Do you hear what I hear?

I hear Christmas songs!  They’re everywhere.  Sometimes you don’t even realize they’re playing in the background!  Since I’ve made it a habit to pick on other songs with my song reviews, I think I would be remiss to leave out Christmas songs.  I like using the word “remiss”.

This morning I heard the song “Do You Hear What I Hear?” and I had all these questions, as usual, because I wonder about lots of pointless stuff.  These lyrics are kind of whack if you think about it.  Basically we’re talking a long game of “telephone” starting with the night wind and ending with a “mighty king”.  They’re all talking about Jesus – sorry, spoiler there.  But the first one to talk, remember, is wind.

Whoa . . . did anyone else hear that wind talking or did I eat some bad clover?

Whoa . . . did anyone else hear that wind talking or did I eat some bad clover?

Said the night wind to the little lamb

Do you see what I see?

(Etc)

A star, a star dancing in the night

With a tail as big as a kite . . .

Wait a second.  I mean, nevermind that the wind is talking, and talking to a lamb for that matter, but “tail as big as a kite?”  Did they have kites back in Biblical times?  I mean I know the Chinese invented them oh wait, Google search . . . there are birds called kites too.  But we’re talking something with a long tail, since you always see the Christmas star with this long freaking tail right?  So I think they meant the toy kind of kite.  Which is like, kind of anachronistic, though why I’m bothering with this at all considering the next part I don’t know.

Pretty long tail for a bird.

Pretty long tail for a bird.

Said the little lamb to the shepherd boy,

Do you hear what I hear?

Whoa, back up and explain this to me again.  The wind told you there was a big song in the trees . . .

Whoa, back up and explain this to me again. The wind told you there was a big song in the trees . . .

Hang on a second.  Okay, so the lamb goes on to tell the boy about a song above the trees with a voice as big as the seas.  That’s totally tripping right there, but here’s the kicker.  The kid doesn’t freak out about this at all.  He just totally takes it in stride.  Which begs the question.  Did animals just normally talk in Biblical times?  I mean, I think there was some tale about a donkey, and weird stuff did happen like say a bush spontaneously bursting into flame, but those were supposed to be unusual, I think.  So if this isn’t a normal occurrence, we’ve got one really laid back kid.  Anyway, the shepherd boy decides to spread the news to the king, because of course the night wind couldn’t be bothered to just deliver the message to everyone itself.

Said the shepherd boy to the mighty king

Do you know what I know?

Yawn, peasant speaking . . .

Yawn, peasant speaking . . .

Like, how did the shepherd boy get to the mighty king?  I mean, he’s a shepherd boy.  Was he all surrounded in holy light or something, because I can see that getting a king’s attention.  But just some shepherd boy?  I can just see the king going “Hey, get back to your freaking flock and quit eating those shrooms, you brat!”  But okay, the kid gets an audience with the king somehow.  He goes on to say

A child, a child shivers in the cold

Let us bring him silver and gold

Wait, what?  First off, what the heck are silver and gold going to do for a cold child?  Wouldn’t it make more sense to bring him a blanket?  Or, say, let him hang in the palace where he could be warm?  But even weirder, how on earth did the shepherd boy get that a baby was born, a baby that needs silver and gold, from a lamb yammering on about big old songs above the trees?  I mean, wtf?  He sure deduced a lot from that nonsense.  Kid should be an English major.

Dude, I'm a baby.  What am I gonna do with silver and gold?  Chew on it?

Dude, I’m a baby. What am I gonna do with silver and gold? Chew on it?

So the king not only lets the kid speak, but does what he says.

Said the king to the people everywhere,
listen to what I say
Pray for peace, people everywhere!
listen to what I say
The Child, the Child, sleeping in the night
He will bring us goodness and light
He will bring us goodness and light.

It was tough getting a signal in Bible times.

It was tough getting a signal in Bible times.

I have to say – I like this last part.  Pray for peace.  There is a new baby, new life, new hope.  It makes me want to believe this crazy story.  But I have to ask – where is Jesus now?  Is our world not in need of peace, goodness, and light more than ever?  Has he not seen reality television?  Or am I missing something important?  Maybe a child is being born right now that will bring goodness and light.  Or maybe it’s one of our own children.  I know Thing Two would be a good president if only because she likes telling people what to do and will not let up until you do it.

Maybe it’s none of these things.  Who knows?  I mean, this all started with an animal listening to the wind.

Do you hear what I hear?  Blarrrrt.

Do you hear what I hear? Blarrrrt.

35 responses

  1. My BIL started listening to christmas music back in September. Drives me nuts.

    1. Ugh, that’s horrible. My normal radio station started playing Christmas music as soon as Thanksgiving was over – ONLY CHRISTMAS MUSIC.

      1. Yeah, we have one of those, too. I’m in the mood for that on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day – and that’s it. But then I also get pissed off at the people who turn their lights on before Thanksgiving. I’m all for putting them up – as far ahead as you need to beat the snow and sub-arctic temps – but don’t turn that shit on until after Thanksgiving. One holiday at a time you asshats!

        1. Haha, I love your spirit MM!

  2. I agree it’s not common for shepherd boys to chat with kings :o) And I have some doubts that silver and gold can hold you warm :o) But at least this song is much better than “Last Christmas” when I hear it, a feather grows on my butt :o)

    1. Last Christmas I gave you my heart and the very next day you gave it away! I hate Christmas returns!

  3. That boy just knows where to get the good shit. Smokeh smokeh!

    1. Let’s hope he’s smokin or he’s got some serious issues . . . so does the lamb.

      1. Well the lamb is just trying NOT to be dinner.

    2. What do you know about smokeh smokeh? LMAO

      1. I have this friend….

  4. Ohh Alice!
    When it comes to listening to horrible Christmas songs I’m sure Spain is the place to be.
    Just imagine listening to this everywhere you go:

    It says “La virgen lavaba, San Jose tendia” which would be something like “The virgin washed the clothes and Saint Joseph put them on the clotheline” and something like the donkey would bring them water and also asking Mary (the virgin) to stop feeding the baby (white baby Jesus) “madroños” or he will get drunk.

    1. Far out. I will have to listen to this and groove when I get home from work.

  5. Of course animals spoke in Biblical times! As you mentioned there was the donkey of course, and a cat with a sword, and a gingerbread man – oh wait, I’m getting confused with Shrek.
    Sorry.

    1. There wasn’t a gingerbread man in the Bible? I was just sure there was – I’m gonna have to look at that book again. Maybe he was in Revelations – freaking everything was in that chapter.

  6. I think it’d be nice to talk to the wind and lambs…

    1. I get about the same response from my husband, so why not?

  7. Boo for Christmas songs. They are everywhere. Humbug.

    1. Is it just me, or are they doubly depressing when you’re shopping?

  8. Haha, this is great. Made me laugh out loud. I’ve never actually broken down these songs; they’ve just become so rote in my mind. Talk about weird lyrics. I’m sure you’d have a hay day with The 12 Days of Christmas!

    1. Oh, yes! I did do a 50 Shades 12 days of Xmas, but that song is really asking for it. We play a version when it’s time for patrons to leave the library. Each day has a different annoying instrument. It is the most annoying piece of music we play, and sometimes we play the Chicken Dance.

      1. You’re my kind of librarian!

  9. The Wi-Fi signal in bible times is better than mine some days.

    1. Mine too, especially in this 40 something year old building I work in.

      1. I’m gonna be 40 soon! 😉

        1. You’re still holding up better than this building. 😀

  10. Wow, I also did a Christmas music post that deconstructed some of the lyrics. You went deep, and you were on target. I think the lamb had to talk though, because look what happened when the lambs were silent.

    1. Good point there! I was trying to remember who it was that deconstructed some of the Christmas songs. I especially liked that one you did with all the pretentious Hollywood people “Do they know it’s Christmas”. Makes me want to hurl something.

      1. Or just hurl. I did that song in depth, and I also did some of the classic songs recently. Yesterday.

  11. Thanks to Mecca, I have become something of an unintended expert on Christmas music. Sadly, like most pop music, the more I have to hear them, the more they…… sigh, start to grow on me. When I start singing along to them at work, I just want someone to shoot me for I have obviously lost my flipping mind…

    1. Oh, I know – I hear them on the radio and start singing along and then it’s like argfhghhghgh change the station nowwww!

  12. so i don’t really understand this whole thing. like the song isn’t meant to be taken literally….the baby (Christ Jesus) clearly isn’t going to be using the silver and gold but rather the Three Kings are bringing gifts to the family for a new hope has been born. also, Jesus is in heaven and will be coming on His own timing. this song ISN’T SUPPOSED TO BE TAKEN LITERALLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! like the animals didn’t talk it’s merely like a metaphor for what was actually happing.

    1. No shit, Sherlock. Have you ever read this blog before? Posts like this are COMEDY. In this case, showing how absurd it is to take song lyrics literally.

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