Introducing . . . .Sparklepony Wars!

Greetings, Sparkleponies.  After announcing that I would give everyone more time on my illustrious contest, I got several entries in over the weekend.  Thanks so much for your participation!  Today I’ll give you links to some awesome posts in celebration of Sparky, but first a word from Sparky himself.



Yo, homies, Sparks has entered the building.  You can all relax.  Autographs later.  None on the buns, hun.

Alice handed me the stack of entries and wow I was so not impressed, but then, who can be as awesome as I am, right?  Still there is that . . . thing she’s offering and I’m going to have to choose a winner.  I think I’d rather give more tips first, this time about the comments section.  Yeah, no, Alice is not getting her post back.

Be sure and make everything, I don’t care what it is, into a political argument.  For instance: Blogger says “My grandma died.”  You would then say “It’s all Obama’s fault.”  See, simple.

Post anonymously.  That way you can say really Jerky stuff and no one will know who to blame.  Bonus points if the blogger blames the wrong person.

Get into a fight with another commenter about some random word you disagree with in the post.  Keep at it.  Never give up.  Never surrender.  Example: Corn is NOT a vegetable and I will not rest until you accept that!

Okay, that’s all the wisdom I could poop out for now.  Let’s get to our contestants.  Yawn.

First up djmatticus.  This guy thinks he is a jester in some mythical kingdom, yet his wife is a queen and his son is a prince.  His wife must have really strange tastes to go for the jester.  I wonder if the king knows.  Anyhoo, I have to admire this guy’s suction power.  We’re talking Hoover here.  Also he made up a pointless award with an applesauce jar and tons of stupid rules.  Alice actually participated in it.  She has no life.  Anyway, I like this dj, even if he lied and is not, in fact, a real D.J.  I need some tunes, fo shizzle.

I eat awesomesauce for breakfast every morning.

I eat awesomesauce for breakfast every morning.

Next is dranoman, oh wait, draliman.  Eh, whatever.  This guy knows how to properly suck up.  Compliment the kids.  Moms, like Alice, are total suckers for that junk.  He even made her Things their own badge.  Well played man, well played.  Here’s the badge in case you have yard apes of your own.


How about the awful kids award? Where’s that one?

Okay, next is . . . wait, that’s a dog.  We’ve got a dog entering the contest now?  Yes?  Oh, whatever.  Okay, so next up is easyweimeraner.  What can I say about this blogger?  Cute doggy.  Goood doggy.  No, that’s my butt, not a chew toy!  Uh, anyway, he had to have his human write the post because paws, you know, and wow his owner is clueless.  Thought my name was Spanky.  Do I look like one of the Little Rascals?  Jeez.  But doggy did show lots of pictures of himself (are you a he, doggy? I’m not sure and I’m not checking.) which is very sparkyish.  Good job!  Have a biscuit!

Good one, doggie.  I like it.

Good one, doggie. I like it.

And now we have . . . okay wait a minute.  First a dog and now a squirrel?  What the hey with the animal friends, Alice?  I thought that was Snow White’s gig.  Sigh.  Next contestant is evilsquirrel.  Well, for a squirrel, he’s pretty dang cool.  Not only did he make a picture of me being loved on by really hot squirrel girls (you know, for squirrels) but he also stole one of Alice’s pictures to make an award.  I want this guy on my paintball team.  Check out his award, which he bestowed upon some Merbear (don’t ask me what that is, I don’t even want to deal with . . .)

Using Alice's lame-o drawing for a lame-o award.  Brilliance right there.  Brilliance.

Using Alice’s lame-o drawing for a lame-o award. Brilliance right there. Brilliance.

Our next contestant!  Merbear!  Half bear, half mermaid, she’s all goofy.  Alice calls her Wonder Twin because she thinks they are superheroes.  They want to be two of the lamest superheroes in comic book history, but whatever.  She made most of the post about her own award, which I thought totally rocked.  She cried on a dumpster dive record and got people to compete for it.  With haikus.  And they did.  Bloggers will do anything.  Remember that.

Imagine this with mold - wow.

Imagine this with mold – wow.

Okay, now the last contestant (for now ) is twindaddy.  I’m guessing that means he’s a daddy of twins.  I’m a GENIUS.  This guy has this other personality he talks to, which is totally weird.  Like, who does that?  And this other personality wrote a post totally dissing the Sparkster here.  That takes gall.  I admire that.  He thinks he’s coming after me, but I’m not worried.  My butt has sparks, sparks, sparks, sparks, sparks to light the world.  Dude even put a crown on his head.  That crown would fit me beautifully.  It clashes with his armor.

Silly stormtrooper, crowns are for meee!

Silly stormtrooper, crowns are for meee!

Well that’s all the contestants for now.  But THERE IS STILL TIME.  Alice wants me to stress this.  You can still enter the contest by making a post sounding as much like me, King of the Blogosphere, as possible.  She’s a little unstable, so you guys might want to play along.  I mean, who knows what she’ll do.  Remember, this is what’s at stake.

Yeah.  Um.  This!

Yeah. Um. This!

Good luck,


36 responses

  1. Sparky,
    Show yourself, you pretentious lightening bug. That crown is for me only.
    Blunt Life Coach

    1. Blunt Life Coach,

      It fits me better, trooper. Go back to shining Darth Vadar’s boots.


      1. Sparky,
        That light bulb you have for an ass is going to be broken by my boot. How do you even poop out of a light bulb? Freak.
        Blunt Life Coach

        1. BLButt,

          I poop out sparks, duh. And you’re the freak, freak.


          1. Sparky,
            That is quite possibly the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard. Today. Moron.
            Blunt Life Coach

  2. Yay! May the best blogger (i.e. me) win 🙂

    I’m quite enjoying being all egotistical and obnoxious. I can feel my personality changing, changing…

        1. Kidding! 😀 If you put happy face after, you can say anything!

  3. LOL, BLC calls it a crown but it is really a hat.

  4. I am having a fucking identity crisis. Am I a mermaid, a bear, or a super hero?

    1. Why you can be all of this and more, my friend!

  5. Since I’ve recently come out as a brony, I really should get on this.

    1. You really should. Then you can have a contest and offer a blinged up G.I. Joe or something. You know I’d go for it.

      1. Hmm…this sounds interesting, but reeks of effort I’d have to make.

  6. There’s no need for further participants, don’t waste your time, I am already assured of victory. Why? Because I’m the most awesomesauce one here. Because I’m the ruler of the blogosphere. Because while the rest of your were posturing and thinking of clever things to say, the Jester crept in and stole the crown!
    (And, I am a real DJ! I even posted one of my sets to YouTube, and blogged about it (self promotion, duh). Sheesh, get with it.)

    1. You are a real DJ? My bad. I was following one of Sparky’s rules there – don’t read the posts. D’oh.

      1. Hahaha, I’d forgive you, but that wouldn’t be very Sparky of me, so instead, I shall verbally punish you:
        Bad, Alice, bad. Now go to your room. No dinner. No cookies. No TV.

    2. DJ Matticus, I think you’d win the comment contest – if there were a comment contest.

      1. X, Listed – There is a contest for everything! *insert evil grin* Muahahahahahahah

        1. You need to make one up soon. I will totally compete because I do that. Doesn’t matter what it is.

          1. A Kingdom hosted contest?
            Too predictable…
            Hmmm… or is it?
            I’ll have to get back to you after I’m done winning the best comment contest!

  7. Hey Sparky! Hope you were up to date on your shots. Those squirrel girls are known to share a lot more than just a ton of furry love….

    1. NOW you tell me. Gotta go screw in a new lightbulb.

      1. Make it a compact fluorescent this time, Sparkster. I hear they give you more stamina than an incandescent…

  8. Sparky,
    You rock.
    Your friend, The Hook.

    1. Hook,
      You be smart, man.

  9. […] Queen of the Interwebz, no other than aliceatwonderland declared a Sparklepony war. What’s that, you ask? Does it matter? It has the words ‘sparkle’ (sparkle! Sparkle! SO MUCH SPARKLE!) and […]

  10. Darn, I’ve been forcing myself to behave and think like a dk (literally) for the twitter account of Anthony Weiner’ wiener. It’s really exhausting, and the fact that several bloggers found it in them to write whole posts in that manner gives me hope, and gives me the much needed role models to look up to.

    1. I have to figure out my twitter mess and get back on there. I want to know about Anthony Wiener’s wiener!

      1. There is a post on my blog on that, and there is a Twitter account, but since Weiner lost his election last week, I don’t think I’ll be playing with his wiener any longer.

        1. That’s probably a good thing.

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