Alice’s Father’s Day Special

Google is at it again.  I hate you Google.

Google’s Father’s Day Heading.  For the fathers who are also kidnappers.

It just occurred to me that it’s Father’s Day and I didn’t do a special post on it.  I’ve been busy, what with practicing my devil yoga and managing facebook accounts for two animals and celebrating the second birthday of the month (one more to goooooo!)  So Father’s Day is really in a bad place here.  Three birthdays is really enough.  To top it off, my parents also have their anniversary this month.  I remember it because there are flags everywhere commemorating the union that led to yours truly.  Some say it’s Flag Day, but heck with them.

So now we have Father’s Day.  I have no idea what the history behind Father’s Day is but I’m guessing the greeting card industry had something to do with it.  Probably also the people who manufacture men’s cologne and ties.  Even fathers don’t always care about Father’s Day because they already have 20 bottles of cheap cologne and a dozen Garfield ties.  They’re pretty much set.

He already has plenty of these.

He already has plenty of these.

Also I posted more this week than usual.  My apologies.  I blame the ADHD or the OCD or some other letter combination.  But I was talking about fathers here, and what they mean to me.  They are much more than that little bit they offer to make a child.  Sometimes they are much better.  Other times they are much worse.  And some are dead.  People with deceased parents just LOVE Mother’s and Father’s Day because they like constant reminders of loss.  It’s not like they can send cards to the underworld.  That would cost a fortune.

Another annoying thing about Father’s Day – the ads.  For once, they’re filled with guy stuff.  Guy clothes, golf clubs, barbecue grills, tools and snooooooorrrre.  I’m not saying all men like these things.  That’s just what Sears and Target think they should like, so it’s everywhere even though, generally speaking, it’s women that like to shop.  But we don’t like to shop for guys.  Well, I don’t.  And most Father’s Day stuff is crap.  So my husband is buying his own Father’s Day present because he knows what he wants and it’s something for his garage that I can’t remember the name of or lift for that matter, so I’m perfectly happy letting him choose it himself.

Hmm, well Dad sure could use some deodorant, whew . . .

Hmm, well Dad sure could use some deodorant, whew . . .

We bought my father a book on cars.  I might throw in cologne. He’s one of the few men I know that actually likes getting cologne.  But really, I hate these made up days.  Isn’t it bad enough that we have to remember people’s birthdays and whatever winter holiday it is they celebrate?  I think we should all boycott stupid holidays.  I bet I could get people behind that one because it’s pointless and doesn’t actually help say feed anyone or something.  So boycott Father’s Day, Mother’s Day, Grandparent’s Day, Siblings Day, Basset Hound day (I actually only made the last one up – probably).  You’ll be glad you did.  Unless your Dad is into revenge.

So tell me – do you like Father’s Day?  Did you remember to buy a gift?  Was it a tie?  Why did you do that?

Now we're just adding insult to injury, huh?

Now we’re just adding insult to injury, huh?

18 responses

  1. Lol at sending cards to the underworld. I’m sure if Hallmark could find a way to do it, they would.

    1. You know. When you care enough to send the very deadest . . .

  2. You’ll appreciate this. Instead of buying something for my father, I wrote him a story and surprised him with it at a potluck gathering of my writers’ guild. It’s called “My Dad (not bad for a sixth-grade grad) and it’s posted here –

    Take that Hallmark!

    1. Much better than Hallmark, but harder to fit on a card. 😀

      1. True. I don’t envision a career for myself in the greeting card industry. 🙂

  3. Thanks you much for the fine article of wich much information I have been needing is inside of. I will be sure to pay much visits and atention to all future articles of such good information. Keep up with the good hard work. And speaking of hard, I have for selling some magic pills that will make you like a tree in your soft areas. Only fifty glabotniks for a bottle that will give you much happy pants for a long time.
    That really freaked me out when I got to the bottom of the post and that Alice picture popped out from behind… how did you do that…? I could do something crazy with that…

    1. The Alice picture is my background picture. On the dashboard there’s an option somewhere to upload a picture for your background. I forget how I did it. I do recall wasting a lot of time doing it.

      You are very articulate for a spambot. Much hopes to be seeing of you soon.

      1. I am, unfortunately, also a computer moron. But I might try to do that. It would be fun to slip something weird back there to pop out at the unsuspecting visitors. Thanks.

  4. This year for Father’s day my son got me the gift of screaming at me about snack foods for 2 hours till he fell asleep.

    1. Ah, yes. My eldest was born the day before Father’s Day so she got to wail and poop diapers for him. Later when she was a toddler it was “Duuuuuuuuice! Duuuuuuuuice!” when she wanted her juice sippy cup. Occasionally we’ll do that back to her now that she’s 13.

      1. Vengeance is mine, saith the Parents.

  5. As soon as we were old enough my brother and I stopped buying dad ties, wallets, cologne and started buying him what he really wanted all along – beer, of course! Best. Sons. Ever.

  6. I completely forgot Father’s Day this year. Well, I sort of remembered, but not in time to actually do anything about it. I simply apologised to my dad via my mum last night! One year I did get him a t-shirt, which has the slogan “A dad is for life, not just for father’s day” or something like that.

    1. A while back I got my husband a shirt with a fisherman on it that says “Does my bass look big in this shirt?”

      1. Fantastic! Did Mr Alice appreciate it? (We need a suitable nick-name for your hubby. I did think about “ThingDaddy” in the style of the amazing TwinDaddy, but that could get confusing.)

  7. I don’t like (or celebrate) Father’s Day, Mother’s Day or Valentine’s. Not keen on Christmas either, but I couldn’t get away with skipping that. I do love birthdays, though.

    One of my favourite ‘News time’ exchanges in my P3 (age 7/8) class last year was this:
    Sid: …so then we took a tray of breakfast and a present up to my dad.
    Me: how nice of you! What present did you get him?
    Sid: I’m not sure what they’re called. One of those whirly electric things to get rid of all the hair in his nose and ears.
    Me: (10 years of professionalism at play to keep straight-faced and positive) Ah! And did he like his present?
    Sid: Um. I think so.

    1. Hahaha! I sure would be excited to get a nose hair trimmer. I also like the collections that come with cologne, after shave and deodorant. You know, just a hint, Dad.

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