Chipper Cheatin’ Songs III: Country Edition I

Once again I’ve got a post inspired by a loyal reader.  I love it when you guys give me ideas, since my brain is fairly porous as of late.   Fearless Leader left in the comments section of the last post a video of  “Your wife’s been cheatin’ on us again”, a song where a guy helpfully lets his best friend know that his wife is cheating on both of them.  Thanks for the heads up, buddy!

Wayne was just trying to help ya out, man.

Wayne was just trying to help ya out, man.

When you think of it, what genre is better for cheatin’ songs than Country?  There are just oodles of songs of redneck misery, generally involving a pickup truck, booze, prison, a dog, a woman (or man), and railroad tracks.  Sometimes they mix it around a bit.  A couple of my favorite songs from the 1990s come from Reba McEntire.  That’s pronounced Rrrrrrreeeeeba, in case you were wonderin’.  Anyway, it’s hard to beat Reba when you’re talking about scorned lovers.  She will get you.  She might take you to court, like in “Take it Back.”  To a jazzy rockin’ beat (warning, there’s saxophone involved!) Reba tells off her boyfriend, “You must think I’m blind and I don’t smell your new cologne.”  Yeah, I mean, she’s not blind, she can smell!  Wait . . . what?

Reba's hair alone is pretty threatening.

Reba’s hair alone is pretty threatening.

But Reba knows how to sing it where you have no doubt she’s gonna cut you if you screw with her.  She sings “I hate to steal your thunder, but your playin’ days are through.  At least they are for me cause babe I got no use for you!”  Yeah, sing it!  Everyone in court jump up and let down your hair, and some of your clothes, and jump up on the tables, and the judge’s desk, whoop!  I had no idea court was so much fun.  I totally should have become a lawyer and taken my ex-boyfriend to court.  Though I could have gone even farther, like Reba does in our next entry, and just blown him to smithereens, thus saving the middle man.  But first check out Reba at court.

 

Okay, so now we’re to the I blowed up my cheatin’ husband song.  This time Reba had a duet with Linda Davis, a lovely singer with slightly vacant eyes who plays her husband’s cheatin’ lover.  They sing about who the husband loves best.  The video is classic, I mean even before they get to the blowing up part.  When Reba and Linda (around 1:25) both hold that award, glance at each other, glance at the husband and he gets this “I just pooped myself” look on his face?  Priceless.  Also, (at 2:08), you gotta get a load of Reba’s – wtf is that on her head?  A hat?  A scarf?  Some sort of animal?  But the best is that little smile Reba gets just before the boat holding the lovers goes “kaboom!”  Lesson learned.  Don’t screw with Reeeeba, ‘kay?

I'm going to GET you girl - just as soon as I get this thing off my head.

I’m going to GET you girl – just as soon as I get this thing off my head.

But there are so many unanswered questions here.  Where did Reba get the bomb?  Do you have to know a guy for that?  It just came in a plain brown package – I see a lot of those.  I’d better be careful.  Did they catch her later?  Is she in the Hollywood wing of prison?  Why didn’t Reba and Linda get together and blow up the guy?  Is it because Linda looks so freaking cute in those short shorts on that boat?  That would do it for me.  No one has a right to look that good in short shorts.  You go, Reba. Here’s the video.  It’s a real hoot.

 

Now that’s just a drop in the ole country bucket of cheatin’ songs.  Any others you’d like me to give the Reeeba treatment to?  Let me know in the comments below!

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35 responses

  1. I see I’ve missed out on a lot by avoiding country music over the years. But I didn’t miss out on the big hair. Luckily, that was ubiquitous.

    1. Oh, yes. I mostly like the country artists who are what they call “crossover”. As in their music has just enough rock and little enough twang that it can crossover into normal music. I.e. Rrrreba. I love her big hair. It’s like it’s got a life of its own. Don’t mess with Reba’s hair!

  2. I used to rock my bedroom to “Take it back.” Reba was, like my red haired kick ass hero.

    1. She was. She has more “don’t you mess with me” songs, rivaled only by that Carrie Underwood song about beating the shit out of her husband’s fancy car. I know what’s next!

      1. Oh yeah, I don’t much follow the current music these days, cause I am an old fart..but that was a neat song as far as hey dude you are an asshat songs go.

      2. Cap'n Deadbones | Reply

        Ah, yes. Cheating is an excellent, and legal, reason to vandalize someone’s car. I’m sure the judge will see it her way.

        1. She was kind of dumb to carve her name in his leather seats. Just in case he wasn’t sure it was her.

          1. Cap'n Deadbones

            That’s okay. She’ll further her revenge by sleeping with some dude whose last name she does not know.

          2. That will help. Still, why carve your name? If it’s parked at a seedy bar, how could they really pin it on her for sure, otherwise? Saying she’s smart enough to wear gloves when she . . . wait, why am I performing CSI on a country song?

          3. And you tell me not to over-analyze. :-b

          4. Cap'n Deadbones

            You watch too much TV.

          5. No I don’t, I’m on the Internet too much. Get my addictions right.

          6. Cap'n Deadbones

            Oh, shit. I was close, though.

          7. You can watch TV on Internet though, so you could end up with both addictions at the same time. And if you add in a drink, a smoke, and a fast food burger while you’re watching, you’ve got 5 for one.

          8. Cap'n Deadbones

            That’s a GREAT idea!

  3. Thanks for the Shout Out! I am happy to have “inspired” you. Were you drunk when this inspiration hit you? 🙂

    In a former life I was a Radio Guy and got to meet Reba on three different occasions. She as sweet and kind in person as she is on TV – a kind, wonderful lady with a big smile and a great sense of humor.

    And a dream to be a High Priced Hooker:

    1. That would be cool. Her show is not bad either, though why she puts up with so much is beyond me.

  4. Don’t forget the guys . “Two Piña Coladas”, “Friends in Low Places”, “Margaritaville”, and “Achy Breaky Heart” all come to mind. Pug, and that one by Garth Brooks about the trick driver plowing into his wife’s motel tryst, tools from the kids’ POV: “Mama’s in the Graveyard, Papa’s in the Pen”.

    1. Truck driver, not trick driver

      1. Oh, not pug. Stupid auto-correct

      2. Could be that too. Remember Fancy?

    2. I am impressed with your knowledge of awful Country music.

  5. That thing on her head was the bomb, handily wrapped in a scarf disguise for head-toting.

  6. Wow… I think an episode of “Cop Rock” broke out in that first video!

    1. That song kicks major Reba ass ES!!!

      1. It does! I actually liked it, and I’m no fan of country….

        1. That was back when country didn’t suck ass….now, I could sing country..

    2. Cop Rock! Yes! I cannot believe that show didn’t get another season. That was classic stupidity.

  7. Whenever I hear country music I wonder why that think accent carries and translates to their singing voices, you hear Australians and Irish singing and you can barely hear their accent.
    And also, who did/does their hair?
    I knew of Reba’s existence thanks to that show she had, but Jolene should be grateful it was Dolly’s man and not Reba’s the one she was taking.

    1. The “twang” is a necessary part of country music. Even if you don’t have a twang, you must insert one. I do notice accents in some singing. I KAHN’T take my eyes off of you, for instance. That’s CAN’T in American. Although they could also be trying to rhyme. The song she sang to me, the song she brang to me, etc.

  8. Not a cheating song, but a beautifully raunchy country song for your pleasure. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vWWyufIuVI4

  9. These people seem to have problems finding normal mates…

    1. They do. Maybe it’s cause they keep picking them up in Honky Tonk bars. Nah.

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