Ah, George. You with your dangly earrings and your bedazzled jeans! That charming way you shake your butt right in front of the camera! I heart you, truly, man. Nevermind those peeps who say you’re a has-been freak. You’re still tops in my book. Like, how could anyone forget that classic “Wake me up before you go-go?” And then when you rhymed that with yo-yo? Lyrical genius! I know my heart strings went “Wham!” on that one.
And “Careless Whisper” makes so much sense and is so true to life and all that stuff. Who hasn’t experienced the feeling of no rhythm because your feet are too guilty? I sure have. That’s why I can’t dance. Feet guilt.
What about “Father Figure”, huh? “Put your tiny hand in mine.” That’s just so cute, and not creepy. I mean, not once did I think about adding the lyrics “Would you like some candy / go hop in this van of mine.” Not even when you said “Sometimes love can be mistaken for a crime.” I mean, that’s totally understandable there. Sometimes love is, um, criminal and prosecuted by law and um . . .
People just don’t have “Faith” in you, George, but ya gotta have faith. You gotta have faith a faith a faith – ba-by! And I do, George! Despite your subtle, unassuming nature, I can really feel your tender love ballads, especially “I want your sex.” Talk about romantic. I remember parents being concerned about that song when I was a kid. I bet they wish they could have your songs back now, George!
It’s Christmas time again, George, and you remember what happened “Last Christmas”? You gave some girl your heart and she gave it away like the VERY NEXT DAY? Talk about rude! Especially since heart transplants are really hard to come by. You don’t have to worry about that with me, George, because I am here forever and ever! I watch your video “Last Christmas” every chance I get. It’s so groovy and modern, and your feathery hair just sets me a’flame, Georgie. Hang on while I get my skies!
Love your greatest fan ev-er,