Here is yet another Christmas post, because, really, what would Christmas be without everyone’s favorite clown? I was all set to do a Boppo Christmas special because last year I already wrote about the first Christmas. You know, when Joseph and Mary had a baby in a manger (a white baby) because they had no health insurance and then Santa arrived with a diaper genie for Jesus, hallelujah, the end. What? You missed that one? LINK DROP! Happy holidays I mean zomg MERRY CHRISTMAS. (Click to enlarge pictures – if you dare!)
Anyways, I was going to do a Boppo post when I realized that I had killed Boppo a little too well last time, and every time I opened the game, he promptly died no matter what. So what could I do? I could have recreated him, but work, and so I did the next best thing. I made another character that could resurrect him by calling Death on a special death phone. But what character would be fitting to go with a clown and a dog named Wee Wee?
Then I had it. Since this was a Christmas post, clearly we needed Fox News, so I created Foxy News, a Fox News reporter. You’ll notice she looks exactly like every female Fox News host. She’s blond, blue-eyed, and extremely ticked off most of the time (I gave her no nice points). Perfection!
Poor Foxy, she’s not used to living in such conditions! But a reporter must report the news, even if it’s in a stinky place that is owned by a clown who is probably on welfare. Oh, but first she has to bring him back to life by making that all important phone call. When you call up Death, you have to offer him money. This might be a problem for Foxy.
Sensing that this payment for resurrection was surely part of that nasty Obamacare, she decides to pay as little as possible. This turns out to not be such a good idea. Turns out if you pay for lousy insurance, you get lousy care!
So Death brings Boppo back, but only kind of sort of. Boppo the clown is now Boppo the zombie clown! Zomg! Now THIS is a story, Foxy!
But Foxy really doesn’t want to deal with this. This is like, creepy, and yuck, and she wants back in her nice clean studio where there are no zombies, no clowns, and no icky bugs!
Sorry, Foxy, gonna have to see this one through. I mean, look how far into this post we’ve gotten, and Boppo is still very much alive! Well, okay, so he’s partially alive and dropping parts of himself all over the house, but he’s still moving, and that has to be stopped. What kind of Christmas special would this be if there were no dead zombie clowns? Not a very good one, I say.
So it’s time for Boppo to say “bye-bye” once again. But how?
The Things and I debated on this, and after crashing a sattelite into him, and one time somehow making him completely vanish from the game, we settled on electrocution. It seemed the most festive, considering how often this happens with Christmas tree lights and whatnot.
Foxy is there to film everything. She manages to hide her sorrow quite well, even pointing and winking at Death as she walks by (really, she does this.) So now it’s just Foxy, all alone in the house of clown, and none of her reporter friends ready to get her. But what to do? What would be the most likely way to go for anybody on Fox News, the network that is fair and balanced?
What do you know? God IS with us! Merry Christmas, Happy Chaka Kahn, all those other holidays, etc etc.