An Alice Easter Special

happy easter

Yes, folks, it’s Easter!  That special time when flowers bloom, bunnies are born, eggs are painted in many pastel hues, tiny tots are dressed in pretty little dresses, and that dead guy comes back to life.  You know, all that stuff.

But do you know the real meaning of Easter?  You’re in luck.  Now is the time for me to screw up tell you the story of Easter.  Once, a long, long time ago, there was a rabbit that wore a little blue jacket.  His name was Peter, or Simon-Peter, take your pick, and he was always getting into some sort of trouble, because he was trying to spread the gospel.

The Virgin Bunny dresses Peter in a coat of one color - blue.

The Virgin Bunny dresses Peter in a coat of one color – blue.

What is the gospel?  It’s from this book with teeny tiny illustrations that teach lessons to us all.  There’s the tale of two bad mice, and that one about Mrs. Tittlemouse, and Squirrel Nutkin, and of course no one can forget the unforgettable parable of Jemima Puddleduck.  Anyway, he wanted to spread these stories, even though it was dangerous to do so.

One who definitely needed converting was a Mr. McGregor.  So Peter ignored his Mother Bunny, who happened to be a virgin bunny – don’t ask, and crawled under the fence, on a mission to spread the Word.  Sadly, he got caught and baked into a pie.  All the animals were sadfaced.  How would they learn the Word of the Great Potter now?

Mr. McGregor was a pharisee, pretty sure.

Mr. McGregor was a pharisee, pretty sure.

But lo, after three days, Peter emerged from the oven, alive!  He scared the crap out of Mr. McGregor, man.  He was now an angel bunny, who told his followers to “Do this in remembrance of me guyz – Paint eggs and hide them from children.” “Wtf?” asked his followers.  But Peter said, “Yo, don’t question me.”  So they did it.  And they still do it today, although all the history got mixed up along the way.

And that’s the story of Easter.  Yes it is.  Now I’m going to eat a Cadbury egg.

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11 responses

  1. Little Peter Rabbit had a fly upon his nose…Little Peter…ok going now as I’ve already eaten several Cadbury ‘chockies’. Happy Easter Ms. Alice 🙂

    1. I LOVE Cadbury ‘chockies’. I am going to use the word ‘chockies’ and act as if I am very cultured and whatnot. Happy Easter to you, ramblings.

  2. Rabbits may lay eggs, but they’re actually not chocolate. They just tell us that to trick us into eating their shit.

    1. Rabbits are devious little rodents.

  3. WTF, I’m glad you cleared that one up for me.

  4. It all makes perfect sense now.

    1. I’m chock full of senseless information, yes.

  5. Everything makes so much sense now.
    But mighty Alice of Wonderland, tell us the purpose of peeps won’t you?

    1. Beware of Peeps. They are false idols. But yummy.

  6. I’m not going to be able to read the Beatrix Potter books in the same way anymore… Hang on, I don’t read them.

    Phew! No problem after all! 😀

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