Do you hear what I hear?

I hear Christmas songs!  They’re everywhere.  Sometimes you don’t even realize they’re playing in the background!  Since I’ve made it a habit to pick on other songs with my song reviews, I think I would be remiss to leave out Christmas songs.  I like using the word “remiss”.

This morning I heard the song “Do You Hear What I Hear?” and I had all these questions, as usual, because I wonder about lots of pointless stuff.  These lyrics are kind of whack if you think about it.  Basically we’re talking a long game of “telephone” starting with the night wind and ending with a “mighty king”.  They’re all talking about Jesus – sorry, spoiler there.  But the first one to talk, remember, is wind.

Whoa . . . did anyone else hear that wind talking or did I eat some bad clover?

Said the night wind to the little lamb

Do you see what I see?

(Etc)

A star, a star dancing in the night

With a tail as big as a kite . . .

Wait a second.  I mean, nevermind that the wind is talking, and talking to a lamb for that matter, but “tail as big as a kite?”  Did they have kites back in Biblical times?  I mean I know the Chinese invented them oh wait, Google search . . . there are birds called kites too.  But we’re talking something with a long tail, since you always see the Christmas star with this long freaking tail right?  So I think they meant the toy kind of kite.  Which is like, kind of anachronistic, though why I’m bothering with this at all considering the next part I don’t know.

Pretty long tail for a bird.

Said the little lamb to the shepherd boy,

Do you hear what I hear?

Whoa, back up and explain this to me again. The wind told you there was a big song in the trees . . .

Hang on a second.  Okay, so the lamb goes on to tell the boy about a song above the trees with a voice as big as the seas.  That’s totally tripping right there, but here’s the kicker.  The kid doesn’t freak out about this at all.  He just totally takes it in stride.  Which begs the question.  Did animals just normally talk in Biblical times?  I mean, I think there was some tale about a donkey, and weird stuff did happen like say a bush spontaneously bursting into flame, but those were supposed to be unusual, I think.  So if this isn’t a normal occurrence, we’ve got one really laid back kid.  Anyway, the shepherd boy decides to spread the news to the king, because of course the night wind couldn’t be bothered to just deliver the message to everyone itself.

Said the shepherd boy to the mighty king

Do you know what I know?

Yawn, peasant speaking . . .

Like, how did the shepherd boy get to the mighty king?  I mean, he’s a shepherd boy.  Was he all surrounded in holy light or something, because I can see that getting a king’s attention.  But just some shepherd boy?  I can just see the king going “Hey, get back to your freaking flock and quit eating those shrooms, you brat!”  But okay, the kid gets an audience with the king somehow.  He goes on to say

A child, a child shivers in the cold

Let us bring him silver and gold

Wait, what?  First off, what the heck are silver and gold going to do for a cold child?  Wouldn’t it make more sense to bring him a blanket?  Or, say, let him hang in the palace where he could be warm?  But even weirder, how on earth did the shepherd boy get that a baby was born, a baby that needs silver and gold, from a lamb yammering on about big old songs above the trees?  I mean, wtf?  He sure deduced a lot from that nonsense.  Kid should be an English major.

Dude, I’m a baby. What am I gonna do with silver and gold? Chew on it?

So the king not only lets the kid speak, but does what he says.

Said the king to the people everywhere,
listen to what I say
Pray for peace, people everywhere!
listen to what I say
The Child, the Child, sleeping in the night
He will bring us goodness and light
He will bring us goodness and light.

It was tough getting a signal in Bible times.

I have to say – I like this last part.  Pray for peace.  There is a new baby, new life, new hope.  It makes me want to believe this crazy story.  But I have to ask – where is Jesus now?  Is our world not in need of peace, goodness, and light more than ever?  Has he not seen reality television?  Or am I missing something important?  Maybe a child is being born right now that will bring goodness and light.  Or maybe it’s one of our own children.  I know Thing Two would be a good president if only because she likes telling people what to do and will not let up until you do it.

Maybe it’s none of these things.  Who knows?  I mean, this all started with an animal listening to the wind.

Do you hear what I hear? Blarrrrt.