Potty Training Videos Reviewed!

You might be wondering why I am reviewing potty training videos.  Don’t worry, the Things are long past potty training (THANK YOU GOD) but Speaker 7’s mini Speaker is still trying to train his mother.  I’m not sure if she’s viewed any of these videos yet, but she’s already done the potty chart, so we know she’s pretty desperate by now.  Therefore I dedicate this post to her and all the other parents still in the trenches of literal crap.

Ever heard of knocking?

Ever heard of knocking?

While we’re on the subject of crap, let’s get to the videos.  The first is a classic and involves a little girl unfortunately named Prudence.  It’s called “Once Upon a Potty” you know, like the fairy tales, only this time the princess is learning to use the royal throne instead of pooping hither and yon.  There is also a version for little princes, complete with instructions on the parts.  For instance, the cartoon Prudence bends over to show us all her butt hole.  It’s fascinating stuff, people.  I couldn’t find a clip of it (youtube failed me!) so here’s a picture which is worth a thousand words of horror.

Thank you for the demonstration, Prudence.

Thank you for the demonstration, Prudence.

I remember showing this video to at least the first Thing and possibly the second and getting a look that said “Yeah, I’m not buying it.”  But never fear, there are doodles, er, oodles more of these things to go!

You’ll be pleased to know that Elmo has a potty training video, thus combining one of the most irritating puppets ever and toilets into one giant bucket of video poop.  Elmo is learning to use the potty with the help of his Dad – a bigger elmo with this creepy mustache.  At least he SAYS he’s his dad.  Anyway, there’s a rock and roll song about the potty.  But it gets better.

Elmo's dad has Creeper written all over him.

Elmo’s dad has Creeper written all over him.

Later in the program, the kids start shouting out the names they give to their various body emissions.  “Poop!” “Pee!” “Urinate!” “Number Two!” etc.  You just know the urinate kid has yuppie parents.  My friend and I watched this with our kids when they were very young and fell over laughing hysterically.  Keep in mind we had toddlers and preschoolers at the time, so we were out of our minds.

Here’s a clip with yet another piece of horror from Elmo’s Potty Time.  Remember that song “Birds do it, bees do it, let’s fall in love?” Yeah, that one by Cole Porter that’s been used in movies, musicals, and sung by respectable artists even though it’s a rather annoying song.  But just wait till Elmo gets a hold of it!  You will never be able to hear it the same way again.

Finally, we have Bear in the Big Blue House.  I don’t know if you remember Bear.  I never really watched his show because I didn’t have whatever channel he was on at the time.  But I rented this video from the library, just like I rented the others, because I was desperate.  Changing diapers on a tiny baby is one thing.  By the time said baby is a toddler, it’s gotten old.  Very, very old.  And smelly.  You’ll do almost anything at this point.

Bear is a giant freaking bear that is sure to scare the crap out of children, so I figured he was a good bet.  He has muppet pals, all of them designed by Jim Henson who brought us Miss Piggy and Kermit.  I’m extremely thankful they didn’t lower their standards by appearing in this video.

I like how the mouse looks like he's gonna explode.

I like how the mouse looks like he’s gonna explode.

In this video, Bear’s friend Mouse is potty training.  I remember when I had mice in my old house, and boy do I wish Bear had been around then because cleaning up mouse poop is even worse than toddler poop because at least you can’t usually catch diseases from toddler poop.  Although for all you potential parents out there, they can get worms.  If anybody had told me this stuff before I had kids, I’m pretty sure I would have immediately joined the nearest convent.

But where was I?  Oh, right, disturbing stuff.  At one point in this video, there’s this bizarre shadow dance with this jungle beat and afro’d shadows bouncing on the wall like an LSD trip.  It’s the Potty Soul Train.   Check it out.

I quite remember my expression upon seeing this was something like this.

OMG!!!!!!!!!!!

OMG!!!!!!!!!!!

My child, of course, had long since started playing with blocks and ignoring the entire thing.  I honestly thought Thing One would never potty train.  But then she entered a preschool for kids with learning delays (for some reason they thought she should know how to use scissors at three.  Who the hell gives their toddler scissors?) that also took kids who weren’t potty trained.  My life was saved.

With Thing Two (I’m well aware how their names in this context are rather interesting), I tried training her for several months before two then gave up. At three, she decided she’d had enough fun screwing with Mommy and just started using it by herself.  Like it was her idea all the time.

I’d suggest a cat.  They train themselves.

34 responses

  1. Toddlers eat people food and shit like real humans! It is disgusting. As if our two year old’s diaper clean ups weren’t bad enough, wife and I got a puppy just to be sure we felt filthy every time we just look at the carpet now.

    1. Puppies and toddlers are a lot alike. Both poop everywhere and stick anything in their mouths. Congrats on having twins now!

  2. WE have trained two of three kids and so far we have had to take completely different approaches to train them. Raeden was a dealer, he had to make sure things were on his terms. He is also easily jealous, after his cousin finished potty training we had them spend a lot of time together. Since his cousin also happened to be a bragger, our son quickly found interest in potty training. Harry was hard in the sense that he took a little longer to figure out the logistics of going potty on command. After that he was easy since he is motivated by food.

    1. Yeah, it’s tough when the kid is motivated by nothing. “Hey, sweetie, look you can get an M & M if you go potty!” Child: “Don’t want one.” Meanwhile older child is going potty constantly so that she can get more candy.

      1. HA Ha, yeah that is rough. Raeden was like that with candy at first. It worked like 2 times then the coolness of it wore off and candy was no longer a big deal. “Hey dad, Ill just poop my pants, I’m good on M&Ms for now.”

  3. This was hilarious.

    I’m right in the middle now of potty training my son. He’s 2,5 now and he’s having a lot of fun doing it! Never used a video though? There’s a video for everything nowadays isn’t there?

    1. Pretty much. Kids aren’t fooled, though. They know what you’re trying to do and they’re not going for it. I think it just makes them more determined not to potty train because they sense their intelligence being insulted. “Like, seriously, Elmo, Mom? I scoff at you!”

  4. Bahahahaaa! The butt hole picture! There are no words.
    And Elmo’s song will be stuck in my head all day. And every single time I ‘potty’ now.

    1. I was sadfaced I couldn’t find a clip of it because, oh, wow, it’s far out. That picture there is the best one, though. Thank you, Google Images.

      The Sesame Street song is classic. I love it when Gordon starts singing about grownups going potty with that frozen smile that says “I am making good money doing this.” And the Bear song is even better. Po-po-po-pot-ty! Po-po-po-pot-ty!

  5. The sad thing is that I’m considering getting these videos. My daughter knows how to use the potty, but just thinks it’s preferable to poop in her bed. Getting really tired of cleaning it up.

    1. We put one of those little potties you empty in Thing One’s room for the longest time. Little Miss Lazy wouldn’t walk like four feet to the bathroom, but she would use the potty beside her bed. Just had to remember to check and empty it or blech.

  6. I have a feeling that there’s a minimum age to start potty training and it’s about 2, because they need to have enough wiring to understand that a wet bottom is uncomfortable.

    I’m just glad my sister didn’t have these videos for the girls – but it is tempting to share them with her, as my nephew will be 2 in August and I’m guessing they’re going to be starting to try to potty train him soon!

    1. I’d love to be able to sit in on a toddler play session. I can imagine it going like this: Madisyn: My mommy made me watch this awful video with baby butts. I thought it was inappropriate. Brayyton: Don’t listen to them. Stick with diapers. Underwear is of the devil. Jaxxon: I heard of a kid who got sucked into a potty once. Bad news. Neveah: Just play along and act like you like it, then go poop in your pants later. Madisyn: Why do we all have such stupid names? Brayyton: Parents are stupid. Don’t listen to them. Jaxxon: I just made a poopy.

      1. Suddenly you have a whole new idea for a novel there – the world of grown-ups, as seen by 2-year-olds! They don’t want to potty train, they can’t understand why “work” is more important than playing with them, and they’ll always prefer going to grandma’s house because she gives them more sweets.

  7. […] “Potty Training Videos Reviewed!”  (aliceatwonderland)  Some laughter therapy from the queen of bloggers on mental health. […]

  8. That Potty the Bear movie is a riveting, gripping entertainment, that keeps you at the edge of your toilet seat for the entire 161 seconds of the movie. However, I’ve thought that most characters were two-dimensional and lacked depth. Nevertheless, I give it two turds up.

    1. I’m going to have to disagree with you here, X, I found it lackluster and trite. I almost fell into the toilet from boredom. Two turds down.

      1. Since making things fall into the toilet was the director’s creative objective in this movie, I would say that the movie almost hit the mark.
        At least we agree on the number of turds.

      2. Alice, this is off topic, but I think this could be a perfect topic for a post for you: a Republican politician says that yoga is a path to Satan: http://www.politico.com/story/2013/06/ew-jackson-virginia-lieutenant-governor-yoga-satan-92321.html

        1. Just when you think they can’t get any nuttier. And people vote for these guys?

          1. This guy is, I think, clinically insane – but may actually win.

          2. Well, you know, if he doesn’t win then SATAN DOES. (head/desk)

  9. Ha! I hated the whole thing b/c I spent time worrying and making it an issue – and my kid just used the potty when he was good and damn ready (3.5 yrs) and that was that. I could have saved myself doodle/oodles of time and stress by just not worrying about it and letting it happen when it would. You don’t want a kid hiding in the closet taking a dump in a diaper b/c you warped him with an Elmo video. (Note – my kid did not do that – but i’ve heard stories). And it was HARDER to take long car rides with a newly trained toddler – how I wished for a diapers when we were going to California – when he realized every time he said he needed to use the potty his parents whipped off the interstate to a gas station or McDonald’s – and he got to use the gross facilities and possibly get a treat – we must have made 100 stops in 5 hours.

    1. Oh, I know. I totally wanted to just go back to diapers because they were easier than washing that underwear. And the pull-ups? More expensive diapers the kid can then easily yank off, spilling the poopy everywhere. Blech.

      1. the great part about just leaving him to do it on his own was that once he was ready, he didn’t have accidents – but we like to force the potty training on kids (everyone knows the parent that says her kid was using the toilet at 12 months! yeah, right)…because it makes us parents look ‘good’…
        We didn’t even bother with pull ups. And my kid has a short intestine (from having some removed) so his system digests food super fast – he pooped right after each meal.

        1. Yeah, most people who say their kids are potty trained really early are trained themselves. They have to rush the kid to the toilet constantly and the kid continues to have accidents much longer. Once mine were finally trained, there were few accidents.

          I really don’t get the bragging rights for potty training. What kid gets into Harvard because he learned to control his bowels before 2? I don’t think that’s on the application.

          1. Because our society is consumed with competition – that everything is a matter of “who is first” –

            I had to answer that very question to get into community college. My university didn’t care – go figure.

  10. Gah! I think I have been scarred for life by that picture of Prudence bending over and showing her bum hole (for making poo poo)!

    1. Thank goodness that bum hole was only for making poo poo. I’d have been nervous if mac n cheese came out of there.

  11. I remember Prudence! She didn’t potty train me, but a little girl I babysat for.

    1. Good old Prudence. I understand why she was reluctant to use the potty. She was ticked at her mom and dad for giving her that name. It sounds like prunes. Which I guess, come to think of it, does go along with the potty . . .

  12. We started with cats… they made the whole “parenting” thing seem super easy, so we forged ahead and brought about the little prince. Obviously, we aren’t near the potty training stage yet… but I am disappointed to learn that they don’t just start taking care of that on their own. For now I will enjoy my smell free infant diapers and try not to think about the stinkfests of the future.

    1. They should totally make a litterbox for toddlers. Oh, wait, that’s what the playground sandbox is for. Nevermind.

      1. Gross. And yet… not all that terrible of idea at the same time. Interesting. I wonder if the queen would approve of a sand box in the house when the time comes…

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