A Very Merry Interview with a Stormtrooper

Great news, sparkleponies!  The other day, I managed to corner Blunt Life Coach and score an interview!  If you don’t know who Blunt Life Coach (BLC) is, you need to check out twindaddy’s blog.  He’s just awesome is all, and, well, we sort of have like this romance going on with our alternate personalities.  But I don’t want to give away too much.  On with the interview!

image photoshopped esp for you by twindaddy

image photoshopped esp for you by twindaddy

Alice: So, BLC, how long have you been hangin’ out in TD’s body?

BLC: Too long. I can’t tell you for sure, because the mind blocks out tragedies for self-preservation purposes, but I started becoming very aware in the past year and asserting more of myself over that lame piece of shit.

Alice: Why do you think TD is lame? I think he’s nice.

BLC: He’s a pussy. He let’s people walk all over him. And he…loves people. Fuck that.

Alice: Ah, good point. People are highly overrated. How do you handle being the hotter half of TD?

BLC: With grace and dignity. Plus, he’s a loser so I don’t have to worry about it.

Alice: Because you are hot.

BLC: You’re being weird again. What’s wrong with you?

Alice: I’m mad, why do you ask? Moving on. What do you do while you are actively controlling TD’s body?

BLC: Insult inferior people, which is almost everybody. It’s why I took up an advice column. With great intelligence comes great responsibility. I feel it is my duty to try to educate idiots.

Alice: And you do it so well. Could you educate me?

BLC: You’re mad, I don’t think there’s any hope for you.

Alice: Sure there is. I might need discipline. Got a paddle?

BLC: I have a blaster. And it’s not set on stun.  Hint, hint.

Alice: Oooh, that’s an impressive blaster there. Where do you get all your cool storm trooper gear?

BLC: It’s standard issue. Is there a more competent interrogator somewhere? These questions suck.

Alice: Oh, I thought it was Pier One. Nevermind! What date would you like to set the wedding? Does Darth Vadar officiate for weddings?

BLC: *waves hand* This isn’t the trooper you’re looking for.

Alice: Hmm, you’re right, Wonderland would be a better choice of venue. The Queen of Hearts could do the honors. Watch out for you head. Oh – the interview. Um, do you have any family BLC?

BLC: Wonder what? No, I don’t have family. I’m a personality trapped in a fool’s body. How would I have a family.

Alice: He might have a family of voices in his head. It could happen. Don’t you worry, though, we’ll have lots of babies. At least a dozen.

BLC: Twindaddy is finished having children, and this is one thing we agree on. Besides, I’m in HIS body and don’t forget you’d have to do….that.  Wait. Why am I even discussing this? Go away. You’re a freak.

Alice: Why, thank you! I guess that’s all the questions I have for today. Except – when are you going to post another advice column? There are so many stupid people out there. They need your help.

BLC: Every time I try Twindaddy gets drunk and I lose my focus. The little fucker is getting adept at thwarting me again.

Alice: Well, keep at it, trooper. The world needs you.

BLC: Whoa. You’re being…not freaky. I’m not sure how to respond to that.

At this point, BLC made a break for it.  I will catch him later.  Mwah!  Anyway, let’s hope he comes back to stuphblog soon.  You have questions?  He’ll have answers.  If he ever stops running.

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23 responses

  1. Ha! He ran away bc one of those voices in his head is saying that he has a crush on you, too. He will be back.

      1. Alice,
        You also think you see and invisible cat. I’m sure we’ll all take you at your word.
        Blunt Life Coach

    1. Jaded,
      I used to respect you, but comments such as this show a diminished intelligence.
      Blunt Life Coach

      1. No diminished intelligence. You paid her a semi compliment, freaked out and ran away…

        1. Jaded,
          That was no compliment. It was an observation. And don’t believe everything you read. I run from no one. Including this psycho.
          Blunt Life Coach

  2. I wish he’d go away…

    1. Maybe you should aim your blaster at . . . wait, bad idea. I think you’re doing pretty well, though, keeping him down. Don’t you?

      1. Well enough, I suppose.

      2. It worked out okay in Fight Club… I think…

        1. Um…just what are you suggesting??

          1. Suggesting? Nothing.
            Merely making an observation about a movie.
            Hmm… do you think Brad Pitt would play the role of BLC in the Stuph movie?

          2. Well, the only time I saw that movie I was so drunk that I can recall nothing about it.

            Brad Pitt would have to play both of us since we occupy the same body and I’m not sure he’d reduce himself to my level.

          3. Ah, well, you really should watch it again… without being drunk.
            It’s twisted and warped and a fine flick all the same.

          4. Perhaps I will someday, but what is this “not being drunk” business? I’m not sure I understand.

          5. Hmm. Interesting. Now that I think about it, I don’t understand either. Please disregard all previous comments.
            Let’s drink!

          6. Woooooooot! I’m down!

          7. I’m definitely down then.

  3. “I feel it is my duty to try to educate idiots.”—Sadly, that is a job that may never see completion…

    As for the paddle statement, Alice? You seem to be getting dangerously close to 50 Shades territory… 😉

    1. Possibly. I lose my head when I see that armor!

  4. This made me laugh. You guys are hilarious!

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