Letter to Holiday Paul

Last year I started a letter writing campaign to Santa.  It devolved faster than your average comment section on MSN, resulting in blackmail, un-friending, multiple lawsuits, North Pole code violations, threats of nuclear devastation and kidnapped reindeer.  It all turned out well because I got all those My Little Ponies I was never given as a child.  Thanks, Santa!  Considering I’m probably still on the naughty list, I figured I’d hit up a newer, better holiday joy bringer.  Holiday Paul!

'Ello, I'm Holiday Paul.

‘Ello, I’m Holiday Paul.

Who is Holiday Paul?  Oh, man, I can’t believe you asked that.  Merbear has a post about him on her blog.  He’s like the elf on the shelf, but not creepy, because he’s a Beatle, you see.  As in the band “The Beatles”, not the insect; don’t be ridiculous.  You might be wondering why I would write holiday wishes to a former member of a band.  Well now I’m telling you why!  Christmas time is here again so Holiday Paul is coming to town.  Listen up.

Holiday Paul was part of the Beatles and the Beatles were uber-famous and the first long haired freaky guys in the states!  Their hair was like over their collars!

Holiday Paul is totally a knight, which is pretty cool.

Holiday Paul flies his Yellow Submarine on a magical mystery tour every year to deliver gifts of joy and joyness to children around the world!  It’s a hard day’s night but someone has to do it.

This is like, way better than a sleigh, yo.

This is like, way better than a sleigh, yo.

Holiday Paul gets by with a little help from his friends – the elves who sang the background to Lennon’s “So This is Christmas” help him make the gifts.  Oh, you thought that was a children’s choir?  Silly people.

Holiday Paul has much better holiday songs than Santa, like “Let it Be” and “All You Need is Love” (he was just kiddin’ with that one) and “Help!” (possibly recorded when he was mobbed last year at Macy’s.)

Holiday Paul is freaking loaded.

I think those are great reasons (especially the last one) to write to Holiday Paul this Christmas.  So without further ado, here is my letter:

Holiday Paul in the early days, before he too declared war on Christmas

Holiday Paul in the early days, before he too declared war on Christmas

Dear Holiday Paul

Alice here.  I know you say you can’t buy me love, but I was thinking you could try anyway.  My list is really simple this year.  I want you to stop all the wars and the crime and the poverty and the Tea Partiers.  This would truly bring us Peace on Earth.  I know, it’s so unselfish of me, which is why I figure I can get away with asking for the next few items.

I want a million dollars.  I don’t really care if they’re marked or not, as long as they are spendable.  I’d also like a few more houses and here’s why.  I need one that my nine-year-old can live in with the lions, tigers and bears you give her as pets for Christmas.  Oh, and I’ll need a nanny to go with that.  I’d also like another house for my husband.  It could really just be an enormous shop with a bathroom in it.  He’d be happy as a lark.  My thirteen-year-old needs a house so that all that stuff she crams into her locker and backpack can spread out.  And that would leave me with my house, where I can rest comfortably.  Oh, yeah, we’ll need a maid for that also.  I don’t care what size he comes in – medium is fine.  I’d also like an Ear-Vac, just because.

I guess that’s all for now, Holiday Paul.  Thanks ever so much.

 P.S. Your version of “Twist and Shout” was totally the best.

Alice

Hey, have you guys got any wishes for Holiday Paul?  If so, feel free to write your own letters in a post linking back to Merbear, who first let me know the beauty of Holiday Paul!  I think it would make Holiday Paul and Merbear very happy.  Otherwise, just write down your wishes in the comments, and we’ll see if we can get to them.  Hint: Letters are way better.

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32 responses

  1. Holiday Paul has the granddaddy of all bow ties. Puts Doctor Who’s to shame.

    Glad you added a maid to your requests. Cleaning one house is horrifying enough. But four?…

    I hope Holiday Paul delivers for you! That world peace thing would be nice. 🙂

    1. I probably should have added an entire maid service. Or maybe I could just get some cute chipmunks like Snow White and Cinderella did.

      1. But they might leave poo trails behind.

        1. You know, they never talk about that in the fairy tales . . .

  2. I love this! I feel like Linus when Sally stayed with him to wait for that Great Pumpkin! Thank you for spreading the cheer of the season with Holiday Paul!

    1. But of course! Tis the season of Holiday Paul!

      1. Fa la la la la la yeah yeah yeah!

  3. Reblogged this on Knocked over by a feather and commented:
    My fab friend Alice writes a letter to Holiday Paul!

    1. You have to belieeeeeeeeeeeeeve in Holiday Paul, jaded!

  4. I love this letter! And this post! I wish Holiday Paul would sing “All you need is love” in front of the apple store, that would be great :o) I never saw a flying submarine, but if it is possible and he would borrow it to me after christmas, that would be very nice.

    1. Haha, that would be funny. All you need is love . . . and an Iphone 5 . . . so throw your old one out . . . only 800 bucks . . .

  5. I’ve already been told Holiday Paul is bringing me lumps of coal… so I’m going to petition Holiday Ringo instead…

    1. I’m glad I saved your gift receipt…

    2. I hear sometimes Holiday Ringo fills in for Holiday Paul, but they don’t share lists so you’re cool.

  6. My wish would be for Holiday Paul, Holiday Ringo, Julian Lennon and some Harrison offspring to get together one final time. How can this not happen????

    1. Maybe they will all see a star and follow it to a stage where we can watch them?

  7. Hooray for Holiday Paul! I said to Mer he probably visited in his yellow submarine and now I know it’s true! Except I thought he came up the plughole.
    Holiday Paul can totally make me a “Daydream Believer”! Wait, that was the Monkees. Do I have the wrong band? Oh, the shame.
    No Holiday Paul gifts for me 😦

    1. If you are naughty, Holiday Paul leaves Monkees albums in your stocking. For shame! 😀

    2. Haha! The Monkees sucked!

  8. Where are all of these houses going to go?

    1. I”d prefer Hawaii. Nice climate.

  9. Oooh, I think I like Holiday Paul. I’d like a Holiday George even better, but Paul will do. I’ll have to think about what to ask him. Looks like there may be quite a bit of competition.

    1. Holiday Paul is very powerful and can give gifts to every-one.

      1. Plus he’s still alive, unlike George… 😉

  10. I’m not sure I want to know what an Ear-vac is….

      1. No, I didn’t want to know.

        1. I can’t believe you haven’t seen the commercials. OW! OW! They try to use a Q-tip and pierce their brains, I guess.

          1. Those kinds of commercials are ridiculous. Like it’s so hard to cut up brownies or dump spaghetti in a colander, etc.

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