by. 🙂

  9. Your map is much more interesting than anything Google comes up with. I mean, Google insists on putting on there places which exist outside of people’s heads, that just anyone can get to without much thought or even all that much effort, given that all that is required is knowing which plane, train, or bus to get.

    Trying to get to a place inside someone’s head, or inside a book, is much more fun. I’d quite like to visit Middle Earth, and Narnia, and Never Land, and Wonderland (of course).

    1. And you can do that with a library card! This has been a PSA from Alice the Librarian.

      1. Did I say that I help out in the OHP library? Mostly putting books back on the shelves (or tidying the shelves when the Sisters seem to forget what order the alphabet runs in) but occasionally accessioning books too. You can see pictures of our library on the website as well (ohpwhitby.org.uk if you’ve not been there yet).

        1. Ooh, I’ll have to take a look. You have a website – very cool.

          1. Yes we do, and it’s reasonably snazzy these days as well. Of course, I have to say that – I’m charged with the job of keeping it up to date, under the guidance of my novice guardian.

            I’m sure I’ve mentioned it before now, but maybe not directly to you. I forget what I have told to whom, upon occasion.

  10. I share your lack of sense of direction. I’ve spent half an hour, easy, just trying to get out of a neighborhood I’ve never been to before at night. It’s horrible. I love your map. I’m kind of glad that Google Maps didn’t work for you, because you (probably) never would have made that awesome gem.

    1. Thanks. I thought about being a map maker, but people kept whining “that doesn’t exist”. They just didn’t believe in me! 😀

      1. They just don’t see the world properly…

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