Yoga Ka-Ching!

When I first starting dipping into Yoga, I had no idea how freaking deep the yoga ocean was, and by “deep” I’m not talking philosophical, I’m talking THERE IS A LOT OF YOGA CRAP OUT THERE.  Books, DVDs, clothing, music, accessories, props, and on and on.  Just to give you an example, I did a few searches on Amazon.  Here are my results.

191,343,885 in All Departments

22, 794 clothing

25, 559 books

6, 201 DVDs

4, 005 music

Yeah, I'm not sure how Kindle and Zombieland relate either, but most of them are yoga

Yeah, I’m not sure how Kindle and Zombieland relate either, but most of them are yoga

Holy Batcrap, Batman!  Even taking into consideration that sometimes Amazon thinks an e-reader is related to yoga, and some possible duplications, that’s a lot of stuff for a discipline that is supposed to simplify your life!  Also, I find it highly amusing to note that there is more clothing than anything else.  Because screw the books and DVDs if you don’t look good while doing Yoga, am I right?

I actually bought some workout clothes back when I was trying various kinds of workouts.  Sure I could workout in old sweats, but I like the way some of the clothes hold in areas of your body that otherwise do not stay where you want them to stay.  It’s important to have, say, your boobs compressed if you’re a female (and possibly if you’re a male, I’m not judging here) if you do anything physical.  Also, in yoga, you really need something that fits fairly well on top unless you want it falling in your face when you are invariably told to turn upside down.  Yoga likes people upside down.

Sometimes regular T-shirts don't cut it during Yoga.

Sometimes regular T-shirts don’t cut it during Yoga.

I don’t just have clothes, of course.  Since I’m a librarian, I admit to having a book problem.  I love books.  I don’t have nearly the number of books my librarian mother has, but I do have some that I keep for various reasons.  Sometimes it’s because they are funny (I have almost everything Dave Barry has ever written) or because they’re pretty or because I swear I’m going to read it someday.  The last category is the biggest one.  Periodically, I weed out books, donate some, and sell a few to Hastings – at which point I immediately buy more books.  As I often say, working in a library for me is like an alcoholic working in a liquor store.  Not very healthy.  Especially since it’s free, so you can take out as many items as you want and Holy Batcrap in a Hat you want them all, of course.

Libraries are not the free entities they appear, though, my friend.  That is a ruse.  Suuuure, check out as much stuff as you want, they say.  Oh, but you will have to pay fines when you forget to return the books on time.  And you will forget to return the books on time.  Because you’ve lost them, haven’t you?  And now you have to buy the books from us.  Thank you for supporting your public library!

Since I am guilty of this very thing, I figured I’d just buy some books, especially if they were on the bargain rack (discount liquor, guys!)  So now I have several books.  But I haven’t even scratched the surface.  I’ve figured something out.  If I want to get published, I should write a book on yoga.  There are so many, probably no one would notice that I don’t have the faintest idea what I’m talking about.  And I know the title.  Yoga Twilight Sexy Times.  Bestseller for sure.

How to fine get in shape with sparkly vampires.

How to fine get in shape with sparkly vampires.

Then there are the DVDs.  Oh, so many.  I love comparing instructors.  The boring ones, the hyperactive insane ones (see the spooky Kundalini chic), the evil ones (yoga meltdown, noooo) the zen ones, the athletic ones, the scarily skinny ones, and the ones who stepped out of a Richard Simmons video.  Just looking at the beginner DVDs alone is astounding, especially what they consider to be “beginner.”  I’ve started with some only to stop and just watch the instructor continue to bounce from one position to the next, down dog, salute the sun, down dog, salute the sun, down dog, I’m not saluting the freaking sun again so stop it!

And finally, let’s not forget the props!  Sure, technically you could do yoga without this crap, but where’s the fun in that?  You’ll need a mat, of course, that’s a given.  Try to make it an actual yoga mat, and not a fruity sixties bathmat.  Then there’s yoga blocks (don’t tell me to use my yoga books as blocks those are for sitting on my bookshelf and looking pretty!), yoga blankets (really), yoga bolsters, yoga beads (like the rosary without the Catholic), yoga straps (a belt, but way cooler, cause it’s, um, yoga).  It’s outrageous what you can pay for some of this stuff, all so that you can relax already.  But I’ll admit, I bought some of it.  Bolsters are overpriced, but worth it, because they are really supportive of your body.  I have one that I was going to take a picture of, but I lost my camera. Anyway, my yoga teacher made it, it is beautiful, and I call it my preciousssss.  There is nothing wrong with me.

The lady has issues.

Alice has issues.

So anyway, with all this stuff, you can start to get slightly overwhelmed, yes?  I know I have!  But I like to throw myself into learning new things head first (I have gotten a few head injuries this way).  If you want some real details with pictures and links and stuff, go see this post at braith an’ lithe’s blog.  There’s some cool stuff here.  Okay, so it’s stuff from the U.K., but it gives you an idea of what’s out there.  Have fun, and remember – a yoga bolster can act as a floatation device if you are afraid of drowning in yoga metaphors.  Good luck and Namaste and all that.

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34 responses

  1. You’re definitely onto something with your proposed book. How about throwing in the number of routines you’ll cover in the book? Say, ooh, I don’t know, ‘Yoga: 50 Twilight Sexy Times’ ?
    I’ve not bought my bolster yet. See how I rise above mere material temptations. It’s ages (well, days anyway) since you left me a comment telling me about your preciousss.

    1. I like that, I think you’re onto something there. Numbers always help. Like 10 ways to get thin NOW (1. chop off your head). I know the first routine already. Instead of sun salutations, you could just have sparkle time -stand there, arms outstretched, sparkling!

      1. Excellent, can I use that in my yoga classes when I qualify? That’s the kind of teacher I’d like to be – let’s sparkle! breathe! lie down on our bolsters with lavender eye bags over our face! ta-dah!

  2. I bought a yoga DVD probably about ten years ago: Yoga for Dummies. I saw that one on Amazon and thought, “Ding, ding, ding! We have a winner!” I think it’s an awesome DVD for beginners. In fact, I still go back to it sometimes. I have a friend to teaches it now at the gym where I’m a member, so I prefer going to an actual class. The moves on the DVD are basic (with one or two more challenging ones thrown in) with options for making them harder.

    1. I have that video! I got it cheap on VHS. I I like her better than most, although I still think I’m doing that down dog thing wrong probably. Now how is my butt supposed to look? I actually performed for my husband one night to see if I did it right. He kept saying nope as I changed position.

      I think he was sincerely helping me . . .

  3. Write that book. I’d buy it for sure. I could read that instead of doing actual yoga!

    1. Yes! I hardly have any time for real yoga, what with reading about it and so on. I’ve actually (not making this up) tried to read about how to do the legs up the wall pose while doing the legs up the wall pose. It’s hard to read with blood rushing to your head.

    2. Ha, I spent *years* doing that; and wondering why it mysteriously didn’t improve my back pain or general flexiblity.

      1. That was meant to be a reply to She’s A Maineiac. I haven’t actually spent years in the legs up the wall pose. I wonder if that would give you the glowing skin of someone 15 years younger?

        1. I hear it also cures athlete’s foot. Another good post – weird claims of yoga cures.

  4. Oh, I’ve had two free sessions of basic yoga as part of a seminar. It wasn’t so hard, being basic. Also, our teacher said that the reason yoga can be a bit hard is because like most of similar stuff and martial arts, the focus has become more concentrated on form rather on the breathing. I say that is true. Sometimes I lose breath when doing Muay Thai mainly because I don’t breathe priperly and am too intent on doing the forms correctly.

    As for books, I’m so with you. I have so many books that I haven’t finished or even read yet!

    1. I believe that. I read one book that said if you can’t breathe through a pose, either let up on it or don’t do it because you won’t be getting the benefits. Unlike aerobics, you aren’t supposed to get your heart rate up that high, but just the opposite. Heck, you can break a sweat just holding a pose. Anyway, I love the calming aspects of yoga – if I can get myself into them instead of bouncing from one thing to the next.

      OMG I found another cool book on how to relax – no time to relax until I read it!!!!

  5. Mad woman. Still, you keep me amused! Just be careful you don’t pull muscles and end up walking like you’ve cacked your pants.

    1. I have done this before, but not on yoga. I pulled some hamstrings and looked like Roy Rogers with the straddle walk.

      1. I think it would be quite scary to find you’d managed to pull a muscle during yoga…

        1. It’s certainly made me plenty sore.

  6. Yoga says, “Do or do not. There is no try.” Wait, I think I messed up.

    1. I wonder if Lucas got Yoda’s name from Yoga, since he’s always meditatin’ and acting all “Cool I am with the force. Whiny little puke like you, I am not, nanner.” Yoda’s main diet is probably granola too, I just know it.

        1. He did take Luke’s power bar, or whatever he had. “Mine, or I help you not!”

  7. I’m sorry to hear you lost your camera. But I’m sure there is a yoga camera you could buy to take photos of yoga accessories and people doing yoga.

    1. I’m going to look that up on Amazon. It would not surprise me in the least to find a camera made specifically for that purpose. Like maybe it takes expert pictures upside down.

      1. Well, I looked, actually, and there is no yoga camera on Amazon. (there are yoga laptops, though) So, if you have business savvy to make and sell a Yoga camera, the market is wide open.

  8. And I thought I didn’t do things halfway. 😉 As for this: “Yoga likes people upside down.” Yes it does. And sadly, these positions are not that flattering. Yet another reason I do my yoga at home…

    1. The only problem is not knowing if you’re doing it right. I do like (and don’t like at the same time) the mirrors in the studio. I wish I had more private mirrors so I could see my butt, but others could not. Although I think they’re too busy staring at their own butts to see mine. I haven’t gotten to go to class in over a week because something (stomach flu, husband’s overtime, etc) has gotten in the way. Grrr. Yoga breaths, yoga breaths.

  9. There certainly is a lot of stuff you can buy for yoga, and I think my wife has bought most of it. It does make for easy gift on her birthday

    1. Another yoga obsessive? Neat. What do you buy her? For your birthday I got you a strap and some blocks! Put that way, it sounds like you want to do her in.

      1. I’ve gotten her plenty of clothes, and some accessories like blocks. She’s currently in training to be a teacher, and soon will be instructing some prenatal courses.

  10. You should write that book, you’ll be the next big thing! You could get a movie deal! I’d definitely watch that.
    The Yoga Shirt Conundrum. What do you do about it? If you wear tighter shirts, people will see a tad too much of you when they make you do those twisty poses. If you don’t they still see too much.

    1. Get the shirts with the built in bras. Not as much chance of people noticing how cold it is in the room.

  11. You forgot about all the yoga food!

    I think I’ve mentioned Wai Lana is my yoga homegirl. She is nice and soothing and works your body, and OH! does it ever feel good. I’ve been watching her for years.

    She is also apparently made of human claymation stuff, like Gumby, but not green. That woman moves her body in ways that make me think she mustn’t be constructed of the same stuff other humans are. For example: Wai Lana Yoga: Rock the Leg – YouTube.

    But, she usually tells you how to modify asanas so that they’re less intense, and the way she talks, I actually believe her when she says it’s okay that I can’t bend my body in all the crazy ways she can.

    1. Yes, you did! But I’d forgotten her already. I will have to watch the video soon. I want to see Gumby lady.

      OH, yes, yoga food. Granola and veggies, right?

      1. Oh no, Wai Lana had a whole line of stuff for in your kitchen that she sells! But I like her anyway. And the video is only like three minutes. 🙂

        1. I looked at her stuff! Some of her videos are pretty cheap now. I may have to try her.

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