Alice’s Plan for World Domination (and some contest winners!)

Hi, it's me, Alice!

Hi, it’s me, Alice!

That’s right.  I’m totally Alice.  And um, this is like my blog and all of you are followers of ME, yes ME Spar . . . um, Alice!

Anyway, I am super excited about all of you who agreed to become my minions er I mean that entered Alice’s uh my contest to win the Sparkly Poneh of Wonder!   But you will get so much more just by entering!  You see we will not stop at sparkly ponehs. No, there are more sparkly doo-dads to be found, my friends.  You know those blog awards your peeps have but you don’t?  Well, they are all, ALL going to be ours – all the riches for us – yes, yes, even all the Freshly Pressed badges will all belong to me my precioussssssssssss!  I mean us!  How will we do it?  By taking over WordPress, of course!

You say it can’t be done?  Yes it can!  We just have to storm WordPress’s headquarters.  Well, you do, I’m going to sit on my lightbulb butt er my fair fanny.  I’m thinking we can send that dj guy in first.  He’ll distract all the editors with his suck uppiness while the rest of you guys can take over the site!  There may be casualties, but it’s for a greater cause.  Me.

Okay, once we’ve got the Death Star secure, we just have to work on the rest of the blogosphere.  WordPress is totally the leading blog site, so all we have to do is get everyone to come here by informing them that Blogger, Tumblr, Linked-In (does anyone actually use that) and everything else sucks monkey brains.  They will appreciate us so much for freeing them from crappy blogging platforms that they will obey our every command!

Then from there it’s easy peasy to take over the entire earth.  ALL the Xboxes on the planet will be ours to play with, you guyz.  Are you confused?  Don’t worry, I have this handy chart here . . . somewhere . . .

Wait a second . . .

Wait a second . . .

That’s not my evil domination chart!  That’s a xeroxed copy of Squirrel’s butt!  Hey!



That’s it, you little rat, give me back my plans!

You mean the plans he just ate?  Wait a day or so and you'll get them back.

You mean the plans he just ate? Wait a day or so and you’ll get them back.

What?  What???  My secret plans!  Are you ready for a fight, Pony?

Fight me and I'll sit on you.

Fight me and I’ll sit on you.

Oh.  Oh, uh, no, don’t do that.  You wouldn’t do that to Alice your old pal, would you?

You aren't Alice, you are Sparky and you won't win cause we will defeat you with the power of goodness and Xerox machines and Oreo cookies so watch out!

You aren’t Alice!  Your clever disguise does not fool me you are Sparky and you won’t win cause we will defeat you with the power of goodness and Xerox machines and Oreo cookies so watch out!  Sad Pony, take off the wig and dress!

It is Sparky.  What a surprise.

It is Sparky. What a surprise.

You meddling animals!  You haven't seen the last of me!!!

You meddling animals! You haven’t seen the last of me!!!

Hello, real Alice here now.  Wow, that was close.  Thank goodness my little furry friends were there for me.  It shows they really care.

We hate you marginally less than Sparky.

We hate you marginally less than Sparky.

Close enough.  For those of you taken in by Sparky’s plot, as I was, do not feel bad.  It happens to all of us.  Still, I’d like to congratulate our winner, of the coveted Sparkleponeh and a raccoon sticker from Goldfish’s shop,  EvilSquirrel!  He was chosen using a complex system created by the Things consisting of checking off Sparky attributes (he had the most, maybe?).  He also received bonus points for stealing a picture from my blog to make his own award and for his awesome Bond-ish squirrel drawing.  Of course all our contestants did an outstanding job and it was still really hard to choose.  Thanks so much for entering, my awesome peeps!

THIS.  He gets . . . THIS!  And a sticker!

THIS. He gets . . . THIS! And a sticker!

But it seems like there should be something more . . . a second prize, which in keeping with Wonderland tradition will be greater than the first prize.  And here it is . . . stickers of my two blog defenders, Sad Pony and Squirrel!  These fab pictures of my dynamic duo were created by Goldfish, whose store I will once again promote – she has Halloween stuff there now, guys!  Cute freaking ghosties!

Sad Pony and Squirrel - my heroes!  In stickers!

Sad Pony and Squirrel!

The second place winner is djmatticus, narrowly edging out the others based on bonus points for sheer unadulterated enthusiasm. Congrats!  If the winners will email me their addresses, I will send out their prizes ASAP!  Thanks again all of you for playing along and for being awesome and very unsparkiesh followers.

The Real Alice (accept no substitutes)

Wait, this is the prize?  What kind of a contest IS this?

Wait, this is the prize? What kind of a contest IS this?

28 responses

  1. Good for ES and DJ. Boo for me.

  2. Oh yes!!!! I have the Sparky in me!!! Hmmm, I wonder if that’s a good thing or a bad thing? I’d like to thank the academy, Alice, the Things, Squirrel and Sad Poneh, Boppo the Assclown, King Limpy, Rainbow Donkey, and all of the little people out there! I couldn’t have done this without you! Well, OK, I could have, but Sparky says sometimes it’s good form to act a little bit appreciative….

    Seriously, the competition was fierce, and I’m lucky to have emerged victorious! I will treasure the spoils of victory, and laugh at the irony that i didn’t win the squirrel sticker….

    Thanks Alice for the fun contest! I had a lot of fun letting my Sparky run wild!

    1. Thanks for playing! Just email me at and give me your address, your SSN, your driver’s license, and your checking account number. Kidding. Just the address will do. Sparklepony will be on its way!

      1. Oops, I don’t know my own email. Duh-er. Congrats again.

  3. Congrats ES and DJ!

  4. He paid for the win, I just KNOW it. This contest was a sham! Wait…he won a bedazzled poneh? Bwahahahahaha…never mind.

    1. Your jealousy is unbecoming, TD. 😀

      1. It’s actually QUITE becoming…I laugh at ES’s “prize.”

        1. It is the most fabulous poneh in all the land. AND there is a raccoon sticker from GF. WOOOOTS.

          1. Oh…well that IS cool because GoldFish.

        2. Alice didn’t mention that included with the Sparklepony grand prize, I also won a lifetime supply of chileh. Take THAT! Bwahahaha….

  5. Congrats to Squirrel and Matticus. Without going back to actually read what they wrote, I can still say with some confidence that they deserved this honor.

  6. Damn! I didn’t win!

    Oh, that’s right. I procrastinated so hard that I forgot to enter. At least I contributed to the prizes. That’s something. I think. 🙂

    1. It’s a very good something! I love my Sad Pony and Squirrel so I got extras for someone else to enjoy too!

  7. Muahahahahahah
    Mauahahahahahahahahahahahahah …. wait… second?
    That doesn’t compute. Brain frying. Oh dear… can everyone else smell that… sort of baconish… sort of like the jester after a rowdy show that ended with everyone dumping their flagons on him… You know, THAT smell.

    1. Sad Pony and Squirrel! Don’t they smell better? 😀

        1. send me your email and I’ll ship them to you – I can shove them in an envelope – pretty good for a pony and s squirrel.

          1. Email sent… I think.
            But, here it is again for good measure:

            Thanks for putting together such a super awesome sparky contest.

  8. Congratulations to the winner Evil Squirrel, but, honestly, I think the contest was rigged. The Squirrel who was on the jury should have recused himself.

    1. I have never known a squirrel who has recused himself from involvement in any shady activity…

      1. Yeah, me neither. This whole damn country is going down the drain because of squirrels not recusing themselves.

  9. You may have beaten me this time, ES, but I shall be back, oh yes, I shall be back bwahahahahaha.
    I shall repair directly to my extinct volcano with the sliding doors to formulate my next plan of conquest bwahaha… etc.

  10. […] know what awesomesauce really is!), then you don’t know that I paid the biggest bribe emerged victorious and triumphant with the top prize for my wonderful tribute to my own ego Sparky-like bloggers.  The grand prize […]

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