The Fruitcake Award

Since so many people have given me awards, I decided to return the favor and come up with my own.  Yup, I made it ALL BY MYSELF.  I thought on this one long and hard, folks.  And then, an idea came to me, like the ghost of Christmas past.  Fruitcake.

Look, Ma, I made it myself!

I made rules and everything, but they’re really easy, guyz.  Here’s how it works.

1. Thank the person (it’s the thought, not the hardened fruit, that counts).

2. Forget about it for a while.

3. Realize you haven’t written a thank you post, you cretin.  Click: Add New Post.

4.  Display the charming image on your blog. Smack it up there like you’re proud of it and everything.  Don’t hurt grandma’s feelings!

5. Link back to the person who sent it.  If you can’t remember, just link back to anybody.  Chances are they won’t remember whether they gave you something or not.

6. Chose ONE lucky, lucky reader to receive this special gift of joyness.  Cause what the heck are you going to do with it?

7. See what bizarre things you can get them to do.  Here are some suggestions.  Tell them to: blog naked, talk to their split personality, converse with imaginary animals, name themselves after a fruit, read 50 Shades (that’s just cruel), sparkle, hunt zombies, stand on their heads, join a religious order, eat a spambot, or even better, all of the above.  At once.  Pics or it didn’t happen.

8. Stalk their blog and see if they do all the stuff you asked.  If they don’t, tell them how hurt you are that they don’t like their gift and ask why they no longer love you.

9. See who they choose to send your gift on to.

10. Wait for it to eventually return back to you.  It’s fruitcake.  That’s what it does.

So that’s it!  Now, for the first winner of the great Fruitcake Award!  Miss Four Eyes, chosen because she is my bestest blog friend in the universe (I LOVE YOU FOREVERS) and not because her name came up first when I was thinking of who to dump this on give this precious gift.  Congrats!

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27 responses

  1. You so funny. This is great. And you know it will come back to you, mutated, with legs, and all new rules.

    1. I’m counting on it! Pass it around, guyz!

  2. Hmmm…..maybe I’ll come up with my own award, which will be infinitely better than this…Mwuhahahahaha.

    1. I’m sure it will. Your photoshop powers are . . . most impressive.

      1. Pfft. I don’t even know how to use photoshop…

        1. Then how did you make the awesome storm troopers flipping people off?

          1. Google. And MS Paint. Like a boss.

          2. I have an old version of Microsoft. My paint sucks. Few options. Sadface.

          3. It hasn’t gotten much better in the newer versions of Windows. The menus are all just in different places.

  3. I love it! Miss Four Eyes is one lucky lady.

    If I were more computer-literate and could design a badge-thingie, I’d love to rip off your idea, only make it an “Amish Friendship Bread” award. Have you ever received one of those starter recipes? (If not, I know what I’m getting you for Christmas).

    1. I actually just made it with my lousy Paint program. Copied it off a pic on the internet, opened it in paint and wall-ah! It actually kind of stinks, but so does fruitcake.

      Amish Friendship Bread has possibilities, though. I love bread.

  4. What a splendid award, Alice. Only you could think of this. I’m sure Miss Four Eyes will be so proud (to pass this one to someone else)! I couldn’t think of a better award myself.

    1. Thanks! I hope it is regifted to you soon. 😀

  5. This sounds about right. One day, I’mma do a mega award post to acknowledge all the ones that I’ve received and ignored thus far.

    1. I’ve done that before. There’s also the problem of not remembering who gave it to you, which is why I always thank them right after so at least they know I got it. Although as I pointed out, I wonder if they’d remember or not. Speaking of – not really – but speaking of, I’ve thought of putting out decaffeinated coffee and telling people it was real coffee to see if they’d notice. I wonder what would happen.

      1. You switched my regular coffee with Folgers? YOU DIE NOW!!!!

        1. Speaking of coffee, why won’t they go back to having Giles from Buffy the Vampire Slayer selling coffee. I’m pretty sure I’d buy some from him. It was such a moving story of the guy and the girl bonding over coffee.

  6. Awww! You dumped this on me thought of me?! Yay! Does this mean we’re like BFF4EVS now?! I’m so excited! I LOVE YOU TOO!
    So what do I have to do?
    blog naked- Done.
    talk to their split personality- Done.
    converse with imaginary animals- Done (but we don’t exactly converse a lot)
    name themselves after a fruit – Okay, Passion Fruit. Done.
    read 50 Shades – Unfortunately, done.
    sparkle- Like a stripper?
    hunt zombies- Okay, but only if you come with me. I’m scared of becoming the next teen sensation (Miss Four Eyes and the Hunt of the Zombies- a romantic thriller of a girl with faulty eyesight and a zombie who wants to eat her, but DOESN’T! aww)
    stand on their heads- NO! They tried to get me to do that in yoga, I thought my spine would explode!
    join a religious order- I believe in Google. I even started a cult. Does that count?
    eat a spambot- I’d be open to that.

    1. We are TOTALLY BFF4EVS! I KNEW you’d be able to do all of that! I’d forgotten about your Google cult, and here I’m pretty sure I’m a member. How must I repent? Ohhhh, don’t forget to pass on the fruitcake! Who you gonna send it to, huh? I can’t wait.

  7. You were totally thinking of me with “join a religious order” weren’t you? I’m not entirely sure why I get that impression though…

    I was going to say that you’re as nutty as a fruitcake, but then I realised one thing. Just where did that saying come from? And who puts nuts in a fruitcake? It’s supposed to be fruit that goes in. If you put nuts in, it becomes a fruit and nut cake, surely?

    1. Same reason they called it The French and Indian war, when the French and the Indians were on the same side . . . like wtf?

      1. Ah, so a simply inability to grasp the use of grammar then…

  8. […] (she also threatened to hurt Sad Pony, Squirrel, AND a bunch of puppies if I didn’t pass this on) Click here for the rules. […]

  9. Rohan 7 Things | Reply

    Haha, love the award and am super proud to be only one of the very few members the special fruitcake club!

    You rock 🙂

    Rohan.

    1. Thanks! Glad you got to share in the fruitcake. Pass it on, though, I’m not sure if you can actually cut the thing.

  10. […] As always, there are rules, and holy shit does this award have a ton of rules.  Eff you, Alice!! […]

  11. […] will also blame thank Alice and Miss Four Eyes and anyone else who has managed to keep this abomination going or had some part […]

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