50 Shades Special Edition: Mad Libs!

I had so much fun reading your mad libs, that I just had to show them off to everybody.  My refrigerator wasn’t quite big enough, and if I listed all of them on the next recap, the recap would be several pages long – er.  So I’m dedicating a special post to them.  I simply must do another of these things soon.
For those not in the know, I created the original mad lib from a random paragraph in 50 Shades Freed and took out random words.  My readers filled in the rest.  The scary thing is that they all made about as much sense as the actual paragraph.  Except they were a lot funnier.  This is the original mad lib:
Look, it's Christian on the cover.  And he brought friends!

Look, it’s Christian on the cover. And he brought friends!

“Do you want a _____, a ____?  What do you ___, Ana?”  Christian ______ at me and I know he’s _____ – my lost ____ dealing with events beyond his _____.  He’s been ______ and ______ all afternoon.  This is a ______ he cannot manipulate and ______.  This is _____ in the raw, and he’s kept himself from that for so long, he’s_____ and _____ now.  My____, ____ 50 Shades.

Here we go.

“Do you want a STD, a baby?  What do you suck, Ana?”  Christian shat at me and I know he’s got diarrhea – my lost buttplug dealing with events beyond his schlong.  He’s been stupid and pungent all afternoon.  This is a bitch he cannot manipulate and train.  This is my vagina in the raw, and he’s kept himself from that for so long, he’s one and done now.  My shitty, idiotic 50 Shades.” – twindaddy

Vagina in the raw cracked me the hell up.  Well done, twindaddy!  And no doubt true in Ana’s case.

“Do you want a balloon animal, a platypus?  What do you smash, Ana?”  Christian shanghaied at me and I know he’s ionized – my lost piglet dealing with events beyond his phantasmagoria.  He’s been photosynthesizing and fluorescing all afternoon.  This is a jeroboam he cannot manipulate and how.  This is mucus in the raw, and he’s kept himself from that for so long, he’s buccaneering and curtseying now.  My poultry, emasculate 50 Shades.” – goldfish

As usual, goldfish’s vocabulary continues to astound and amaze me and crap I’m sounding like James now.  I think offering her a balloon animal or a platypus either one would have to make her feel better.  But what about the poor piglet?

I'm sure Christian would give her a balloon ram.

I’m sure Christian would give her a balloon ram.

“Do you want a dummy, a nappy?  What do you want, Ana?”  Christian burped at me and I know he’s ridiculous – my lost sense of self dealing with events beyond his mental aptitude.  He’s been acting like a child and throwing his toys all afternoon.  This is a situation he cannot manipulate and somehow he still doesn’t realize how stupid he is.  This is egotism in the raw, and he’s kept himself from that for so long, he’s a caricature of himself of himself and bloody annoying now.  My crappity, crap crap 50 Shades.” – kirstenhywhyte

I just love this one for so many reasons.  I can see Christian acting like a child and throwing his toys – come to think of it, that’s what he’s doing when he throws Ana around.  Crappity crap crap, indeed.

“Do you want a shit, a crap? What do you think, Ana?” Christian waved his ‘down there’ at me and I know he’s got an STD – my lost puppy dealing with events beyond his ‘down there’. He’s been crying and wailing all afternoon. This is a catastrophe of epic proportions that he cannot manipulate and shit. This is eggs in the raw, and he’s kept himself from that for so long, he’s going to go celibate and I wish I had a brain now. My poor, little poopsy 50 Shades.” – Miss Four Eyes

OMG, laughing hysterically here.  No, Christian, don’t wave your “down there” and show off your STD!  We don’t need to be introduced!

“Do you want a butt plug, a butt plug? What do you butt plug, Ana?” Christian butt plugged at me and I know he’s butt plugged – my lost butt plug dealing with events beyond his butt plug. He’s been butt plugged and butt plugged all afternoon. This is a butt plug he cannot manipulate and butt plug. This is butt plugged in the raw, and he’s kept himself from that for so long, he’s butt plugged and butt plugged now. My butt plug, butt plug 50 Shades.” – faithhopechocolate

Sweet and simple.  You can insert buttplug into any sentence in 50 Shades.  Get it?

“Do you want a doing, a winner? What do you analyst, Ana?” Christian attacks at me and I know he’s underneath – my lost qualifying dealing with events beyond his fleet. He’s been temper and entering all afternoon. This is a rabbit he cannot manipulate and formula. This is bundle in the raw, and he’s kept himself from that for so long, he’s killing and substance now. My oval, buttery 50 Shades.” – thelesbiannextdoor

She used a random word generator for this one.  I think we’ve now figured out the secret to how James writes her books.  Buttery 50 Shades is fabulous.

So there you go.  50 Shades of hilarity.  Stay tuned tomorrow for the next buttplug, er, 50 Shades recap.

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18 responses

  1. Hehe shame I missed the initial madlibs post…I can’t even imagine what words would fit into those sentences and actually make sense! She shames all woman kind that author….shockingly awful doesn’t cut it.

    1. Clearly any words fit into her sentences. James specializes in random. Just like her plot lines. Hey, I know, let’s toss this in here. Oh, uh, maybe we’ll throw that in. Oh, wait, I solved that major problem in one chapter? Whoops. Okay, sex scene thennnnn yeah have her dad get in an accident!

  2. These versions actually make quite a bit more sense than the original source. I’m sorry I missed out on this. Just know that every blank would have been filled with “pfftttttt.”

    1. Pffftttt would have been perfect. The entire book should be filled with that. I need to go wipe the spit off my Nook now.

  3. Who woulda thought a butt plug works on so many levels?? 😄 Genius!!

    1. Buttplugs fit in anywhere. Uhhmmm.

  4. musingsfortheether | Reply

    You also probably don’t qualify since I think you have quite a few followers and seem to be a pretty prolific blogger, but I just enjoy your unique take on the world. I nominated you for the Liebster Blog Award. Check out my blog for details and if you want to participate!

    1. I do have several followers, but don’t discount pissing a couple hundred off with one badly timed post, thus qualifying again. Thanks!

  5. Yay! Those are all hilarious. I would love a platypus balloon animal, please.

    1. Me too. I’d like to see how one would go about making one of those.

  6. Oh, golly, that’s so funny. Even though I read them all when we all posted them as comments originally. And I think you’re right about the random word generator thing!

    1. Maybe I’ll write a random word generator novel during the next Nanowrimo. I holding on to the title “Twilight Sexy Times” as my ticket to novelist stardom.

      1. Well, it couldn’t be any worse than anything written by EL James. Incidently, I’m willing to bet that the one BDSM sex toy she’s not used in the books is the Pear of Anguish. I only know about this device because it featured on an episode of Bones as the murder weapon. It’s shaped like a pear (which explains the first part of the name) but it has a mechanism in it that as you twist, the pear opens up to stretch the orificace into which it has been inserted (hence the “anguish” part of the name). Actually, it’s not a sex-toy, it’s a medieval torture device, but I’m guessing some people will find anything erotic.

  7. I’m thinking you could produce a bestseller of your own – Just offer mad-libs and sellotape them all together… Lady James II you are!

    1. I like this idea! Especially the “Lady” part. Oh, shit, I just had this flash of James being made a Dame along with Sir Elton John. No, nooooooo!

  8. Haha! Love them all, the butt plug one cracked me up 😀

    1. Buttplug makes everything funnier!

  9. are there a lot of butt plugs in 50 shades original? what ARE butt plugs?

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