Epic Quests and crap like that.

So I decided I needed to lose weight.  This realization came about when I (1) stepped on a scale and saw a bad, bad number (2) saw myself in a picture in which my thighs were spread out like Manifest Destiny (3) realized I would soon need to buy new pants and I hate trying on pants with the power of a thousand exploding suns.

I figured a good time to start would be the New Year, which gave me the excuse to eat lots of good food beforehand.  But now that I’m here, I’m realizing something.  This weight loss business?  Yeah, it sucks.

It sounds like FUN right?

It sounds like FUN right?

I decided not to go with any of the regular diets, because I knew there was no way I was going to do anything like count points (Math is harrd), spend lots of money (Jenny Freaking Craig and the like), or eliminate key foods like meat (I am not a bunny) or bread (screw you, Atkins).  So my pal Ravin found this thing on Facebook called Superbetter, and it’s great because it rewards you for stuff like breathing.  No, really, it does.

I like rewards.  Even meaningless point awards and “good job!” messages.  This should come as no surprise considering my massive collection of blog bling.  Superbetter sets up “Quests” for you, but don’t worry, you aren’t going to have to find some stupid ring like Frodo.  The Quests involve little things that will let you (eventually, like maybe in 2015) reach your “epic win” defined as whatever you consider “epic”.  I consider losing five pounds to be “epic” since I have yet to do so, at least on purpose.  Also five didn’t sound as depressing as like fifty.

The scale said WHAT?

The scale said WHAT?

But beware, for there are “Bad Guys” that will keep you from reaching your win.  No, I’m not making this up.  Bad Guys include things like “liquid calories” which is one of my favorite forms of calorie.  You can avoid these bad guys by using “Powerups” or simply putting “quotes” around every other word.  Powerups can be anything from breathing (take five deep breaths before you kill your kids) to chugging a glass of water.  I think it says chugging because that sounds better than drinking tasteless liquid.

Oh, and they say you should exercise too, the killjoys.  But they start out simple.  One of the suggestions is to get out of your chair and like stand every thirty minutes or so.  I have that in the bag, man.  I can stand like nobody’s business.  It also suggests you get fresh air (Superbetter doesn’t understand stuff like allergies or, say, seasons – it’s freaking winter here!).  But I have implemented some of these, because exercising is a good way to use all that extra free floating anxiety and AliceRage I keep stored up for a rainy day.  If I exercise enough, I might not kill my coworkers with a stapler.

And I even stayed away from sugary colas for a week!  Oh, how I miss thee, sugary syrup that can clean my car battery!  But I just fell off the wagon because I’m cheap.  I went in search of a diet drink in desperation because I was falling asleep at my desk.  I pushed the button and out popped a regular drink, not a diet.  It was like Fate, my friends.  And I was way too cheap to let it go to waste.  So I drank of it, even though it was a Pepsi and I don’t like Pepsi, but this Pepsi was superbetter than any other Pepsi I have ever tasted.

At this point, either of you will do.  SUGAR!

At this point, either of you will do. SUGAR!

So obviously this is going to be a long road, complete with stupid quests, bad guys, and Pokemon powerups.  But it says you do better if you share your quests with others.  And the quests can be for lots of stuff, not just losing weight.   I’m dragging Sad Pony and Squirrel along for the ride.  Squirrel vibrates constantly and needs help with his caffeine, sugar, and meth nuts addiction.  Sad Pony needs to get his pony butt off the floor and get happy already.  Anyone else want to join me in my EPIC QUEST?

I don't.

I don’t.

Sure sure sure sounds like fun yes weee when do we start yayyyyyy nutsssss!

Sure sure sure sounds like fun yes weee when do we start yayyyyyy nutsssss!

243 responses

  1. I actually found SuperBetter here on WordPress. I think it was on the Geek Anthropologist’s blog. And a small cheat once a week won’t utterly destroy your diet. Relax!

    1. I will have to visit the Geek Anthropologist and see how miserable s/he is. And relax? Relax?????

      I’ll work on it.

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  2. Diets cause me to gain weight. If I play the “this or that” game in my head and squash my cravings before they get severe, it’s better. Example of this or that: Soup and half-sandwich OR potato skins. Sudden craving for salt and vinegar chips? Snack sized bag and fire is put out. Halting myself from buying small bag, 3 days later big bag is purchased. If I restrict myself, it’s no good. I have to just change my habits by challenging myself and giving myself the option to be bad. Take a way the option and it becomes more appealing. This is just my own philosophy.

    1. I know this is true. I can get some pretty bad cravings, but I’m afraid if I indulge then I’ll just keep indulging. For instance, I’ve been having a big craving for a cookies n cream milkshake. How can I play this or that with milkshakes? Or with cokes? I LOVE them.

      And I’m probably addicted to the sugar more than the caffeine because it keeps my blood sugar steady. When I had the one coke yesterday it shot up and then BAM cause I didn’t have anymore. Yuck. I eat snacks in between meals but I can still get wonky sometimes. I have fruit and peanut butter crackers and low fat cheese sticks for snacks now though. Good Alice.

      1. Maybe a Candida diet would work well in your case. It would eliminate your sugar cravings and you’re not allowed to eat certain things for several months or more-depends on how bad your candida buildup is. You do have to buy rather expensive supplements though to take whilst on it so it’s not great if you’re on a tight budget or anything. But just thought I’d mention it since you say your cravings are for sugar. Water is not bad once you get used to drinking it over other beverages. Try adding Crystal Light packets to your water for flavour and see if it helps you drink more water or not. Anyway, it’s best to go slowly with these things and not do crash diets b/c the weight will return along with a few extra pounds on top of it. After years of being eating disordered I figure the least I can do are pass along some healthy ideas! LOL

        1. I’ve wondered about doing that. Yeah, the financial thing would probably be a bit much right now, but maybe in the future. I don’t mind water is it is really cold. But the sugar – yum! Also salt is a good one. Sigh. But obviously you’ve been working hard overcoming an eating disorder, so I can at least try, right?

          1. Well trying is all one should ever be expected to do! It would not be fair to demand or expect dramatic results or changes. Small changes over time are what work best. Also, don’t be hard on yourself if you “mess up”. It’s better to forgive a minor set back than throw in the towel altogether. It took me quite awhile to get better and I had a psychologist to support me. Support from a friend or family member would be fine though if you don’t have underlying factors contributing to the unhealthy eating. Good luck! 🙂

  3. If you drink soda, it’ll be super easy to lose 5 pounds: Don’t drink it. Soda-ban in the house. (This from somebody who indulges in a glass of coke every quarter or so…ha.)
    But seriously, it would be much harder to lose weight if you got to “the scale said what?” without drinking any soda…so that’s good!

    1. I’m trying to stick to the diet sodas, mostly because I have to have something to wake me up and I hate coffee unless it has tons of sugar in it. I can never seem to get enough sleep even when I have eight hours and I take meds that can make you sleepy. Ugh.

      I’m trying to also up water though. I’d never be able to ban soda from my husband who drinks it like crazy but stays thin. Jerk. 😀

      1. My advantage is that I mostly find soda disgusting (no, that’s not too harsh of a word), and even if it were the only drink around, I would resort to tap water.
        Maybe try a tasty tea on black tea basis to wake you up? More water might make you feel more awake, too, that and calisthenics…ugh.

        1. In some respects I have had the same problem with sodas and the dreaded water. I found that I really loved the carbonation so I forced myself to drink seltzer for a while. Now it is the only thing I drink. Just a suggestion.

          1. That’s an interesting idea. Thanks.

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      2. I’ve heard that eating an apple can wake you up as effectively as drinking coffee. I’ve never tried it. Don’t take my coffee.

        1. That’s true! I heard that as well and tried it and it does in fact work well. Still drink coffee and tea though!

        2. I dunno, I’ve been eating apples and I haven’t perked up much. And no one should come between a gal and her caffeine.

          1. I heard that Jamie Oliver eats a bit of a hot chilli in the morning to give him a kick start…

          2. That would certainly give you a kick start – though your coworkers might not be as appreciative. 😀

  4. I think a “diet” has to fit with who you are and what you do. Some deprivation is necessary at first, yes, but you need to make it a lifestyle change. You don’t have to go cold turkey, but ease off in quantity every few weeks.
    It sounds like you should keep a few fizzy drinks in your car, because you just never know: “…sugary syrup that can clean my car battery!”

    1. True. It probably is better to ease off, especially with the stress in my life lately. It’s crazy. I gave in and had a milkshake, but a small, and then I danced some with my kids.

      1. We all need concessions.
        Congrats on the pending FP. That deserves a dance of its own in celebration.

  5. Hmmm…turning weight loss into a roleplaying game? Interesting.

    1. Too bad there aren’t lightsabers.

      1. Yeah, we could do our own liposuction with those.

  6. I’m with you, if not on an actual quest, I’m at least trying to lose weight and exercise. It’s tough and I have barely started. I find doing my yoga first thing after waking up is my best bet. If I wait until later, I never do it. I’m currently taking two short walks a day and that is starting to make a difference. For me, weight loss should be easy: I don’t drink soda, and eat small meals (never seconds). My weakness is chocolate and ice cream, preferably together, in large quantities. I’ve been pretty good so far this year, but then it’s only been two weeks. I’m with you though. Good luck in your quest.

    1. I have a yoga mat and a video. It’s the actual yoga doing I haven’t mastered yet. Good luck to you too.

    2. Ice cream and chocolate are my downfall too. I don’t believe in a ‘diet’, but in working daily to improve the healthiness of the food I eat. Chronicling all food on your quest may help. Everything is better if it’s an adventure, or quest.
      Some of the small changes I’ve made lately are:
      1. Parking at the top of a 4 story parking structure instead of parking on the street-level
      2. Taking at least a 10 minute walk during my lunch break.
      3. Making a smoothie every week-day breakfast, and making a salad for lunch.
      All this seems to be allowing me to at least maintain weight without gaining too much. I know I need to do more to really lose weight, but my busy schedule makes that tricky.

      1. I really think that’s the key, L. Just try to get healthier. I’ve started walking around the first and second floors of the university library where I work. It does help. And I’m slowly trying to change my diet. I’ve been adding in some fiber rich foods and have drastically lowered my intake of sugar colas. I’m not much for salad, but the smoothie sounds great. What do you use to make them?

        I’m pretty busy as well. When you work 8-5 everyday it’s can be hard to eat healthy, but no impossible. One step at a time, right?

        1. My salad is usually romaine lettuce, spinach, dried cranberries, and roasted walnuts with a tiny bit of ranch dressing. I usually have the same thing everyday so I don’t have to make a decision. I also make it the night before so I can grab-and-go in the morning.

  7. I need to put the other person at home on a diet, not because I feel obligated but because doctor said it, back is killing the other person, not overweight but it turns out that with scoliosis 3 pounds make a huge difference. The point is, I’m the one in control of the food, but I cannot possible get on a diet, I’d vanish, so other person would have to do it alone, which will never happen. So I decided to eat out and let other person starve to dead.
    PETA will be after you if they find out you are putting Sad Ponny and Squirrel on a diet.

    1. You are probably just like my husband. Eat, eat , eat and never gain a pound. I really don’t have that much to lose – like 30 lbs at most, or 20 depending on the doctor. PETA has been after me for some time. We have a tendency to lose pets around here. I still can’t find the hermit crab.

  8. Okay – I’m not sure if there’s a female version of this – but I recommend it as a diet technique 🙂

    1. You dirty Panda, you! That’s so disgusting – and funny.

  9. But how do you get extra lives?

    1. I’m trying to figure that out. Also how to restart my weight before I had kids.

      1. Isn’t there a website called “Alt-Shift-Delete My Life”?

  10. That actually sounds pretty cool – it’s really good to do it in small doses! YOU CAN DO IT ALICE! YOU DA BOMB!

  11. Good luck, Alice! I’m rooting for you! Dieting is hard. I used to be a fatty. I ate like a bunny for 2 years, no sugar, no fries, nothing. Everything tasted like cardboard. I forgot what real food tasted like! It was bad, real bad.

    You can’t get Squirrel to stop vibrating! Don’t do this to me!

    1. No sugar? No fries? Cardboard? I am sadfaced for you.

      I’m not sure if anything will stop Squirrel from vibrating. He just started hoarding sugar and colas in his tree hole.

  12. Congrats on this Freshly Pressed!! This is great! I should do some kind of diet or more exercise. I can handle the breathing and, yeah, the standing I like. I’ve gained a couple pounds with all my blogging…and my back hurts.

    1. I have neck pain. Do we sue WP for this? They MADE us blog, after all.

      Maybe after my FP post goes up. 😀

  13. I had a tummy tuck years ago … now it’s (the tummy has returned a tad) I eat one meal a day ..tsk tsk all those that eat healthy would be saying.. breakfast your most important meal of the day (yeah whatevs) I have a salad and fruit and graze through the day and sometimes at night I don’t eat. I exercise…so at my ‘age’ this is the way I maintain. Take a look at http://www.mybiggirlspants.wordpress.com. she is blogging about her diet and she is hilarious but doing it in the public eye… she is losing weight with every one to see and has to be accountable. 🙂 Loved Pandas clip!

    1. I will have to check that out. How did the tummy tuck go? That sounds painful.

  14. Can you get fresh air points for walking to and from your car? I mean, the car is outside and the bed is inside, and it’s too cold to sleep in your car so you have to walk from the car to the door to get to the bed and in between there is fresh air. Or air; fresh is relative I suppose.

    1. One of the quests is a “blue sky break”. You spend five minutes outside. I guess it depends on how long it takes you to unlock your car door.

      1. I know if I had to use the key instead of the remote it would take me about five minutes to figure it out.

  15. I am so in with you. I hate exercising, love my couch, really like chips and may be addicted to diet pop. But I’ve sworn to make changes and I’m going to. I’m joining your role playing awesomeness and can’t wait to begin my ‘being upright’ exercise program. This is so gonna suck….but let’s do it!

    1. Great! Just go to http://www.superbetter.com. If you have a facebook account, you can log in through that or just create an account. It really is kind of fun, especially with friends. Well, some of it. 😀

  16. can i get points for thinking about exercising?? please please please?? (and maybe even a few for each please?)

    1. You actually get some points for like, planning exercise and eating stuff so that kind of counts. I seem to get more “mental” points than physical. Hmm.

  17. Yay Alice!!! Congrats on FP and the ultimate blog bling!

    1. Thanks, RFL! I smacked that blog bling up there right away! 😀

  18. Good luck on your quest! I need to start questing myself, but I’m lazy and everything is easier at PT. Wider doorways and space to walk around, it’s a good deal.

    1. PT? I’m pretty lazy myself. When my daughter was little she compared me to a sloth. Thanks, honey!

      1. Ah, yes, sorry about that. Physical therapy. And kids can be cruel, but they usually just don’t understand.

        1. Oh, okay! Yes, my daughter rarely means to insult. She just observes. I thought it was funny – mostly. 😀

          1. That is what usually happens, lol. Children are so honest that I can rarely get mad, I just admire it. But I’m told that I’m odd so…Yup! Lol.

  19. I’ll tell you from experience. Don’t quit everything cold turkey unless you have awesome will power. It’s all about changing your lifestyle for GOOD.

    I lost 15 lb this summer and was SO freaking happy (probably a bit too cocky). But as soon as I started to let some things slide, EVERYTHING slid, and now here I am with fifteen pounds right back (in my butt).

    It’s hard to do a diet and stay with it forever. But I love this quest idea. Just keep in mind when you reach your “epin win” (because you CAN DO IT) just keep going. Learn from your mistakes on the way, so that when you start to slide, it’s not like Chutes and Ladders and as you’re just about to win the game… you slide all the way back to start.

    Good luck!

    1. Thanks for the advice. I’m starting to realize that totally cutting out some of my favorites is backfiring. It went well for a while and then some major stress came on and I said screw it and grabbed a coke and some ice cream. Still, I’ve heard that it takes a while to create habits, and I’m slowly integrating some of these. Part of it is awareness.

  20. Ha! This actually sounds like a fairly entertaining diet… and what quest doesn’t have it’s painstaking challenges? Just ask Frodo. I’m sure he shed a few pounds trekking to Mordor.

    1. True! I wonder how much he’d shed if he shaved his feet?

      1. Probably something close to the three pounds my husky loses on a daily basis during shedding season.

        Depending on how fast it grows, there might even be a market for that… I’d imagine hobbit hair would be a hot commodity.

  21. Good luck! Losing weight is hard but the results are SO worth it 🙂 be strong and keep blogging about your progress. Perhaps I may join you (as in all the weight I lost has come back with a vengeance and Sad Pony and I are perhaps the same person)

    1. I feel a lot like Sad Pony sometimes too. And do join! The more the merrier. Or misery likes company. However you want to look at it.

      1. I’ve followed your blog and I can’t wait to read up on what craziness you’ve been up to 😀 Lets join hands and complain over a cup of tea.

        1. Good show! We can have a tea par-tay. It’s always tea time, after all.

          1. *puts the kettle on* where is that damn mouse though…

  22. Reblogged this on The Potatoe Chronicles and commented:
    where did your weight loss journey start? Keeping the beginning in mind is a great motivator to reach your final goal.

  23. Am laughing with you and applauding you at the same time:). Loved the cola bit–we used to use it to remove nail polish in college when we were out of nail polish remover. I guess a clear sign to all of us that it’s not meant for a stomach!

    1. It removes nail polish? Why am I shelling out for that remover stuff? Wouldn’t it leave your nails sticky?

      This should really turn me off of cokes, but I still love them.

  24. Hi there! I’ve been meaning to check out your blog–I’ve seen you mentioned on other blogs I read–and then there you were in the FP line-up today. Congrats!

    The Superbetter program sounds like a good one. If you’re interested in some good food for thought, “The Power of Habit” and “The Weight of the Nation” are two really interesting books that might support you in your quest 😉

    “The Power of Habit” is the book that shows how Target tracks customers’ spending to predict what they’ll buy and then mails them coupons… but it’s about a lot of other things, too, that demonstrate how the habit cycle is formed of cues, routines, and rewards and has some good advice on how to shift that to our advantage.

    Anywhoo, have fun going down the rabbit hole that is Freshly Pressed 🙂

    1. Thanks for the recommendations! I’m not surprised about Target, but the idea of them tracking you does make you feel icky, huh? I’ll have to check those books out. Glad you checked out my blog. 😀

      1. Have a fabulous day enjoying the FP ride 🙂

  25. I’m in! and congrat Alice!

    1. Thanks, Red! Can’t wait to see you. We can be allies. Or something. 😀

  26. Congratulations, Mate! Your way is probably better than my friend’s lemonade liquid detox. Lol

    1. Lemonade detox? At least it’d be tasty.

  27. My brother, who has been overweight his whole adult life (he’s 36) just lost 75 lbs. and counting on the Medifast diet. I’m not sure how he did it, since he’s been a junk food-aholic as long as I care to remember (I think he might be looking for a wife?). He went from 266 to now under 190, and I think 175-180 is his goal. He said one of the hardest things to give up was soda (Mountain Dew was his poison). Best of luck to you, and if you don’t have a dog, buy one…forces you to exercise!

    1. Wow, that is some impressive weight loss. I’ve heard of other people with Mountain Dew addictions. I think it has one of the highest caffeine contents of the regular sodas. At least I’m not into the Monster drinks. I’m afraid those would make my heart explode.

      My youngest daughter would love your suggestion. She has been pestering me for a dog for years!

      1. Well, don’t get a French Bulldog if you want exercise. Mine walks ten steps and poops out, tongue turns blue, etc. Not a pretty sight. But if you’re a couch potato like me, they’re great. And they’re funny too.
        Ditto on the monster drinks…I steer clear of anything in the marketing realm of red bull except for coffee in all its many delectable forms.

        1. I had a dachshund growing up. I love them, but they dig like mad. My kids are 8 and 12, so at least they aren’t toddlers, but it’d have to be a dog good with kids. Also it’d have to be an outdoor one, as I am allergic to nature. I think I have a post on that somewhere. I mean, seriously, everything green – plus animal fur.

          Red Bull gives you wings – to fly into a brick wall.

  28. Reblogged this on cftc10.

  29. Wow, you make your epic weight journey sound like fun. I guess I should be joining you because my doctor’s office has repeatedly told me I’m fat. I will have to check in periodically to see how it’s going.

    As far as Mountain Dew, I think it’s one of the biggest rackets out there. It tastes like battery acid, and seems to be as addictive as crack. I don’t ever drink it myself, but have patients who routinely drink 2 liters of the stuff daily. Two liters! Talk about liquid-calorie crack. I have a hard time disabusing any of them of the notion that this is a bad idea.

    Congratulations for being Freshly Pressed and good luck on your weight quest.

    1. Thanks. Luckily I’ve never gotten into Mountain Dew. I wasn’t really that into sugary colas until I met my husband. Hey, yeah, it is TOTALLY his fault.

      I can’t believe someone manages to drink 2 liters. I feel better now. 😀

  30. Pepsi is the devil! I have a committed relationship now with coffee, and a little tea action on the side. Good luck!

    1. Thanks. I’ve never cared for Pepsi either, but the university where I work just made a contract with them for 7 years. (They sold their souls!) I have to be pretty desperate to go to the coke machine now, at least.

  31. Love your approach on losing weight. I tend to have to go “all in” or lose. Your post amused and I enjoyed reading it, so thanks.

    1. You’re welcome. Thanks for reading.

  32. YAY! Congrats on FP!

  33. Hilarious stuff and I can’t wait to read more. As a weightlifter, dieting down is old hat. I guess I never think about how non-dieters diet. Great food for thought!

    1. Thanks. I hope you do read more. I write on a variety of topics, but maybe continuing to blog on this might help me stick to it! I’d also like to learn how to use a few weight machines. I have a gym membership (sadly ignored for a while) so maybe I can get some help there.

      1. Not a problem, just ask. I hope you realize you have really struck Pete Townsend power chord. My advice is to think in reverse – Last year, could I have just done a little (not a lot) better? Hope this helps.

  34. Many times, with weight loss, it feels we’re lost in the marshes of Mordor, the goal lost in a moment of weakness. That’s why we all need a Sam to encourage us, and help us resist. Hopefully, this facebook program can help.

    1. Good metaphor! I just have to quit looking at ice cream and saying “My preciousssss.” 😀

  35. I know 4chan.org has some notoriety but the sticky on the /fit board is extremely valuable. Put in the time to read it and set yourself up for success.

    MyFitnessPal is a great tool for calorie counting. Use it daily and you will begin to develop the urge to cut needless calories and exercise more often.

    Good luck!

    1. Interesting. I’ve heard of MyFitnessPal – it’s an app, right? I don’t have a smart phone (just a plain ol’ track phone) but anything that I can get online would be great. I also have a Nook Color that supports some apps. Thanks for the tips.

      1. Yes they have an app but you can also use their web site to log your meals!

  36. OMG this cracked me up! Great blog indeed!

    1. I’m glad you liked it! I hope you come back and chat with me some more.

  37. Wonderful post!! 🙂 It’s really kinda funny too, because I started on a weight-loss journey Jan. 1 myself but I’m using a detox diet to get me started. Funny that it’s not only physical stuff (like bad chemicals and the fat that stores them) but extreme anger too!

    My favorite line: “But I have implemented some of these, because exercising is a good way to use all that extra free floating anxiety and AliceRage I keep stored up for a rainy day. If I exercise enough, I might not kill my coworkers with a stapler.”

    Thanks for the smiles.

    1. You’re welcome. Thanks for reading. I honestly have imagined implanting a stapler in my office mate’s forehead. He’s a great guy, but sometimes he just slams his stapler over and over and over . . . time for a walk!

      1. LOL, yes, some of our office “buddies” can be rather annoying. A clinking spoon on bowl incident comes to mind…

  38. Alice, good luck on your quest for a new and healthier you. May the force be with you. God that sounded stupid. I never thought I’d say that.

    The P90x diet plan looked pretty doable. Look into it. I never tried it because I’m one of those stupid fucking hard-gainers…

    Anyways, good luck. Funny article!

    1. I know a few people online that have tried the diet and it really worked for them. If this doesn’t work, maybe I’d look into it. Thanks for the support!

      1. Rock the fuck on, Alice. \m/

      2. Just found this on Freshly Pressed. Congrats! This was a funny ass article!

  39. Exercise is over-rated…the only people that keep banging on about it are the people that exercise! It’s like a big conspiracy made by the fitness brethren! (That’s what I like to tell myself anyway to justify a few more hours on the couch!).

    New year, new you and all that. The dance of the creeping thighs continues here,

    1. You could be right. You just can’t trust people in spandex. Also, have you noticed how many extremely fit joggers heal over really young? Huh.

      Oh, and I love your name.

  40. Hi, just found our blog, and it is hysterical ! =) I am so with you, 5 is a hapier number that 50 ! Good luck, take it one day at a time !! =)

    1. Thank you! One step at a time. Now to get off my butt and go take one! 😀

  41. Congratulations on being Freshly Pressed 🙂 I love the humour in your blog.
    My doctor diagnosed me with diabetes type two in July 2011 and told me to lose weight. That was enough of a motivator for me – the side-effects of diabetes are horrid, up to an including death 😦 At the time I weighed 13 stone 4lbs and I’m only 5ft tall so I was like a small barrel on legs.
    He said cut out carbs and walk once a day. I didn’t have a problem with the latter but cutting out carbs was a real challenge – I love bread, potatoes, pasta and rice. But, on the other hand, I didn’t want to be diabetic/high cholesterol/high blood pressure/obese. I didn’t want to be disabled by my health and my obesity.
    So I took up the challenge (it was tough but doable) and lost a stone in six weeks then three stone in twelve months. For me, I found that cutting out the carbs really worked and the weight dropped off in a truly astonishing and inspiring way.
    Everyone is different and what worked for me might not work for you. I’ve joined Sparkpeople which has helped me, especially the forums and the support from all the folk in the same boat. Why not check it out?
    Good luck on your quest XXX

    1. Yes, Diabetes is a big motivator. My brother has had Type I Juvenile since he was eleven. My father recently got Type II. He has done very well, although sometimes he overdoes it, I think. Congrats on all the work you did. I hope to avoid a Type II diagnosis, esp since it is so big in my family.

      Tell me, is a stone the same as a pound in America? Either way, it sounds impressive. I will check out this Sparkpeople. Thanks for the recommendation. And having support is so important. I had no idea I’d get so much from one blog post!

      1. 1 stone is 14 pounds, my dear Alice. Us Brits aren’t particularly fond of having things simple – probably because we (or someone in our history decided that we should) like to confuse our American cousins! I mean, we hung on to pounds, shillings and pence for as long as possible – for which one pound = 20 shillings, 1 shilling = 12 pence.

        1. We can’t talk. They tried to make us convert to metric and people shot up the signs.

          1. Sounds reasonable to me…

  42. Hilarious! I know the feeling. One time when I started weight watchers, I was two weeks in, and I could have easily snapped someone’s neck for a hotdog. There is not substitute for hotdogs. http://www.charliemccoin.wordpress.com

    1. I know what you mean. I love hot dogs. Counting hot dog points would suck.

  43. Congrats on being Freshly Pressed. I’m checking out Superbetter.

    1. Thanks. It really is kind of cool. Who knew I’d be such a big advertisement?

  44. My horrible problem is that instead of needing to lose weight, I desperately need to gain it. So I’m supposed to eat a chocolate bar after every trip to McDonald’s. Just kidding…thought it might be fun to start this out like a chapter in Sweet Valley High. Oh, and I just made the cheerleading squad when I wasn’t even trying.

    I will never get over my lifetime love affair with Coca-Cola. Never! Even though I gave it up after reading a Michael Pollan book and realizing it’s liquid cancer/diabetes/arthritis/syphillis, I still long for one.

    CONGRATS ON BEING FP’D! Which I hope means what I think it does.

    1. Hahaha. Jessica and Elizabeth had the WORST problems. Sometimes they couldn’t get their perfect blond bangs to puff out just the right way and how we would weep for their pain.

      I’m having some liquid syphillis right now, but only a little bit, so I should only get a little bit of syphillis. I think it means we’ve been pressed like those little squinky dinks or whatever those things were called.

      1. Shrinky Dinks! Also double as ugly Christmas ornaments.

        1. Of course! I knew it rhymed. God those would really be ugly ornaments. There’s also those light catcher things we thought were so pretty when we did them but now realize kind of sucked.

  45. If you’re weighing yourself at home, use the same set of scales in the same place at the same time of day.

    I weighed myself on Friday morning at the convent in Oxford, and then again this morning at my parents’, obviously using different sets of scales. According to the scales in my parents’ bathroom, I gained 5.5lbs overnight. OK, yes, we did have a chinese takeaway on Friday night, but I’d also done a fair bit of walking on Friday, while carrying luggage, and more walking without luggage, and I didn’t actually over-eat to the point of explosion, so I have no idea where those 5.5lbs have come from, apart from perhaps the difference in the machinery being used to calculate the poundage of my body.

    I shall have to join you in the quest to be healthier, as in the last 9 months I have (depending on which set of scales one refers to) gained either 5 or 10 pounds. I’m not too bothered about having gained weight, what I am bothered about is that it appears to have all gone on my thighs, bottom and stomach and this means that certain garments of clothing are not as comfortable as they used to be.

    Congrats again on the FP, and good luck with your continuing to wean yourself off the wonders of fizzy drinks.

    1. Thanks. Yes, I got a new scale and I’ve been weighing myself in the morning after bathroom duties. If I weigh myself later in the day I can apparently gain up to like 4 pounds. I’m not sure how that works. Water weight etc? I dunno. I think I’ve mostly stayed the same so far.

      Having some fizzy drink, but not much. There has been mucho stress lately, so doing the best I can. Thanks!

      1. Don’t forget that our female hormones will gang up on us and so at certain times of the month you’ll be heavier anyway.

        “Bathroom duties” covers a multitude of sins. Both of the times I mentioned for weighing myself were after bathroom duties too.

  46. OF COURSE! You’re supposed to take the deep breaths BEFORE you kill your kids! Ugh! I knew I was doing something wrong…

    1. Oops. I pushed the button too soon. I’m working on losing weight too. I may have to check this out if things like standing and breathing count. I, too, am a champion of these things.
      Seriously though? Why the crap does it have to be so much work to lose weight? I’ve always had it in my mind that if I’m sweating, and there is no orgasm being the end result of said sweating? Someone is going to die. Probably me, because I freaking HATE sweating. *so gross!*

      1. I know what you mean. If you want a sex workout, I guess you could find someone like Christian Grey who apparently can go like a thousand times a day. You’d have to get pretty fit if you didn’t get dead.

        I feel the same way about running. I don’t run unless chased.

        1. Right?! And I’d almost rather just get beat or mugged. Anything short of murder/rape. At least if you get your ass kicked, they’ll give you good drugs at the doctor. AND people will be all “Oh, you poor thing! Can I get you anything? What can I do for you?” and I LOVE that! When I’m broken is the only time I’M NOT the one playing slave around here. I’ll take that over popping a lung-ball. I’m too out of shape for all that business!

  47. Bahaha! That sounds like an amazing site. Will definitely check it out now. I mean, “epic win?” Awesome.

    1. They should really pay me for this. 😀

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