Scariest Exercise Videos: Jillian Michaels

Remember how earlier I mentioned that there were scary words in the titles of some exercise videos?  There’s a reason for this.  It’s because there are scary PEOPLE in these videos.  And I’m going to show you one of them right now.  First up, Jillian Michaels of Biggest Loser.  She’s a real peach.  Check out her pep talks here right after she gets through beating the crap out of a punching bag!

Inspiring quote from Jill: “I don’t care if you both die on this floor.  You better die looking good.”  Awww.  You just want to cuddle her up like a teddy bear full of rusty metal spikes and nitroglycerin!  Who wouldn’t want to work out with this . . . .lady?

Here’s a sample of one of her workouts.  It’s called “Last Chance Workout”.  You know, like last chance before she murders you.  Sounds like fun.  Check out how enthusiastic her victims students are!  Watch her threaten to jump through your television set like something from Poltergeist!

But wait, there’s more! I searched through several clips.  I have to tell you – I’m not sure I could watch an entire Jillian workout video.  Note I said “watch one”.  I’m not even talking about attempting to DO one of these workouts.  I read the Amazon reviews.  I read stuff like “knee replacement surgery”.  This does not surprise me.

Just the titles of her videos can strike fear into the hearts of man.  Here’s just a few of them:

30 Day Shred

Ripped in 30

Shred it – with weights

Extreme Shed and Shred

Why does she want to shred things?  Why???  I’d prefer the “non-shredding” variety, thanks.  Even Yoga isn’t safe from Jillian.  She has one called “Yoga Meltdown”.  As in Chernobyl.  I thought Yoga was relaxing, not nuclear.

One final video clip.  This one’s from her “Kickbox Fastfix” and it makes me tired just watching it and wincing.  Wincing burns  .05 calories each time – I know because there’s a workout just for your face.  One of my readers told me.  Anyway, here goes kickboxing:

First off, you have to love how they jump without jump ropes.  Why?  Jump ropes are pretty cheap exercise equipment.  Without them you look kinda stupid.  Especially if you have the manic expression of that blond chick.  Then we go into the jab, up, kick, jab, up, kick, fall down, cry (I added those last two, because I’m pretty sure that’s what I’d be doing at that point).  She says to “visualize your target”.  Who would that be?  Did someone piss her off at Target?

I think maybe her class pissed her off, because by the end of the clip she has them flinging themselves up and down in some kind of psychotic full body situps, that then progress into donkey kicks.  I think she’s just trying to see what she can get them to do.  Whatever you do, do NOT look into her eyes.

Are there any other exercise gurus that scare the crap out of you?  Won’t you tell me in the comments below?

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49 responses

  1. I think I lost weight just watching her

    1. Me too. When I wet my pants, probably. Eeek.

  2. They’ve imported The Biggest Loser to the UK (they show the USA, the UK and the Australian edtions over here – oddly, I prefer the USA show, the UK version just seems too bitchy) and I quite like Jillian, even though she scares me to death. She’s just very, very good at the whole tough love thing – although I’m not sure how much love there is going on!

    1. My problem is that she uses this “tough love” approach on people with psychological problems and eating disorders (granted partly this is the show’s fault for letting people with issues on – then again, most people don’t get that overweight without some underlying issues). Brilliant move. There’s pushing someone, and there’s bullying. She bullies. IMO, of course.

      1. I can see your point. But sometimes you kind of need someone like her to push someone to breaking point so that they can admit to themselves what the underlying problem is – some people just like cake, but other people (I’m thinking particularly of Shay who was on season 9 I think it was) need to hit that rock bottom to fight back and say “look, ok, so I ate because of X and Y and I needed something to make myself feel better” and then actually deal with that issue. When Shay broke down, Jillian was actually very gentle with her then.

        1. Hmm, yeah, I guess I can get that. Food can be an addiction like alcohol – not the same physically maybe, but emotionally. Some of these people have been rationalizing to themselves for years, and never had someone push it. And admittedly, I haven’t watched all of Biggest Loser, so I haven’t seen her actually comfort anyone. I might have to watch more of it (with my blankie for comfort of course.) 😀

          1. Don’t do it!!!! lol

            Nah, I’m just kidding, but at least then you can see Bob and his training method. I ❤ Bob…he is my kind of trainer…doesn't scare the bejeezus out of you or make you wet your pants. Both are pluses in my mind. I think Jillian is a lunatic. In the first clip where she is holding the gloves up for someone to punch I kept hoping that the girl would get mad and punch her in the face instead. Sadly, no such luck. 😦

          2. Exactly. They have seasons 13 and 14 (WTF with reality show seasons – they haven’t been on that long) on Hulu for free, so I watched part of episode one of season 13 where Jillian returns after being gone a couple seasons. Bob seemed tough enough, but decent. And the black guy . . . I don’t remember but he was super hot.

            The craziest thing was throwing them on the treadmills at top speed first thing off the bat. What? These people have not been active for years and they start them like that? Of course they’re gonna puke and fall over. JEEZ.

          3. Yep, I agree. I stopped watching cause I cannot stomach Jillian with her screaming at them as they do fall off the treadmills like that. Good way to stress the body…put someone on a treadmill at top speed who’s never been active. Yes, that’s the safe way to get people to exercise.

          4. And a very large bar of chocolate, for irony points.

    1. Me too. I’d bring a taser to workouts.

      1. My best friend LOVES her… I can’t stand it.

        1. I know some people get motivated that way – maybe it is the only way to motivate some. I can’t imagine it being that effective long term, though. If you only workout because you’re scared to death she’s gonna physically assault you, will you keep up with it when she’s not hovering over you? Exercise doesn’t have to be painful. If you associate it with pain, why on earth would you do it? I’ve noticed the other two trainers get results without screaming so much.

          1. RIGHT! SO GREAT. But, she does have a great body.

          2. True. Helps when you can get your partner to have the baby for you!

          3. She has a lesbian partner that carried a baby and she adopted one . . . and then got on the show and was like “I had two kids.” Well, yeah, but there’s a reason your bod stayed the same.

          4. OMG. WHAT! What a bitch.

      2. Ooh a taser…great idea!

  3. I don’t even like the idea of using exercise and guru in the same sentence. That’s how much these people freak me out.
    Denmother

    1. Good point. Is there a cult of exercise?

  4. musingsfortheether | Reply

    Someone like Jillian makes great TV. Seriously, look at us here watching and commenting. She was born for “reality” TV. In the real world though, I know a lot of people, myself included, who do not respond to this type of trainer. You can be pushed and motivated to achieve new levels in your fitness without this type of negative verbal abuse. Some people love her style. I for one have experience with trainers who are tough and have high expectations, but do so in a positive manner where they build you up instead of breaking you down. Jillian thinks she’s a psychotherapist and trainer all in one when she should really stick to the trainer part.

    1. I love in the first clip where she says “I’m the best, I’m the best” and then later “I just have to beat the crap out of them to help them.” Okay – what?

  5. I’m pretty sure the manic blonde is a trainer, herself. She used to be on ExerciseTV – Teri Ann or Teri Lynn, I think?

    1. That bouncing . . . first with pretend jump rope, and then Jill gives her the weight and she just keeps hopping up and down, grinning maniacally. I want whatever that chick’s on.

  6. My wife and I did the 30 Day Shred once. Nothing actually got shredded, but my ankles are just about permanently damaged from all the jumping!

    I went the the doctor several times complaining of ankle pain, and was referred to a specialist. He asked what exercize I was doing, and when I said plyometrics, first he didn’t know what that was (it’s jumping) and second, after I explained it, he said jumping is the worst thing you can do for your joints! It puts like 150 times more pressure on them. I love Jillian, but I no longer do her workouts.

    1. I can believe it. I really did read Amazon reviews that said stuff like “knee replacement” and other scary things. Yikes. I didn’t know that about the jumping, but I do know I cannot jump like I used to be able to – it’s like I feel stuff shift in weird ways and my head hurts.

  7. You should just pray that she never reads this. She will come to your house and devour your very soul…or at least make you do a crap ton of pushups.

    1. Let’s hope she never finds her way to Wonderland. Don’t look at her eyesss!

  8. She’s like a drill instructor. Holy WTF?

    1. Exactly what I said when I first saw her.

  9. I got a free Shred video b/c we did a show for her on PTV – and it killed me to do it…and I bike, walk, run, jump rope etc… I can’t do that shit.. I don’t want shred my body… I just want to have a little better health..

    1. Yes! I’m hardly a genius on exercising, but that much high impact is probably not a good thing for someone who isn’t in the best of shape. There should also be a lot more warm up and stretching involved. The human body just doesn’t work like that. Which is why I’m starting to wonder if she is, in fact, human.

      1. And she’s a screamer – I don’t like screamers

      2. Don’t forget tho’ that they probably cut all that “boring” warm-up stuff when they produce the show. I mean, they get two hours of airtime for a week’s worth of filming people in the gym and on the beach and doing the challenges and stuff, so there’s probably a load of editing done. Sorry to be one of those annoying voices of reason types!

        1. I was mostly referring to the exercise videos, which should always have a warm up and cool down. I’m not sure on Biggest Loser. I got the idea they just threw them up there right away. Even if they did give them a warm up, you don’t put someone on high speed on a treadmill that hasn’t worked out in . . . ever. But who knows? I mean, reality shows are always totally true and real right? Right?

          1. And they never, ever edit it to show things just for effect either.

            Maybe she’s dim enough to think that people will automatically do their own warm-ups before doing the videos.

  10. I have a couple of Jillian’s workouts. I like them, and I get a good sweat going on, but her bossiness turns me off. Sometimes I just turn the volume down really low to lessen the irritation factor. But she does offer a pretty mean total-body workout. 🙂

    1. I could see turning the volume down. It’d be kind of funny to watch her that way. What I would like to learn is basic self defense – I’m not sure how much kickboxing you’d honestly be able to get in with an attacker. Hold on, stand back I’m gonna kick you!

  11. Hmm…she is as surprisingly unpleasant in these as she is in The Biggest Loser, the show that makes me want to kickbox the TV.

    1. Shocking, isn’t it? I think we should set her up with Bland. She’d beat the crap out of him. That’s my idea of a crossover.

  12. I love this woman. I think she has a “no excuses” approach to fitness, and that really works for me. I know it’ll definitely turn some off.

    I did her 30 Day Shred and loved it. I lost several inches all around my body. My friend did it and said she wanted to burn the DVD.

    1. Oh, yes, I’m beginning to see that people either love Jillian or hate her. No in-betweens really.

  13. Yeah, um, thanks for that… pretty sure I’m going to have nightmares about fitness trainers screaming at me for a week.

    And people pay for that kind of treatment? I could yell at people too! Pay me instead, I’ll work for less!

    1. No kidding. I can just imagine someone walking off the show and killing themselves. Jillian’s response: “Clearly she was not ready for exercise.” What I think would be better, of course, would be someone striking back – literally. One big punch in the nose. Or they could all pile dive on her skinny butt. I like that idea.

  14. Alice, you are H-I-L-A-R-I-O-U-S!! I have to admit, I’m a Jillian-lover. Well, not a lover – you know what I mean. Anywho, since I actually have a lazy-ass 400-lb. nephew who has been offered free counseling (and psychiatry) for years to help him lose weight, but still keeps turning it down (plus he’s an annoying know-it-all, when you can see plain as the nose on your face, he knows nada), I’m convinced that A Jillian is the only hope for his health. Like one of your readers said, some people respond to her style. I was so happy when she came back to The Biggest Loser (I’ve been watching the show for about 5 years now), I did a happy dance! 😀

    I must, however, agree with you whole heartedly regarding her exercise videos. I tried the 30-day shred (and I’ve been exercising pretty vigorously for about 15 years) and it was a nightmare! Suffice to say, I didn’t last 30 days.

    I have so enjoyed this thread! Love her or hate her, Jillian is a TV force to be reckoned with! Enjoy Wonderland!

    1. You know, there are a couple of people I wouldn’t mind dropping in a room with her to see them duke it out. And while I do feel sorry for these poor people she badgers over and over, you have to wonder. Unless it’s first season, how are these people not realizing what they’re getting into? OMG, I got there and this Jillian chick was mean! Like, uh, yes, I can see that from one episode, dear.

  15. This whole thing freaked me out – seeing my name everywhere… Before biggest loser, when you googled my name, I popped up. No longer…

    But I kinda liked the kickboxing video, she’s not as bossy in that. I’ll admit, I wanted to get up and do some kickboxing

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