O Bleeping Christmas Tree!

Our Christmas Tree, Our Christmas Tree

It’s pretty and it’s quite stout

But if you don’t decorate it right

I’ll go and punch your lights out!

No, no, no, you decorate the tree, stupid.

No, no, no, you decorate the tree, stupid.

These are not the correct lyrics to the song.  I’m actually not sure what the correct lyrics are beyond “O Christmas Tree.”  For all I know they could be the same as the lyrics of “O Canada”, since I also don’t know any of that song except “O Canada.”  Yes, I could Google it, but why bother when you can find such fabulous news stories as this one?

I heard about it on the radio station this morning and looked it up.  This is one of those stories that really makes you believe in hope, wonder, and the Christmas spirit and I swear I am not making it up.

Headline: Deputies Calm Family’s Fight Over Christmas Tree Decorating

One of the women in the story was found like this by police . . .

One of the women in the story was found like this by police . . .

This story, which you can read if you follow the link, concerns a few related women.  Two of them started decorating the tree, another one came home and got mad they did it without her, and all hell broke loose.  Over a Christmas tree.  Ridiculous you think?  Well, I can totally believe this.  My family almost always gets in some sort of fight every single Christmas – it’s as much a tradition as pumpkin pie.  But I don’t think we’ve actually gotten into a fight over decorating a Christmas tree.

Now the library is another matter.  You would not believe just how important decorating is in a library.  This is a place where having certain psychiatric disorders, like say OCD, are of actual benefit to your job.  I can be rather obsessive myself, but rarely about anything regarding work.  Librarians can turn obsession into an art form – at least they can here.

We have a Christmas tree at work.  It has origami paper decorations that some librarian who no longer works here made who knows how long ago.  Each year they are flattened out and carefully hung up because being paper, they could tear.  Sometimes one of the librarians, I kid you not, irons the paper.  Anyway, my first year at this university, I thought decorating the tree might be lighthearted and fun.  How stupid was I!  This was serious business, people, and needed to be done a certain way.

OMG I am having SO much fun help me now!

OMG I am having SO much fun help me now!

For instance, you were not to put the swirly decorations on first.  That’s because the swirly ones were supposed to fill in all the open spaces (there were none) in the tree after the other decorations were put up.  I was informed of this when I mistakenly tried to hang up one of the swirly pieces of paper first.  This annoyed me, so I hung up the swirly ones first anyway, whenever their backs were turned.  Like I told you before – rebel.

It quickly became apparent that there were far too many cooks in this kitchen, but no way could you escape or you were abandoning everybody.  I’m not sure I’ve ever had the fun so thoroughly taken out of a project.  I decided not to help with the decorating after that year.  Considering what happened to that family in South Carolina, I think this was wise.  I’d hate to see the 911 call that would have inevitably occurred when I got caught putting up decorations in the wrong order.  It could have gotten ugly, fast, and we can’t have aggression in a library – unless it’s passive, then pile it on!

This, by the way, is yet another reason I think librarians drink so much at library conferences.

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31 responses

  1. I thin it is another reason for packing!

    1. Jingle bells, shotgun shells . . . .

  2. I just read about the tree-terror”All four family members admitted to pushing each other and getting in their faces.” I hope they will not buy their the christmas gifts together, think that could end deadly :o)

    1. I could just imagine the 911 responders. Sure, we missed that massive house fire, but hey we broke out a Christmas tree fight! Morons.

    1. Lets hope no one spikes the eggnog. We’re all bad enough sober.

      1. It’s not real eggnog if there’s no alcohol in it, so it’s not possible to spike eggnog.

        1. Strangely I’ve seen plenty of eggnog alchol-free.

          1. Not the real deal. Also, doesn’t taste as good.

  3. Some people get all serious about the dumbest shit.

    1. Yes. Yes, they do. And then comes 911.

      1. Sometimes I wonder how often 911 operators have to hit the mute button so the caller doesn’t hear their laughter.

        1. I swear I sat down on it by accident operator!

          1. Did you ever see the story a few years ago about the woman who called 911 three times from a McDonald’s drive thru because they were out of chicken mcnuggets?

          2. Seriously? Wait, why do I have to ask that?

          3. Yes, this happened in Florida a few years ago. After the third time they arrested her.

          4. And she still didn’t get her freaking McNuggets! Is there no justice in this world?

          5. I completely lost faith in everything after finding out that, not only did she get arrested, but she got no McNuggets either. There’s no hope.

  4. Why does the prospect of a librarian fight seem awesome to me?

    1. Because we let down our hair, throw off our glasses, and have a massive cat fight with tearing of clothes and whatnot.

  5. Those librarians would not like my tree. I gave up trying to have a beautifully decorated tree because the kids like to decorate it, and if my two teenage boys are still willing to do so, then I figure I should let them have at it. We buy one new ornament a year (have since my husband and I got married), so we have quite an eclectic collection. Yoda, superheroes, and even Elmo from years past adorn out tree. Tis not pretty but tis fun.

    1. That sounds like my tree at home! We started having the kids each pick out an ornament each year when Thing Two was 18 months . . . she was so naughty her Grandma was tempted to put coal in the stocking. Her ornament has NAUGHTY printed over a cute stuffed star. We also have ornaments with old family portraits or pics of the kids, one for the wedding, new house, etc. And I let the girls decorate, so it’s like it’s all been tossed on. Now that’s fun!

      1. I agree. There are times to be Type A and times to be laid-back. Christmas tree decorating with kids is time for the latter. 🙂

  6. Ish Kabibble! I am very much a turn on carols, throw back eggnog, and gleefully toss stuff at the tree kind of girl. Those perfectly designed trees always make me feel sorry for any kids in the family.

    1. I know! I’ve gone in houses where every room looked like one of those fake ones from the JC Penny catalogs, and of course there’s a massive perfectly decorated tree with glass ornaments . . . makes me wonder if they keep their kids in kennels.

  7. One thing I absolutely do not miss since moving out of my parents’ house is having a stupid Christmas tree in the way…. especially when it was always up until about Groundhog Day due to general laziness. When the tree turns brown, it’s time to take it down….

    Baaaaaaaaaaaaaah humbug!!!!

    1. Yes! It’s taken me a month to do it, but I have a friend who I swear kept it up all year long. She knows who she is. Hahaha.

      1. I waited until after Finals.

  8. Screw the tree this year, I can’t be bothered. It seems like only yesterday I was packing it back in its little box and chucking it on top of the wardrobe.
    And that goes for the stupid lights, too.

    1. I like that we are all filled with the flipping Xmas spirit.

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