The best flowchart ever. I am so glad I don’t have to think about this anymore.

TheaterPeeHeader copy

To pee, or not to pee? That is the question. Everyone who has ever gone to a movie knows this predicament- whether ’tis nobler to suffer the slings and arrows of painfully watching a movie when you have to relieve yourself, or to take arms against a sea of porcelain and miss a few minutes of a movie you’ve paid to see. To help you determine the best possible time to pee during a movie, I’ve created this flowchart.

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13 responses

  1. The title made me laugh but so did your “flowchart” comment. Now I have to pee.

    1. Isn’t that always the case? Especially when someone announces the restrooms are closed for repairs.

  2. This is great. But I read it too early in the morning — at first I thought you were saying you’d reached a point in your life where you no longer had to pee.

    1. Think of all the time you’d save!

  3. This is funny, but I have devised a solution that works for me: Always, and I mean Always, sit in the outboard seat next to the aisle, preferably in the center section if there is one, and on the left hand side, since that’s where the loos are usually closest. Plus: go pee immediately upon entering the theater; AND after the second or third trailer. If you miss the first five seconds of the film, it’s no biggie, because you’ve already seen the trailer, right? And never, NEVER buy popcorn because it’s full of salt and will make you drink that giant cola you bought with it. (Besides, I was a Popcorn Girl at a movie theater one summer, and I KNOW how they make that popcorn. Feh.)

    1. You really have this down. I like to sit in the back where there’s only two seats so that I don’t have to be by people. Actually, I prefer home videos cause then I really don’t have to be by many people. Also if you have to go pee there is that handy pause button!

  4. Any movie over 90 minutes should have a MANDATORY intermission for me.

    1. I totally agree. They do it for plays, why not movies? I’m going to start a petition.

      1. Lawrence of Arabia had intermission… if it’s good enough for Peter O’Toole, it’s good enough for The Hobbit.

  5. Most useful flowchart ever! It’s always going on up in my head during a movie ‘should I go? Everyone will see me getting up. They’ll know ! But I have to go! But I can’t! Control yourself, bladder! Hold it in!”

    1. I especially remember this in high school during “that time of the month”. How do I smuggle it out so they don’t know what I’m doing? Zomg.

  6. A most useful tool, that! Although generally I try to go before the film starts, and avoiding a swimming-pool sized drink during the film is also a good idea, I’ve found!

  7. This is always a problem for me! I agree with the others comments: straight bee-line to the b-room upon arrival and then barely drink during the movie!

    Altho, I also just found out about this app: (Just sayin’)

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