Facebook Loser or Hipster Douchebag?

It's only a matter of time, really.

It’s only a matter of time, really.

I’ve had a Facebook account for a while.  I didn’t want to get one originally.  It was a school assignment.  No, really.  It was supposed to help me keep up with my classmates while I got my MLS degree.  They seemed to think I wanted to keep up with my classmates.  I did not.  Most of them were okay people, but in general, people just tend to annoy me.  They were no exception.

There was one well-intentioned student who took great joy in announcing everyone’s birthdays.  We were then obligated to all say “Happy Birthday” to this person.  Thirty times.  There’s only so many ways you can say “Happy Birthday” so it gets old after a while.  Since the degree took two years, she did this twice.  The second time she had to wish happy birthday to herself, because no one else bothered to do it but her.

Hey, I was original.

Hey, I was original.

So I had this account, and eventually I gathered new “friends”.  In case you’ve been under a rock, and don’t know about Facebook (can you make room for me under there?) Facebook friends are not the same as real friends.  Oh, they can be just as annoying, yes, but you don’t have to ever see or even really know these friends.  Your “friend” could be the friend of a cousin of a friend of your ex-boyfriend.  But hey – you can boast that you have a lot of friends!

The way you make friends is by sending out a “friend request”.  I remember making friend requests.  This was in elementary school.  I wasn’t a big fan of elementary school, and it wasn’t a big fan of me.  So the idea of asking someone I barely knew to “friend” me (by the way, friend still is not a verb) seemed very second grade.  But of course I did it, because everyone else did it, so maybe Facebook is more like junior high instead.

Not that I'm desperate but . . . BE MY FRIEND!!!!!

Not that I’m desperate but . . . BE MY FRIEND!!!!!

Anyway, as time went by I found other people I had random things in common with, and I joined a couple of “private groups” defined as groups where only invited people, and Mark Zuckerberg and his buds, are allowed to read.  Then a funny thing happened.  One private group branched out into another private group whose purpose seemed to be to talk about the first group.  Attention: You have now officially entered a high school clique.  The acne will sprout anytime now.

People in the first secret group got rather angry at the new double dog secret group.  It was a huge trainwreck, and naturally I read the entire exchange in between glances at Cosmo magazine.  While momentarily entertaining, I figured this might be a signal that I really didn’t need Facebook anymore.  Another signal was when I decided to “hide” someone’s status (Status def:  When people voice their ill-informed and stupid opinions and make you wonder why you ever liked said person.)  Facebook helpfully offered to let me hide the statuses of all friends I didn’t interact with – and this turned out to be almost every single one of them.  Huh.

. . . and then makes you hate them.

. . . and then makes you hate them.

So I took “the plunge” and deactivated my account.  But Facebook is like Hotel California – you can check out any time you like, but Mark is going to keep all your information for all eternity and try to trick you into coming back bwahahahaha.  First, he will show you sad puppy faces of the “friends” who will surely miss you if you leave.  Tough.  Then it will leave your account open for a few weeks, in case you change your mind, or accidentally click on something that leads you back to Facebook.  You’ll never guess what I did.  Yeah, Superbetter is in league with Facebook.  It’s a conspiracy.

Anyway, I was still pretty happy that I had mostly abandoned at least one form of social media addiction.  I’m not patting myself on the back too hard, though, because hello, I’m blogging.  Some like to call it trading one addiction for another.  Also, while I was informed by one article in Psychology Today that the more Facebook friends you have, the bigger loser you are, another article by the illustrious Huffpo told me that if I got rid of my Facebook account I was a hipster douchebag.

Me loser or douchebag?

Me loser or douchebag?

In essence, the Huffpo article says that quitting Facebook is the “in” thing and only done by those annoying people who also quit watching television and eating meat and bathing and act like they are now somehow superior to you for living closer to nature and whatnot.  Honestly, I don’t care about these people as long as they don’t say they are the specialist snowflakes ever and I’m squat.  Am I a hipster because I think Facebook is a waste of time and stupid unless there’s a major trainwreck going on and then it’s kind of funny but I feel like a jerk later for enjoying it?  Am I a douchebag because I don’t spend time relentlessly planting pretend crops and posting about my bowel movements?

What do you think?  Do you have facebook?  Do you want to get rid of it or do you like it?  Are you a loser or a douchebag?  Which is better?  Would you like to go “poke” Mark Zuckerberg for real with something sharp?  Let me know in the comments below.

73 responses

  1. I’ve been on and I’ve been off and then I went back but don’t use it that much. My bowel movements are just ducky, thanks for asking!

    1. I’m so glad. I was afraid I’d have to make a post about it, like that black lady on the commercials that says “This is to treat your CONSTIPATION, girl!” to her daughter very loudly in in the supermarket line.

      I don’t use it much either, but then occasionally I’ll go back and it almost always makes me want to go bleeech.

      1. I like FB for some specific reasons – I haven’t spoken to my cousins since I was a tot when moved and now I’ve gotten to know them better – and I have a lot in common with one of them and we are all excited to have a reunion soon – so that’s a great use for FB. Like all things – it has it’s place.

        Remember when librarians everywhere were convinced that eBooks would close down libraries and books would be a thing of the past? Well, it didn’t happen – eBooks just found its place within the realm of all reading materials. That’s what i think FB is kind of like.

        Now- cell phones? We can burn them all and I’d be perfectly happy. Except for emergencies when cars break down – very useful. But I HATE phones more than FB any day of the week.

        1. UGH, I hate cell phones too. Of course, now you can do fb on your phone. And email, and texting, and taking pictures, and calling while driving 98 miles an hour . . . they had to put up signs in town outlawing emailing and texting and social media while driving.

          Why did they have to do this? Who emails while driving? Who posts on facebook while driving? I can’t even talk and fully concentrate on driving.

          1. I don’t have a phone like that – it just dials – when I remember to turn it on. I love that some people text me at my home number – um…it’s a HOME NUMBER PEOPLE… and I don’t text either…I work with computers all day – but I don’t like phones…I just don’t.

            Yes, driving a hunkin’ mother of a car is not really something that requires any kind of focus – just read, talk, text, juggle, cook – whatever…

          2. shave your legs . . .

            I have a cell, but mostly I use it to call a friend and avoid long distance (though long distance would be cheaper than buying phone cards each month) and for when I’m out and need to ask if I should buy some item, or when I lose my husband in Wal-Mart. Sad, really. My phone isn’t smart. It does text and talk and you can get on the internet but it doesn’t work well and sucks all the money from the card (I have a net 10 pay by the month phone). And how do you do internet on such a teeny screen?

          3. I have Net10 too!

            I refuse to shave – can’t make me!

          4. facebook or barfbook is just some crappy social media bullshit no one uses anymore except for the total losers who swear up and down that everyone’s looking at them and their pathetic lives lol. These sorts of media vehicles along with pic phones are responsible for making everyone psychotic neurotic antisocial misfits who are incapable of carrying a real spontaneous conversation with real live human beings.

  2. Ha lol, I use Facebook only to post poetry and talk on occasional to people/friends on the other side of the world. That’s pretty much it.

    1. I use instant messenger to talk to friends far away. So I’m not sure why fb is still there . . .

  3. Love this. I still have my FB account, but more for putting up blog posts than anything. I don’t spend much time on it anymore because I’m sick of seeing sad or disgusting pictures or being invited to play Farmville or whatever the newest stupid fad game is.

    1. What is seen cannot be unseen. I also hate hearing about people’s idiot political opinions (even when they sometimes agree with mine). Just, ugh, shut up. And then sometimes I commit an “overshare” and I want to tell myself to shut up.

  4. I facebook on Facebook (Do you see how I just turned Facebook into a verb? I’m working on the adjective version). I mainly lurk in its dark recesses, but rarely post except the occasional banal “Happy Birthday, Facebook friend!”

    1. Like tweeting on Twitter? Then shouldn’t it be facebeeking on facebook? I lurk and post pms to friends about the stupid trainwreck thread I’m reading. Oops I outed myself.

  5. I use FB to keep up with my actual real friends (I’ve moved 25 times in 26 years) all over the world. As to all of the high school friends I did NOT really know, I accept their friend requests in an attempt to keep from making them feel dissed (like they probably did in HS). Mainly I post my new blogs there and I’m a gamer. True confessions. The rest of FB is crapola.

    1. 25 times in 26 years? Damn. I have moved all of once and it was 15 minutes away. I hate that weirdness of accepting friend requests out of not wanting to hurt feelings. It can get awkward. Then I think – it’s facebook, why do people care? Then I wonder, why did I just write a post about this?

      1. Technically you’ve moved 3 times.

        1. oh, yeah, from parents to apartment in same town, to the next town over, and back again to another house in my home town. woooot.

  6. I’m pretty much like Speaker 7. I have one and I like to lurk and stalk other peoples’ pages, but I rarely post myself. I have a little over 200 “friends” and I know all but 2 from real life (mostly kids I went to high school or college with). The 2 I don’t personally know are long lost cousins I never met. So it’s cool for that aspect. I agree it can be a huge waste of time. I mainly read what idiot things other people are saying, laugh to myself and comment in my head, and then close it.

    1. You know 198 people from real life? I’m trying to think if I know 198 people. Still thinking. If you comment in your head, it’s so much better. I always open my big mouth (or big typy fingers) and then kablammo.

      1. Well, technically I don’t know most of them now. I should have said I KNEW them. Most of them I hated in high school, and they hated me too, so I have no idea why they are my “friends” LOL!

        I come from a very small town, so basically everyone from my class is “friends” with everyone else.

        1. I know, we could just deactivate and clean house then rejoin as alter egos. Like I might make an account as Sara Lee Gifford and post relentless cake recipes.

  7. I didn’t want to go on FB; my sister put me on there. There is too much drama at times caused by it and every so often I do remove people from my “friend” list on there because we just don’t interact. I don’t see the point of adding someone just because you used to go to school with them if you’re never actually going to speak to them on there. The only reason I keep FB is because it’s one place where my sister will post pictures of the kids, and also to try and promote my blog a bit. And because in discussion with one of the other Sisters here, we might be putting a page on there for the Retreat Centre that the Order runs and I’ll be involved in helping to maintain that page.

    1. I don’t want to talk to people from high school. I didn’t much like high school – why talk to those people? I post little links to my blog on fb, but I don’t know if it really leads people that much, and anyway, all the self promoting on social media gets tiresome. A Sisters page would be interesting, though.

      And the drama! I come away from there feeling roughly 13 years old.

      1. I don’t want to talk to some of the people from high school either. Fortunately the ones who bullied me haven’t found me. It’s the ones with whom I wasn’t-quite-friends, you know, the people with whom you were friendly because you were in a class or club with them, but you wouldn’t really choose to spend time with outside of the school environment. Maybe I should just do one of those updates that says “I’m shutting down my FB for the sake of my sanity, please don’t be offended if I’m no longer listed as your friend by the end of the week” and then follow through and delete the loads of folks who I don’t actually want to read about!

        Even more annoying is when someone who chose to friend you doesn’t bother to keep in contact, even when you email them, or pm them or post on their wall or whatever. But unlike some, I really can’t be bothered to make a drama llama out of it – too many other things to be getting on with!

        1. I just don’t care about the day to day lives of most people. I’m sweet like that. Ha.

          1. I don’t either – well, big things, like passing exams or whatever, yes. But little things like going to the shops or whatever, no thanks. Worst is that one of my friends is married, and I’ve got her husband on my FB too, so I got to see all the photos of their kids twice because she posts them and then he shares them. I’ve hidden him from my feed for the sake of my sanity.

            Even more annoying are the posts from one of the teenagers I’ve got on my FB who posts things like “idk. bored. Click like for rates”. Which is her actual punctuation/gramar, and I have no clue what she means by this. Maybe another person to hide from my feed on there!

  8. I’m on FB all the time. I really don’t see why people get so upset by it. If you don’t want to share your info, then nobody’s forcing you to. Don’t want to read your idiot “friend’s” status, then just skip on over it.

    1. That’s true. But the status pops up in front of you, and then you’ve read it in a second, and then it stays with you (charming stuff like hate speech against various groups of people or scare tactics about harmless medicines, etc.) And if you hide them, and after a while you’ve hidden everyone . . .

      If you like FB, that’s great. I used to be on it a lot more often. And I don’t think I’m superior for being tired of it. Just not sure if I have a need for it.

  9. Facebook is great for stalking people!
    Don’t know why I started with that, I don’t stalk people. I really don’t. Don’t give me that look! I don’t! Why don’t you believe me?
    Honestly, I don’t use FB that much. I like that it connects everyone to everyone else, that part is pretty good. But other than that I don’t like it so much.

      1. Of course not! That would just be weird.

        1. Right. No tweeting naked either – where would the tweeting come from? So many possibilities.

          I think I’ll start an fb account as Sad Pony or Squirrel.

          1. Fantastic idea! I’ll be their BFFFFF 😀

        2. Ahahahahahaahahahahahaha

  10. i have facebook to check in with my college gal but I too hate it. I do not go on often and I hardly ever post. It can be fun in small increments of excrement right? I wish I could be a hipster and delete it but I do like to chat with my gal and THAT is the only reason I keep it.

    1. Maybe I have delusions of hipsterness? I’m just getting sick of all the social media. Except blogging. Mostly. And even that I have ups and downs with. I dunno.

      If I had a kid in college, I could see that, but I don’t want my kids on fb. It kind of freaks me out. My 12-year-old “chats” with some kids on this Animal Jam site and that bugs me too even though it’s a kid site that is monitored. I have a friend whose kid is a teen and gets on fb and disses her mom who can read her posts. WTF.

  11. Well, I only have about 14 friends on my personal profile, so I guess I’m not too big of a loser. 😉

    I mostly just use my public page to interact, but I don’t go crazy with it. Too many other things to do. I find FB confusing still, and the ads are really annoying. I prefer Twitter.

    1. The ads are annoying. But you can get rid of a lot of them if you use Firefox as your web browser and then install adblock plus. I promise you it works. And I’m not being paid by Mozilla to say this either (although it would be nice if I were).

      1. Thanks for the tip! I use Google Chrome, but if decide to switch, this would definitely be something to think about.

        1. There might be an adblock for Chrome, but I’m not sure without checking. I know there isn’t an equivalent for Internet Exploder, but I suspect that’s because hardly anyone uses IE these days anyway!

          1. I’ll check it out for Chrome. Thanks again!

  12. I have never figured out what a hipster is. Is it someone under thirty who is a hippie wannabe? Anyway I am on facebook because I have family on there. Also to chat with you while you’re at work. And I filch photos from SCA people since I keep forgetting to take any at events.

    1. I’d think having family on there would be a reason NOT to have a fb account. None of my family is on there except one cousin. Oh, my brother is too, but I don’t agree w/ his politics so I don’t read his stuff.

  13. I have a Facebook and find it useful to keep up with friends and family that aren’t close enough to visit regularly, I don’t really do all the stupid games and such. I don’t post often and quite honestly do get aggravated by people who post every single portion of their life.

    1. I woke up and ate a pop tart and then I put on a pencil skirt and a white shirt and then I brushed my teeth and then I went to work – don’t care!!! Also, look at this article I found on how we are all going to die soon! Gee, thanks!

  14. musingsfortheether | Reply

    What category do we fit into if we don’t now, nor have we ever, had a FB account?

    1. I love that. Have you seen this?

  15. I like this post. The whole thing. You are leading the new wave, whichever way it goes. I still FB, but I also notice how quickly I tire of it. Especially when Mark lets every dog, cat, Tom, and Dick put their ads in my news stream. Not buying, don’t care.

    1. Exactly. In five years people will be going “Eh, you’re still on FACEBOOK” just like they do MySpace now.

      1. And you will have trail-blazed long before anyone. I think you are totally right that the inception of FB was like grade school, progressing to high school, and now we are on the cusp of trying to find jobs and wondering if we should move out from home.

  16. I don’t have a Facebook account, and have never had one. I do get my blog posts linked to my husband’s account though. Does this make me a hipster douchebag, or something else entirely? Technologically retarded, perhaps?

    1. That sounds like me. I’m trying to figure out Photoshop at work and so far I’ve figured out . . . almost nothing. I deactivated my account . . . again. We’ll see if I’m bright enough not to click on something that reactivates it again.

  17. I have a Facebook.. I post things, show my sister funny stuff (she lives in a different city), that sort of thing. I don’t have a massive “friends” list but I’d feel a bit isolated if I deactivated my account.. it has helped me reconnect with some family members who I’ve missed.

    I also plant lots of pretend crops. No judging. :c

    1. WP ate my response, I think. Weird. I think if Fb works for you, then you should totally keep it. I just don’t think anyone should use it just because everyone else expects them to do so.

      Also, I plant pretend crops on stupid games off the internet, so I am totes superior, ha. 😀

  18. I quit facebook at the end of last year and haven’t looked back. Like you mentioned, a lot of people are “in league” with it, so you have to re-set-up accounts (like superbetter or spotify) so everything isn’t based on your facebook profile… but once that’s done, it’s quite nice. Since I think it would make a hipster cry if you clumped us together in any group ever, I’m gonna say that Huffpo is wrongo. 😉

    1. Good point! Hipsters are, like, totally individuals! I just deactivated (again) so I’ll have to be more careful.

      I’ve read some articles that suggest Facebook may go the way of MySpace before long because young people don’t want to hang out where their parents are. Ha!

      1. It’s true. I wouldn’t say this on my own blog, just in case, but I deleted FB because it was either that, or find a nice way to tell my father in law that I wasn’t going to friend him, haha! 🙂

  19. I wrote a whole post on why I hated Facebook – 10 reasons why Facebook is the spawn of the devil. I have it. But only under protest.

    1. Where is the post? I have to read it. When I click on your name I only get your gravatar.

  20. You know what’s hipster? Articles about how people who don’t want to spew every single thought into their head into a status are hipster. Seriously? There is so much going on in the world than facebook.

    I think you deactivating your account is a good thing. You can think for yourself and don’t feel the need to constantly check a website full of people you would not talk to on a normal basis. I’m to the point of hiding most people as well. Especially since the last election, facebook is just stupid most of the time. I end of talking to my close friends without it too, so who am I really connecting with?

    1. Exactly. It got to where almost every time I was on there I left with a bad taste in my mouth. I enjoy chatting with people in real life and on WordPress a lot more. There were those who didn’t want me to go, but I have an email address. Those still work. Everything doesn’t have to be on facebook.

  21. Another hipster douchebag here. Have managed to make it this far without needing a Facebook account for anything and, egad, my life hasn’t ceased to exist without it. Shocker, right? Of course, I have a whole bunch of friends on it, who ask why if I blog I don’t just get Facebook like every one else – because they’d actually read what I write if I put it there but can’t be bothered to click on a link to go to a different page. Um, yeah, no thanks. You either want to read what I have to say, or you don’t.

    1. It’s bad when email is too slow for people. I used to have my blog connected to fb and twitter but I didn’t get that much traffic from it. Actually, it’s been a few months now and wordpress still counts all those people as followers.

  22. I have an FB account. Deactivated a couple of them back in the early days. But NOW, I have pretend crops and make pretend yogurt. I love yogurt, don’t you? I used to have about 500+ friends, then one day, spent an hour deleting more than 300 of them, because I realized we don’t even interact for a year now. Now I have about 50+ real life friends and relatives I connect with, and about 100 acquaintances, on FB. My news feed is filled updates from openculture, amandapalmer, and wtf, evolution – because i am pretentious like that. I hide my friends’ updates, so I don’t get any. I just go to their pages when I miss them, or we PM each other. I no longer remember my password to yahoo messenger.

    1. You can make pretend yogurt on there? I might have to reconsider . . .

      It makes sense to keep it if you have real life friends on there that you interact with regularly.

  23. […] Facebook Loser or Hipster Douchebag? (aliceatwonderland.wordpress.com) […]

  24. We should all do what we want, because people in the media who write articles about people quitting Facebook being hipsters, are probably hipster douche bags themselves. They probably type their articles on iPads, sitting in Starbucks drinking their soy lattes, wearing rolled up jeans and glasses without lenses.
    If you don’t like Facebook, quit Facebook. Personally, Facebook has opened my eyes to how different people I know actually are to how I perceive them. I’ve seen people I’ve grown up with since I was a teenager make racist posts, others that I thought were shy are actually selfie narcissists.
    So for me, thank god for Facebook, so I can weed some of these idiots out of my life.
    Such an awesome post and I really enjoyed reading 🙂

    1. Oh, that’s very true – you do find out more about people. Unfortunately I found out a lot of my facebook friends were jerks. On the other hand, it can be a source of amusement. Tempting to put in a fake account just to see some of the crazy stuff that goes on there. Thanks for stopping by! Hope you stick around. 😀

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