I Write the Posts . . .

I write the posts that make my readers cringe

I write the posts that say goooofy things . . .

Oh, hello there, just channeling my inner Barry Manilow.  Occasionally I throw him up.  I bet you didn’t know how poetical I can be.  Well, first off I’m an English major (no, seriously) even though I just ended a sentence back there with a preposition (I can name you 50 of those.  There’s no point, but an English teacher made us memorize them in 7th grade).  I also have troubles with commas and semicolons and occasionally I will write a run on sentence and forget hyphens but really who cares about doing that or using multiple “ly” adverbs cause it’s totally my blog.  Where was I?

poetry 2

Stay with us, Alice

Poetics!  Right.  Did you know that according to that writer generator everyone’s been talking about I write like Stephen King?  Scary, huh?  Or possibly this dude I don’t recognize.  But my favorite match was William Shakespeare.  The Great Bard himself, of course!  Forsooth, verily we art alike and crapeth.  You don’t believe me?  Well, I was just talking with some peeps about growing my blog the other day and they said peeps like them some poetry.  I can totally rock with that.  I wrote poetry back when I was in elementary school.  Sadly my parents did not save it, which is a shame because I’m sure I was the ultimate prodigy there.

We're practically twins, Will and I.

We’re practically twins, Will and I.

Back when I went to church, I was at some ladies retreat thing.  For some reason they wanted us to write a poem.  The others in my group found out I was an English major, so obviously I would know poetry, right?  Here is the poem I wrote:

Roses are Red

Violets are Blue

Jesus is Great

And so are You

They didn’t ask me to write a poem again, for some reason.  But I just know I have a spark of genius in me, some bit of Longfellow, or Frost, or Seuss.  Okay, here goes.

Children are angels

Who fell from Heaven

And into Hell

The Things will just love the sentiment in this one, I’m sure.  But there’s something wrong.  Oh, I know – I didn’t make it rhyme!  While I have read some really great free verse poetry from my fellow bloggers, I have also known quite a few people who thought free verse was an excuse to write really bad prose in a fancy way.  I like rhymes.  Most of the time.

If you write it pretty and put a flower on it, it is automatically good.

If you write it pretty and put a flower on it, the poem is automatically good.

It’s hard to make a living as a poet.  Unless you do something like write greeting cards.  I could totally do that.  Along the same thread, here’s my greeting card for expectant mothers.

You’re having a baby

A treasure to keep

You’ll change lots of nappies

And you’ll never sleep.

I know, such untapped potential!  You will notice that not only did my poem rhyme this time, but I used a British word for diapers – nappies.  Anything British automatically makes you sound like an intellectual.  Now I can go to book stores and do poetry slams and wear berets and sip fru-fru coffee and spout my theories about life.

So I ask you – are you a poet and don’t know it (it never ends, the genius)?  Or do you know it?  Who is your favorite poet?

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69 responses

  1. I don’t usually read poetry with TD and some of his cronies being the exception. But growing up, I was totally fascinated with Edgar Allan Poe.

    1. I have cronies? Why wasn’t I aware of this? Alice! Organize my cronies! We have some mischief to commit!

      1. Those people you collab with. 🙂

        1. Do they know they’re my cronies? I’m feeling all gangsta right now.

          1. I don’t think they do. Maybe you should lay the law on them. Tell ’em what’s up.

          2. Indeed. It’s time to smack some bitchez up.

          3. Thanks for the Prodigy earworm. (smack my bitch up)

          4. *bows* You’re welcome.

          5. Haha, ass. 🙂

          6. Yo, you guys, like, get a room. 😀

          7. Hey! Round up my cronies!

    2. Quoth the Raven, Nevermore. I like his poetry too – it’s very lyrical and I love the way the words have motion and zomg I just got deep for a minute. It’s good stuff.

      1. My favorite is Annabell Lee. So romantic and haunting at the same time.

  2. My fav poet is Charles Bukowski, his writing was like a relegion for me as I was a teen. Sadly my parents were no fans of the “Bukowskism” and of a guy who looked drunken in dirty underwear out of his window :o)

    1. True genius can be measured in drunkenness and dirty underwear.

      1. I will tell this to my grampy, because he threw Charles in the trash can. what a philistine :o)

  3. I fancy myself a poet. How good I am is up for debate. I like writing poetry way more than I like reading it, though, which is weird. I’m also anal about my poetry. I prefer that it rhymes somehow and I sometimes share the thoughts you expressed about free-verse poetry.

    All that being said, your poetry skillz kick ass, and you should totes do some more.

    1. I like writing fiction more than I do reading it. I don’t read that much poetry. Shel Silverstein really rocks though (I cannot go to school today said little Peggy Ann McKay) and of course Seuss (Would you, could you, with a goat?).

      I shall have to write a poem about kicking ass, I think.

      1. Speaking of fiction…you haven’t posted any new chapters in a while. Slacker…

        1. I will have to get back to that . . .

          1. Yeah! The suspense is killing me!

  4. I am most definitely not a poet, nor do I have a favorite one. Well, until today, that is. After all, your poetry is lyrical. It has stunned me into silence…

    1. Why, thank you. My poetry often has a way of doing that.

  5. Alfred Lord Tennyson is my favorite. I am not particularly original there, also I like Keats and Frost. You have to be careful with British English, your youngest child may loudly announce in Target that the rubbers your oldest child has been looking for are right next to her favorite thongs… I bet you have never heard a 13 year old yell: “Flip flops and galoshes for the love of God. Flips flops and galoshes!” and a “Mom can’t you shut her up!” and “Why are you laughing?!” at the top of her demure voice right before smacking said little sister! SO sometimes things in British English just make you sound like a tart or a really, really bad parent! That whole trousers thing….yikes and that guy is in line to be KING!

    1. I can’t imagine your precious E adopting the British language temporarily to annoy her sister! I do remember when she decided she could speak Spanish by adding an “o” to the end of every word. Her brother about came unglued that time. Lol.

  6. I cannot write poetry to save my life. I do like the works of Edgar Allan Poe, Theodor Geisel and Shel Silverstein.

    1. Those are my three favorites too! I wonder if that Stout girl ever took the garbage out.

    2. I think most people are at the very least closet fans of those three, or at least two of them. I actually used those names in a presentation I had to do about “most influential poets”, whatever that is supposed to mean. Whether or not Geisel or Silverstein were exceptional poets or not is open for much debate. However, the two of them continue to make poetry accessible for people of all ages, and actually foster enjoyment of it.

  7. Alice, please refraineth frometh making me laugheth outloud at worketh. (Your poem about kids did the trick. :))

    1. Just found out a coworker is expecting her second and it was hard not to deliver such a card to her. Bwahahahahaha.

  8. According to the writers thing I’m the reincarnation of J.D. Salinger, which makes total sense, we both grew up in NYC, that’s about it.
    I like you poetry, Roses and Jesus in a poem should close the deal for any writer, what else could you ask for?
    I’m a poet, probably the best, not wanting to look on other writers in here.
    I wrote this poem for mother’s day:

    They get morning sickness
    They get stretch marks
    They gain at least 10 pounds
    Just for carrying our ass

    Then come the contractions
    1, 2, 3 pushes not enough
    Epidural must come into action
    12lbs baby and it’s not a bluff
    Good bye to your Barbie complexion
    Say hello to a beautiful C-Section

    We crap, pee and barf on them
    We sleep at day and cry all night long
    By month 2 they all develop REM
    A condition that’ll last all lifelong

    I was a 12lbs monster
    That at thirteen
    Would take my mom on roller-coaster
    Just to see her go all shades of green

    That’s motherly love alright
    And for that you should call your mother tonight

    My favorite poet is a woman, she’s not known at all, I met her a few years ago in Honduras. She suffered abuse all her life, she’s an alcoholic, she sleeps on the streets when she drinks too much, her name is Juana Pavon, they call her Juana La Loca, she’s a genius. Her poetry is not sad, but it clearly reflects her life. Society criticism at its best.

    1. Your poem is awesomesauce. Thanks to my birth stories, Thing One has determined she is never going through that. Great birth control!

  9. I write my wife a poem every year on Valetine’s Day. I don’t think I’m in any danger of becoming the next Frost though.

    1. Aw, that’s sweet. My husband wrote me poetry when we were dating. It was not exactly literary (he’s a mechanic) but it was mine so I loved it.

  10. I never got poems,,and I don’t read them,,,just don’t get em.

    1. I admit I don’t get a lot of poems, especially epic ones. Epic just means LONG and BORING half the time.

  11. *rifles through purse to find i-pod so she can GET. MANILOW. GONE!*

    1. To all the Ipods I’ve infected before . . . .

      1. Nice. But I was referring to my HEAD. One of the pitfalls of being a singer is not being able to get even suggested songs OUT. Replacement is the only cure. 🙂

  12. Poets get away with murder
    Breaking rules they learned in school
    While pushing language further

    Forget about the preposition
    They pick the rhyme most of the time
    They want their line to end on

    1. A poem to make every English teacher scream! 😀

  13. About time I come back and see you. Jesus really is great. Thanks for that.

    1. You’re welcome. I’ve heard good reports about the guy.

  14. Apparently, I write like Stephen King, too.

    I am not a poet and I definitely know it.

    1. I wonder if that Writer thingy is totally random or what? My writing can be horrifying, but not quite in the same way as King’s.

  15. I am my own fav poet…naw, just shitting you. Edgar Allen Poe, baby…quoth the raven..

    1. Ha, I love your poetry, WT. But I also love Poe. Very musical and stuphs.

  16. I think of myself as a poet, but I can’t stand fru-fru coffeh (last time I forgot the “h” WP locked me out, I refuse to chance it again!) . The peeps at Starbucks hate me, I like to go in there just to confuse them by asking for normal coffeh. 😀

    I love Edgar Allen Poe and Sylvia Plath. And e.e. cummings and Suess. I can’t pick a favorite … Eliot? This question is too hard …

    1. It is best to always add “h” just in case. Like bunneh, coffeh, kitteh. They keep talking about getting a cappuccino machine at the library where I work – I swear I’ll be running for the hills. No way am I serving fru fru coffee.

      1. Wha?! Fru fru library coffeh? That’s just not right!

  17. Wow, Alice, your poems are the bee’s knees!
    I sometimes try to write poems which don’t rhyme but they always end up rhyming. Go figure.
    I sometimes throw up to Barry Manilow too. Oh wait, that’s not quite what you wrote 🙂

    1. I write the songs that make the whole world hurrrl . . .

  18. You truly have untapped potential and should consider a poetry tour, in which you travel to cities with names that rhyme. I’d give you an example but I’m not that creative.

    1. I tried to think of two cities that rhymed but failed. My geography skills leave a lot to be desired.

  19. I am so bad at poetry. SO bad. I always wanted to go to a poetry slam though, just to see how long I could fake it and for all the coffee. COFFEE!

    1. If I went to one and they had one of those overdramatic, pretentious poets I would get kicked out for massive eye-rolling and expressions of “pfffft.”

  20. I’m not sure what this online quiz thingy is about reincarnated writers (and I’m too damn lazy to Google it right now). However, I am a poet, and yes, I know it. I’ve written poetry for the better part of 25 years now. Unfortunately, most of it is absolute garbage.

    I tend not to like free form poetry too much. I fall very firmly into the camp of thinking most of it is classified as poetry simply as an excuse so that it does not get labelled as horrid prose.

    Epic poetry can be, well epic. Or it can just suck because it never ends. Beowulf, Paradise Lost, The Divine Comedy, these are epic in the awesome sense. Unfortunately they are vastly outnumbered by those crap-tastic poems that just refuse to end.

    Since Shakespeare is one of my four or five favourite authors ever, I guess he is technically also my favourite poet. However, I actually prefer his poetic plays more than his sonnets (some of which are mind-blowingly good). For pure poetry, my fave is Eliot, followed very, very closely by Poe and Tennyson (with The Lady of Shallot probably being my all-time favourite poem). This has caused no small amount of grief at uni, since I am reminded daily that language has evolved since their time.

    Oh, and there is nothing wrong with a bit of British slipping in, it is quite different now, but it is still the language of the Bard, even if he used *gasp* they as a gender neutral singular pronoun (Take that you damn HS teaching snobs!)

    It occurs to me that this is awfully long for a post response. I should probably stop rambling now.

    1. I meant to post the link to that writer thingy – http://iwl.me/ I have a feeling it’s totally random, but who knows? I do like the Lady of Shallot. Anything Arthurian rocks.

      1. Well, I followed your link. It turns out it seems to think I write like Anne Rice. I think I can live with that. Now if only I could experience her level of authorial success. That would be even better.

  21. I’ve just sent it three different writings of mine.
    The first (which I don’t think I’ve posted) says I write like Stephanie Meyer. Probably because it’s fiction, written in 1st person, and involves a little light snogging.
    The second says I write like Douglas Adams. Again, this is a fiction piece, but not written in 1st person.
    The third piece says I write like HP Lovecraft. The text is a draft post about the vows taken by religious.

    As much as I would have liked to continue the first story, I think I’m now going to have to leave it well alone…

    1. Stephenie Meyer? Oh, no no no. Unless you mentioned topaz eyes and marble chest and sparkles roughly 5,000 times in that passage, that is totally unfair.

      1. No, I didn’t. I could even post the story and send you the link (as it won’t be on my regular blog but my writing blog) so you can see just how little eyes, chests and sparkles are mentioned.

  22. I gave up writing poetry in high school when I realized it wouldn’t help me get laid.

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