My Nervous Breakdown

Thing One has had a hacking cough that’s been going on for the last six years, er weeks and has not abated.  It goes like this HACK HACK HAAAAAACK HACKHACKHACK HAAAAAAAACK.  As delightful and not at all grating on the nerves as it is to hear, I can only imagine how fun it is to actually have the cough that annoys teachers and students both but which you have absolutely no control over because CONGRATS you won the genetic lottery and got Mommy’s allergies.  In two more weeks we’ll get a test telling us what we already know, ie that she has allergies, and she will probably still have the cough.  This morning she had the cough.  She took a breathing treatment.  She still hacked her way to school.

Thing Two has snaggle teeth.  Her grandfather is very obsessed with her snaggle teeth to the point of telling me I need to get her an orthodontist roughly every five freaking minutes.  Yes, I know.  What I don’t know is how I’m going to pay for it.  He’s afraid people will make fun of her teeth.  One kid noted that her tooth was crooked.  Thing Two said, “You just now noticed that?”  She has said appointment this afternoon and her grandfather is taking her and as far as I’m concerned, if he wants to chip in for that orthodontist to torture my kid for a few years, I am more than willing to LET HIM.  This morning’s daily Thing Two emergency was a missing hat and it is Red Ribbon Anti-drug Week and as we were walking out the door SHE NEEDED A HAT DID I NOT UNDERSTAND THIS?

The same grandfather called me just this morning to inform me that Thing Two was in trouble with her teacher for me not going to her parent /teacher conference which you know she told me about THE MORNING OF THE CONFERENCE.  So I didn’t go, because this was one of those stupid conferences they have just because not because your kid actually did something bad (which is kind of miraculous considering) but honestly, I have this little thing called WORK and with everyone being SICK it’s hard to have time off to go to something that is POINTLESS.  But I was polite about it in the note in which I instructed the teacher to go hit up the kid’s father.

Thing One was making noise getting ice out of the freezer this morning and I finally was like WHAT ARE YOU DOING and she said oh someone left the door to the freezer open so the stuff in the freezer had melted so she was getting ice to keep her lunch cold.  The stuff in the freezer had all melted.  Hundreds of dollars of food . . . it was still cold.  Wonder if I can risk food poisoning and just refreeze it.  People refry beans, right?

You know it’s going to be a good day when all three females in the house are crying before 8 AM.  I’m trying to pencil in a good time for my nervous breakdown, but I can’t seem to find an opening.  I’ll get back to you.

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32 responses

  1. WOW,,now I feel so much better about how my day is going 😉

    1. On the plus side, since this morning my day has only been able to go up . . . well, so far.

  2. I tried to put a picture of Goatacus on a horse in a comment for you but I seem to be comment challenged and don’t know how to make that work.

    1. It is the thought of Goatacus that counts. 😀

  3. {{{{{{{{HUG}}}}}}}}}}}

    1. Thank you. Hugs back at ya.

  4. The food is likely still okay. Just try one small thing. If it makes you sick, then you probably want to toss it out. Otherwise, GAME ON.

    1. You subscribe to the 5 second rule, right? Me too.

      1. I subscribe to the 5 minute rule…

        Also I might, maybe still have been drinking milk yesterday that *expired* oct 18… and I’m fine! So I’m sure your food is fine too!! =D

  5. Hmmm… I feel less like complaining now 😉

    1. I’m sure life will hand you something soon, don’t worry!

      1. Truer words were never spoken…

  6. Blimey. Guess my day is going OK after all.
    I hope it all calms down for you soon.

    1. Thanks, it mostly has . . . SO FAR. Dropping the Things off helps considerably.

  7. Just another day in Wonderland, eh, Alice? 😉 Bless you!

    1. Yes, everyday is Wonderland. It’s my Unbirthday and no presents for me! Will it never end?

      1. *wrapping a box of anti-depressants as an UNBirthday present for Alice* – changing my mind –

        *wrapping a bottle of moonshine as an UNBirthday present for Alice*

        *singing*: Down with the shine, the perfect shine, that poisons the well and ruins my mind I get took for a ride every time … down with the glistening ‘shine! (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CmvNsGgonEQ) 😀

  8. Holy fucking flying squirrels wearing jet packs – that sounds like the definition of HELL. Hope it gets better. But really, barring blood loss on someone’s part, it can’t possibly get worse.

    1. The image of holy fucking flying squirrels in jet packs was enough to make me smile right there. 😀

  9. I am sorry. I think Mental Mama got the description of it about right… I’m just here to jump on the “I’d still eat the food!” bandwagon of… 2.

    1. Hey, I have two votes of support. Keepin’ the food.

      1. Three. But you probably shouldn’t count mine, since I treat food expiration dates merely as suggestions.

  10. Sympathy hugs from me too. I have no Things of my own, so I never had to deal with more than one or two emergencies at once. (Also, I’m trying to keep you busy with more comments so that you’ll never find the time for a breakdown – or when you do, the emergencies are gone and a breakdown is no longer necessary.)

    1. Thanks for the help. I am so behind in comments now . . . people will say wtf when I answer them.

  11. Heck I am a little frazzled just reading… lol Hang in there. I can relate, although those days are behind me now. 🙂

    1. I was so glad to have the toddler days behind me . . .

  12. Yikes, that’s not what you need. At least there’s one positive out of this. You know that The Things are definitely your kids and not changelings.

  13. Almost leaving the hat behind during Red Ribbon Anti-drug week?! Definitely unforgivable… ^.^

    1. You may be Thing Two’s kindred spirit.

      1. I do tend to have the spirit of people 1/4 my age… maybe 1/5 my age… haha

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