The Bling Closet

Once upon a time, there was a girl named Alice who went around begging for blog bling.  She was not subtle about it.  Nope, she wrote several posts on it, in fact.  She whined on people’s blogs when she wasn’t selected.  Whining turns out to be a very effective bargaining tool, for soon she was rolling in bling which she put in her bling closet labeled Unbirthday Presents.

Then Alice got busy.  She had things to do.  Like avoid housework and play video games and insult stupid books and hack up mounds of mucus. Cool stuff you guys just wouldn’t understand. So she didn’t write a thank you post.  She meant to, but life, you know, she was trying to find one and that takes TIME people.

So there’s this backlog, and though she tried to keep records, she has none, except the kind that go round, round, baby, right round, like a record baby, right round, round round.  What’s a lazy girl to do?  Write one post to try to cover her rear end, that’s what she’s to do.  And here it is, in all its glory!

Here’s a couple of awards I just got, so I actually remember them.  They were given to me by another Alice from a parallel universe blog.  First up is awesomesauce because it has a dragon.  Check it.

It's a FREAKING DRAGON, that's what it is.

It’s a FREAKING DRAGON, that’s what it is.

Next, is one that just showed up and has been floating around the blogosphere.  It’s the We Are Family award, and I get to be part of this messed up little family.  Woot!

Check out my shadow family.  They rock.

Check out my shadow family. They rock.

And there were others, others that . . . crap I forgot.  I think one had Sunshine in it, because I’m just full of it.  Sunshine, that is.  And . . . um, others, just too many to mention!  Yes, that’s it!

The dragon award said to give out facts about yourself.  I’ve already done that so much I’m sure most people want me to take some of those facts back.  TMI Alice, is something I have heard, possibly, once or twice.  So I’ll make up some stuff about me.

    1. In high school, I was a cheerleader, on account of all my pep.
    2. I used to have a talking dog named Cheeto, but he kept giving out my passwords to people so I had my dragon eat him.
    3. I am really a princess, and as soon as Julie Andrews takes off my glasses, trims my eyebrows, and gives me a new dress and etiquette lessons, I am going to totally take the throne.  And write a diary about it.
    4. All that bad stuff I did?  It was not me.  It was my evil robot twin, Ecila.
    5. I see dead people.  In the funeral parlor.  The funeral directors keep telling me to quit stalking them.
    6. My dad is Obi One Kenobi, so I might actually be a Jedi princess.  Don’t tell Twindaddy.  He has orders to destroy me.
    7. I do a LOT of drugs.  I mean, a LOT.

So there you go.  I have acknowledged awards I forgot, and some I didn’t (because I just got them like minutes before writing this post) and I made up some stuff about myself.  Yes, even the last thing.  I’m not stoned, just weird.

Thanks to all my peeps who are still out there, hopefully.  In keeping with my laziness, I give my award to all of you, mwah, mwah!  And also to all the spambots.

Love,

Alice

55 responses

  1. I will have to come up with a post like this, I keep forgetting to acknowledge all the awards given.
    Some drugs are fine, like valium and prozac, but:

    “Crack is wack” – Whitney Houston

    1. Wow. That is deep. It’s sad what happened to her but . . . she had more drugs going through her than the FDA. I mean the wack ones. I take anti-wack medical ones, but they don’t make me high. Just normal. As normal as I get.

  2. Alice, why did you have to be a Jedi? No I must hunt you down and exterminate you. Dammit…

    1. You will never find me deep in this here swamp . . . oops.

      1. We’ve been tracking you. We were suspicious to begin with and have had a team on you at ALL TIMES.

        1. If only these damn planets had more than one ecosystem!

          1. Ha! Lack of creativity foils you again!

        2. And you’ve been following Alice for quite some time now…

          1. Indeed I have. She has no secrets, despite what she may believe.

          2. Are you storm troopers associated with the dragon tales people? Because those guys are still following me and it’s starting to creep me out.

          3. We hired them to follow you.

          4. I’m no stranger!

          5. Pfft. I’ve got a unit dispatched to follow you, too. You look like an unsavory sort.

          6. Quick, Alice, distract him with Ewoks. Those cute little furballs can take out storm troopers with rocks!

          7. I’m no ordinary trooper.

          8. That’s because I am. Even 007 doesn’t know what to do with me.

          9. That’s because they keep changing whose playing him.

          10. Uh huh. That’s because I foil all of their attempts.

  3. I think it’s time to actually create spambot awards and give them out to fake followers.

    1. Yes! Fabulous idea! Run with it, and others will follow you, I’m sure.

      1. You mean those fake followers will follow me too? 🙂 Thanks for the follow, by the way – I may have doubts about some followers, but I know you’re definitely not fake.

        1. Not the last time I looked in the mirror, anyway…

    2. I agree with Carrie – this idea has merit. If only I could learn how to attach cookies to the spambots. Lista de email has been very diligent in following me. I think she deserves something special, but what?

      1. Let’s see… there’s the Versatile Spammer, Freshly Pending, One Lovely Bot… feel free to continue and make it into a post.

  4. Awww, now I’m sad I never thanked the spambots in any of my award acceptance speeches. All those poor, unloved, unrecognized, spambots! Won’t anyone think of the spambots! Oh… you just did. Okay, I think that covers it.

    1. I might have Sally Struthers do a PSA about it. For just a click a day, you can keep a spambot alive and destroying computers!

      1. Now there’s a worthy cause I could support. I’ve got plenty of clicks I’m willing to share.

  5. I enjoyed reading that Alice, Thank You. 🙂

    1. Thank you! No, thank you! 😀

  6. The first award is an honor..but after a while it is good to take a break and only do a post when you want! I liked your approach..

    1. I always pick the lazy approach. It has worked well for me. Cut and paste the award of your choice!

  7. So, um, I really need some. I’m all out! Just 2 gms will do.

    1. Psst, okay, all I gots the Pop Rocks. Be careful – do not put them in your Diet Coke, mmkay? You never heards from me.

  8. Aren’t you supposed to nominate other people for these too? Although I guess now you’re all popular and stuff you don’t bother with the mere mortals who follow you, only the spambots…

    :p

    1. I nominated everybodyyyyy! Mwah!

      I’m popular? Woot.

      1. I must have missed where you said that. DoH for speed-reading!

        1. That’s okay. Won’t you be my family? You can also be a dragon.

          1. Actually I quite like the idea of both! If I’m a dragon, it means I can incinerate the next Sister to complain about the Novice having long hair…. 😀

  9. I always knew you were a drugged out princess who saw dead people. I have a real knack for profiling…

    1. You do! You could be a writer who also does profiling and detective work on the side. Like that Castle jerk, only not a jerk!

      1. Can I have his money and his apartment, too? If so, I’m in.

  10. This reminds me that the last post I did on awards was awhile ago. I would guess that that has a lot to do with the fact that I both acknowledged and complained a little. I also slightly broke the rules. I guess I cannot complain I certainly do not have quite high-level follower privilege.

    1. What number do you have to be at to have high – level follower privilege? I wonder, oh, I wonder. Some bloggers have bazillions of them! I have more than I thought I ever would, but it wouldn’t surprise me if a large number of my followers are spambots.

      Not that I don’t love you anyway, spambots, oh yes I DOOO!

  11. lulz. Fact: I once caught a dragon, but my dog ate him.

    1. No one can prove it’s not true! I’ll have to show you my invisible unicorn sometime.

  12. Oh, drugs! I like to live on the edge myself, I had one Benadryl last night and slept like a baby.

    1. Oh, Benadryl! I once took one of those before church with my inlaws. I think there was drool on the pews. Hopefully I didn’t snore.

  13. Yay! Alice took some bling I threw!

    1. Bling, bling and magical fruit! The more I take the more . . . nevermind.

      1. Haha. TOOT!

        I cannot help it! I need to say it.

        Say it, don’t spray it.

  14. Love the way you tell it like it is – you had me laughing at your made up responses- this was very enjoyable – thank you!

    1. Thanks for encouraging my goofiness!

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