Merbear: No, Mildred, you smell like fish…stop!
Alice: holy hell that would have to sting wouldn’t it?
Merbear: Um…ouch…That means it is working. Feel the burn.
Alice: cleans the canal in the presence of mucus? Oh eww. wtf kind of mucus matter she got goin’ on there.
Merbear: I think I just barfed in my mouth a bit. Soda and salt? In your woo hoo?
Alice: seems an odd place to put it. Now butter I get.
Merbear: Now, don’t forget to douche with Lysol, says doctor never. My doctor told me not to douche, actually.
Alice: heck with the douche, I’ll just spray the can up there.
Merbear: I am full of inhibitions baby! Oh yeah, smell me!
Alice: actually, we tried that once at the library on a bunch of nasty videos and it was not good. Smelled like funk AND lysol.
Merbear: Funky junky.
Alice: I like how her ghost is all freaked out – but wait, your hoo-ha! Don’t let him touch your hoo-ha!
Merbear: Did you notice she has her hand upon her breast? Like, alas I am so horny.
Alice: well, someone’s gotta get her going – I’m guessing it won’t be him. He’s half done.
Merbear: Yeah, that is a pre ejaculation face if I have ever seen one.
Alice: Let’s hope he killed his germ life too.
Merbear: But Alice, men can’t douche! They suffer from other manlike issues.
Alice: But how will they insure their daintiness? Oh, right.
Merbear: Have no idea what they do, but those things don’t get hairless themselves.
Alice: True. Hey, no greasy aftereffect! That’s a relief.
Merbear: No, just broken skin. A bit of inflamed tissue.
Alice: good thing it’s not caustic.
Merbear: I use Lysol to kill poop.
Alice: Speaking of, remember that time I had the hoo-ha issue and then I developed a split personality and started robbing convenience stores?
Merbear: Yes, those were troubling times in Wonderland.
Alice: I’m sure it’s in one of those posts way back when. I was so full of doubts and inhibitions before I started shooting disinfectants up my va-jay-jay.
Merbear: It IS preferred 3 to 1.
Alice: But by who? The woman? The man? You know maybe that’s why my ex dumped me – I never douched with Lysol. Damn.
Merbear: Well, go out an get a bottle, and when you are done you can disinfect your toilet. never neglect your lady bits.
Alice: Right. You should check those parts out daily. Play around. Make sure they’re functioning jussst right. Maybe try a brush.
Merbear: I would so not use that brush after searing my insides with Lysol.
Alice: No pain, no gain. You have to be there for your husband, Mer.
Merbear: Ah, you are right. He deserves a fresh lemon scented koochie.
Alice: I wonder if pine sol would work in a pinch. Do I want my koochie to smell like a pine forest?
Merbear: Maybe there will be a unicorn sighting. Perhaps fresh picked cotton..
Alice: jump down, turn around, pick a bale of cotton!
Merbear: House of Pain. Poor Mildred and her hoohaa. Ghostly Mildred just didn’t have enough energy to fully manifest.
Alice: Yeah, but is it Mildred or ghost Mildred with the smelly um what word have we not used for vagina yet?
Mildred: I have bypassed a few, but I don’t think we used the holiest of holes.
Alice: Ah, that’s a good one
Merbear: Tinker either.
Alice: I wonder why she’s groping her breast. I mean, she really is.
Merbear: She likes boobs. Looks like Darren is not disturbed at all. They need names.
Alice: Yeah, I’m thinking he’s not taking time for a whiff when investigating her “down there.” Darren works well. He could be like three or four people at least.
Merbear: I mean, this seems to have been an awful scary plight for these woman, am I offensive, are the dishes clean, where are the kids. I mean, who needs that shit?
Alice: Kids . . . kids, eh. We’ll make new ones honey! Which is more disturbing a fishy smell or LEMON BLAST?
Merbear: Lemon fresh Mound of venus?
Alice: No, her flower. He put his stem in her pollen
Merbear: My husband said Venus Mantrap.
Alice: ooh that’s a good one. Will have to look up romance books. They have all the good terms.
Hey, once I accidentally sprayed my hair with lysol. True story. It was by the hairspray.
Merbear: Did it make things stiff?
Alice: It wasn’t stiff. I sure did smell weird, though. People were like, sniff, what IS that?
Merbear: You smell so germ free!
Alice: My brother laughed hysterically. I was still a teenager.
Merbear: I would have laughed myself and then sprayed myself too so you didnt feel alone.
Lemony fresh Wonder Twins!
Alice: Wonder Twins activate – with Lysol! You know, other me has been cheating with my husband and I was mad but then I realized I could go watch TV in peace. God I’m glad I didn’t live back then – what year is that ad?
Merbear: its 1950’s
Alice: ah well of course. How did these women survive? Listerine on your head, up your hoo-ha, lysol all over the place. Honey, what are you doing with the cleaning products OMG
Merbear: I know, how fucked up is that? yet, also cost effective.
Alice: suddenly I’m thinking of those swiffer commercials. like the bowling ball falling in love with the broom. Just wtf.
Merbear: bleach is sexy.
Alice: does that mean the woman was having an affair with the broom before? Cause it says don’t worry he wont’ be alone . . .maybe she saw Mr. Clean in the floor and got all excited . . .took advantage of that poor broom
Merbear: OMG HOT!
Alice: Erotic kitchen fiction
Merbear: Oh, write some!
Alice: After 50 Shades, anything is possible.