Thing Two is Nine

Behold Lord Vader - and my bad job in Paint!

Behold Lord Vader – and my bad job in Paint!

Today my baby is nine-years-old.  She has grown taller, but her personality was set before she was born.  No one can peg that kid down – she even ran away from the doctor’s stethoscope while still in the uterus.  She was born screaming her little head off, and hasn’t stopped making noise since then.  There’s never a doubt that kid is around, because she is constantly on the move, another project in the works.  She is beautiful, smart, clever, creative, funny as hell, and a sneaky little thing.  But if you know Thing Two and you don’t love her, you don’t have a heart.

Thing Two is a jubilant extrovert in a family of introverts.  We all wonder where she came from.  She’ll try to befriend absolutely anybody and very little embarrasses her.  Once when she was around two or three we were waiting in the doctor’s office.  A lady sat next to us and Thing Two talked to her about the wildest things as if they’d known each other for years.  The lady looked at me with a confused expression.  “She’s shy,” I said.  Another time when she was around four the nurse asked her if she’d had her shots.  She said “Yes, see?” and dropped her pants – right there in the waiting area.  So I had her with her pants down and Thing One (8 years old) flailing around like she was about to have a seizure because OMG little sister was showing her panties!  At least we provided entertainment.

Thing Two is dramatic, no matter the situation.  She is quick to anger and tears, but just as quick to laughter and smiles.  Don’t get on her bad side, though, or you will become, in her words “her mortal enemy.”  In reality, though, few people are enemies of Thing Two.  Most are friends, whether they are adults, children, stuffed animals or invisible creations.  Everything and everyone is worthy of celebration – with a party.  A big party with decorations and cue cards in case you forget your lines.  Once she even planned a surprise birthday party – for herself.

. . . to me!

. . . to me!

Speaking of parties, Saturday we had her birthday party. I’m not a fan of birthday parties.  Those involve things like other children, noise, mess, other children, lots of chaos, and other children. But her father (the tallest child at the party) planned it and he did an impressive job.  The theme was Star Wars since Thing Two is a tad obsessed with it, to say the least.  Four of her guests were boys.  My husband was thrilled – a party without Hello Kitty or My Little Pony or pink!

Each child received a light saber – a pool noodle cut in half.  They also got to create blasters with PVC pipe and black duct tape.  For another activity, they put her new stuffed Yoda in a backpack and ran a timed obstacle course like Luke while training with Yoda on his back.  He cut holes in empty washer fluid jugs and Thing Two stuck on them pictures she made of Padme and a bounty hunter and the Death Star, among others.  Did I mention she’s an awesome artist?  Anyway, for this game they NEEDED a Nerf rifle that shot little disks into the jugs.  And all over the church gym we had rented ( If at all possible, do not have parties at your own house.)

There were Darth Vader masks for each kid.  These did not come assembled, which really should have been explained on the outside of the bag thanks so much.  Thankfully, a few dads were around to do the mechanics of mask making.  For refreshments we made cupcakes and decorated them with Vader and  storm trooper rings and  light saber picks.  I ordered these decorations off Amazon.  Behold our amazing work.

Clearly I am not Martha Stewart.

Clearly I am not Martha Stewart.

The kids had a blast (literally).  Including the Things, there were eight children running around, “shooting” each other with their pipe blasters, whacking balloons (oh that delightful POP) and smacking the daylights out of each other with pool noodles.  My husband was in the middle of most of this, targeting small children with the Nerf gun.  I was in the corner practicing yoga breathing techniques.

After the party, my husband and I collapsed.  All done!  Until next Monday, when Thing One becomes a teenager.  Oy.

24 responses

  1. Your husband with the Nerf gun? That will be my husband in several years. I think he will view our offspring as pretty much his playthings. Congratulations on a stellar party!

    1. Thank you. Yeah, when I met my husband he was constantly followed around by neighborhood kids like the Pied Piper. I thought “good father materal” there. I was right. 😀 Poor guy didn’t get a boy, but Thing Two is close enough.

  2. HAPPY BIRTHDAY! Please have your husband plan my kid’s party? My kid is shy like Thing Two as well – 🙂

    1. I bet they’d have fun together. And he’d probably like planning another boy party. He’s so outnumbered by girls here.

      1. if it’s at Top Gear or NASCAR (yes, my son is a hick from punk parents…sad but true) he’ll be GOLDEN.

  3. Happy Birthday, Thing Two! 😀

    1. Thanks. She will love the good wishes. She was asking if there were comments at like 6:30 this morning. 😀

  4. Happy birthday, Thing Two!

    Your cupcakes look great, Alice. Twindaddy is on them! ……you ate Twindaddy?

    1. I can’t believe he hasn’t noticed yet. That’s kind of hard to ignore, right?

  5. writingmom2013 | Reply

    That birthday party sounds awesome – please invite me to your next one!

    My son’s first birthday is coming up mid-August, which is odd & makes me a little nervous. I know he won’t remember it, but he does like other kids, and being my first, isn’t around them much. So I feel like I should plan a party, with at least cake & ice cream & a few activities so I can convince people with awesome kids to come over.

    Do you have any suggestions? I’m thinking of having a theme just to make it easier for me to plan everything…

    1. They usually have party stuff for 1st birthdays. I might have used that. I don’t remember as I was sleep deprived. I believe we had mostly adults over at the oldest’s first birthday party. She didn’t want to touch the messy cake. I remember putting her hands in it myself. You do bizarre things when you’re a parent.

      One-year-olds are funny with other kids. They don’t realize they aren’t extensions of their own bodies, so you’ll see them trying to stuff their friend’s foot in their mouth. That could be your entertainment right there. 😀

  6. Sounds like the perfect party for 9 year olds…But what is a pool noodle?
    I don’t know if you got this in the states…look up on YouTube ‘Harry Enfield – Kevin becomes a teenager’.

    1. It’s a long piece of foam you can play with in the water – like a super long floaty thing . . . I guess. I’ve never actually used one in water, just to smack my kids.

  7. Since when do masks require assembly? Did you get them from Ikea?

    1. First time for everything I guess. They looked flat to me, but then I opened it up and surprise – there are two parts with lots of tabs and instructions! This is what they look like when assembled.

  8. I am really impressed by the yoda obstacle course.

    1. It was pretty amusing. Some looked hesitant until they realized it was a timed competition, and then they got serious. For nine-year-olds anyway.

  9. Your husband needs to plan my birthday party.

    1. He’s pretty good, huh? Thing Two expressly said we had to show the pictures of the storm trooper rings because of twindaddy.

      1. LMAO. I love Thing 2!!

  10. Happy Birthday to Thing Two! Yoda obstacle course? Great idea! And you’re right about the idea of hiring somewhere else for the party. Saves you having to clear away all your breakable things, and there’s usually more space and so on.

  11. Happiest of birthdays to Thing Two! I totally agree with the other children dilemma. Eek

  12. I have not yet been able to get my daughter to watch Star Wars, and I suspect now that she’s all of 13, it’s retro charm will probably be lost on her far more sophisticated, Great-Gatsby-loving tastes.

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