Drunk Librarians on Parade

Jules over at GoJulesGo has a contest for free coasters and I am all up in that.  Free!  Coasters!  Did I mention they’re free and homemade by an actual artist?  Woot.  All we have to do is tell a drunk story.  You might think I wouldn’t have one, being a meek and mild librarian.  You would be wrong.

While getting my degree in Library Science (yes it’s a science, shut up) I had the opportunity to go to TLA.  The Texas Library Association hosts an annual conference for librarians to network and learn more about library crap blah blah.  There are classes, but what I remember most was roaming the exhibit hall in search of free books until I was loaded down like a literal bag lady.  Oh, and I remember one other thing.  There was booze.

And I don’t just mean a little booze, either.  Every place you went there was alcohol.  There were several scheduled events, like the welcome party (bar at the museum), library school reunions (bar in a hotel room), President’s celebration (bar at a club), and the closing luncheon (bar at the conference hall).  If there was an event, booze would find its way in, thus guaranteeing participation. The President (of the library association, not Obama btw) had by far the most popular party because there were free margaritas.

There were books, too.  I'm sure that's why most people went.  The books.

There were books, too.
I’m sure that’s why most people went. The books.

Anyway, so there I was with my fellow online classmates.  Some of them had been before, so they knew what was coming.  I didn’t.  So you can imagine my shock at seeing such a huge gathering of librarians, those dignified keepers of knowledge, getting drunk off their butts.  And this was exactly what the conference designers intended, because while you often got free food, the only drinks available came from the bar.

I bet you think librarians can’t cut loose, right?  You haven’t seen them drunk before.  I was dragged along on the shuttle (the shuttle would take you to all library events, so it actually drove us to a club.  Bizarre).   There we were greeted by hundreds of wasted keepers of knowledge. My friends were well versed in the art of drinking, whereas I was the goody-two-shoes who did not drink.  It’s not a moral thing.  I just don’t care for it, and besides, I didn’t exactly trust these people enough to get drunk in front of them.

It didn’t take long for one of my friends, a lovely woman in her 50s who could easily pass for 40s, to get drunk enough off the free margaritas that she started trying to pick up the hot young bartender who I guess had to be 21, but not much older.  She said something along the lines of “If I were a little younger and not married . . .”  My friend C and I eventually steered her away before she could actually climb over the bar.

We had pictures of the event.  In one I’m wearing a cowboy hat that was put on my head by a hammered library vendor.  She told me I was her bestest friend ever.  Sadly I did not get free books once she sobered up the next day.  Anyway, we danced and they drank, but eventually the room got sparse and it was just my friend C, the drunk one who tried to pick up a bartender her son’s age, and me.  We steered the drunk librarian outside.  She tried to get on the wrong shuttle.  We got her off and put her on the right one.  On the way back to the hotel, she entertained everyone by singing at the top of her lungs about how everyone was her sister.  She made plans to go to the hot tub.  We didn’t think this was the best idea ever.

Fortunately, when we arrived at the hotel, she was too tired to try to drown herself in the hot tub.  We got her up to her hotel room and she slept it off.  And the next day I was the only one without a headache. I made plenty of librarian friends then because think of the blackmail potential!  Our professors were so right.  There really are great networking opportunities at library conferences.

44 responses

  1. Sounds like it’s the sort of conference that’s definitely more fun sober, because of the advantages of no hangover and also getting to laugh at all the stupid antics that people will get up to when drunk.

    The last time I got drunk, I went dancing, and broke a bone in my foot. I really did vow “never again” after that. I’ll have a drink, but if I’ve had that much to drink that dancing seems like a good idea, then I know it bodes badly!

    1. Breaking a bone would be a definite sign you weren’t meant for booze!

      1. Or dancing!

        Fortunately as an Order we do have occasions where there is alcohol served, but everyone’s expected to be reasonably restrained and to not consume more than a couple of small glasses. Of course given that these occasions don’t happen all that often, two glasses is enough to send me rather tiddly these days!

  2. Who knew? Although, there is that one librarian at my library that looks like she is one glass of Pinot Grigio away from raving her ass off.

    1. Oh, trust me. Most of us are.

      1. haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa so true so very very true

  3. Librarians gone wild! Surely this has movie potential
    Can I come to your next conference? Pretty please with a cherry on top?

    1. I can imagine all sorts of possibilities with this!

  4. Say what? Are you from Texas? I live near Fort Worth and will happily be your “designated driver” at the next librarians’ conference. I love to read and I’m always up for enjoying a cocktail or two ….. I’m not one to get hammered though, I’m the person who laughs at the rest of the drunk idiots. BAHAHA!!

    1. I’m from Texas – the Panhandle. It was better to be the observer of the drunk idiots, for certain. Although when I get really tired, I stumble around incoherently like I’m drunk, so a lot of them thought I was wasted anyway.

      1. I’m originally from Kentucky but I’ve lived in Texas since 2003. Husband was born and raised here. We’re 30 miles south of Fort Worth ….. living the dream.

        I feel like a drunk coherent right now. I slept 4 hours last night and I’m staying up tonight so I’ll sleep on the plane tomorrow …. 19 hours to Israel. I’m so sleepy!!!!


  5. I’m disappointed that you did nothing embarrassing in this story.

    1. I do plenty of embarrassing things sober.

        1. There was that time I made out with that storm trooper, but then Darth walked in and talk about awk-ward.

          1. Elaborate. I need the juicy details.

          2. Well, not much happened. I mean, the trooper couldn’t figure out how to get the armor off (how do you do that?) and he also prematurely fired his, um, blasters. And then Darth had to be a party pooper and force choke him. On the up side, I got to go have Macho Nachos with Darth later.

          3. Blasters? Plural? Sounds like a bad ass stormtrooper to me.

  6. This is so great. I don’t understand how I haven’t been to any rowdy project management conferences. Well, there was the project management boot camp with the Japanese colleagues who brought a blonde mullet wig to the bar…

    “…wasted keepers of knowledge” – LOVED that line! Man. How am I ever going to judge this contest? I need to stop doing giveaways. I keep forgetting how hard this part is.

    1. I would like to hear about the blond mullet wigged Japanese colleagues. And if I can’t get the coasters, I’d settle for a pair of your awesome glasses! 😀 I don’t have a chipmunk, but I do have a Squirrel, and they’re pretty close, right?

  7. See? This is why those male librarian fantasies exist. There’s always a morsel of truth behind everything, isn’t there, you naughty librarian you! 😉

    1. Yup. I have some friends on facebook that call me the “sexy librarian.” Lol.

      1. Not a bad label to have. 😉

        1. I quite like it! They can even see my real face over there.

          1. Do you have a public FB page I can go like? If so, can you give me the link? 🙂

  8. Those who seem the most contained are often the ones most likely to let loose. These opportunities for networking mean different things to different people.

    1. Very true. Being a librarian looks easy, but there can be a lot of stress in the job, especially if you are the director or some other management position.

      1. Or if you are dealing with people!

  9. lol. I like it!
    Only silly thing that ever happened to me, well, walking across a busy street with all the bars, carrying a case of beer, my pants fell down halfway across the street. I had to keep shuffling along to the otherside with not a care in the world. THen I couldn’t decide if I should put the beer down or not.

    1. Oh, my. Beer or pants? Beer or pants? This is like the chips or husband debate. 😀 Hey, where did you get your avatar? I love it.

      1. I found it online! I’ll have to send it to you. It made me so giggly finding it.
        And It was. I didn’t know which to do. I tried to do both at once. That didn’t work, so then I just figured save the beer. It was only a few more blocks to the house.

        1. You should send that story to Jules. Love it.

          1. lol. Sadly that is normal for me. I’m always finding awkward situations.

          2. Me too, and I don’t even get drunk.

          3. I try not to. If I did, goodness knows what could ensue!
            Email sent btw.

  10. Who knew librarians had such wild parties. It must be because of all the wild things they read about!

    1. Zomg, there’s like 50 Shades of Grey at the public libraries – well not the one in my town because they are so modest they just have regular bodice rippers – but wooohoooo!

  11. http://unfetteredbs.com is a librarian – perhaps ask her is ‘cuts loose’ ..maybe it’s the ‘quiet ones’ you have to watch after all 😉

    1. I have read hers before. I think I’m following her. Will check. Also Rutabaga is one. And I think Speaker 7 works at a school library, though she is somewhat mysterious about it. We’re EVERYWHERE.

      1. we are everywhere and we know how to cut loose as she says 🙂

  12. Oh man – drunk conferences? The best! Being the bartender there must’ve been so fun ^.^

    1. I think he enjoyed it, yes. Lol.

  13. I knew I should have gotten an MLS.

    1. Party central. That’s us. And the pay is – have a drink!

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