2013: A Year of living Alicely

Last year I did my own overview, complete with link drops to my own posts.  Because no matter the year, I am still narcissistic.  I vow to be more so in the new year.  Blogging is also an interesting insight into what was going on in my life during 2013.  Clearly not much, because I posted a lot, like enough times to fill more of those opera houses.

Note: I am so lazy, I didn’t even Link Drop.

Anyway, here we go:

January

I started off the year in the middle of covering Fifty Shades Freed, the final (for the love of God) book in the 50 Shades series.  Only I called it Fifty Shades Flunked, because the one part of teaching I kind of liked was giving people Fs, and I got to do that a lot with E.L. James.  I also had an online classroom of students, many of whom did not realize they were enrolled.  So they mostly didn’t notice when I quit teaching partly through the book.

That stick man falling into the black hole was a pretty good description of our class.

That stick man falling into the black hole was a pretty good description of our class.

Next came the Freshly Pressed nod, which happened right after my washing machine exploded.  I can’t express how happy I am that the one post that was pressed was one that featured the word “crap” in the title, and was about, of all things, my quest to get healthier.  I joined a gym, and if you’ve ever seen Sport Goofy, you get the idea of how successful this was.

Pro: Gym has equipment Con: Gym has people

Pro: Gym has equipment
Con: Gym has people

February

50 Shades coverage continues.  To counteract the nausea, I try exercise and like all things, I do this in moderation.  I review almost every exercise video out there, even the whacked out 80s ones and the frightening Jillian Godzilla Michaels.

Get thee behind me!!!

Get thee behind me!!!

Still overwhelmed, I took a blog break and went on Carnival Cruise lines for a three-hour-tour.  Not really, but it made a good post.  A stormtrooper visited Wonderland and shot up the place.  The Things and I made up a TV show with a mutated creature named “Mutey and Friends”.

This is going to be picked up by PBS any day now!

This is going to be picked up by PBS any day now!

March

50 Shades coverage IS STILL GOING.  I decide exercise is too much work and try yoga.  Writing posts is also work, so I write my first one word post and get more comments on this than most of my actual posts.  I goof up both the origin of both Easter and St Patrick’s Day.  I decide to quit Facebook no really I mean it this time.

Not that I'm desperate but . . . BE MY FRIEND!!!!!

Not that I’m desperate but . . . BE MY FRIEND!!!!!

April

I first notice my Dragon Tales blog stalkers.  I am called a “farthead” by one.  I get obsessed with yoga and frightened by a panting girl on a video.  I finally FINALLY finished 50 Shades and could only utter “Mmmbop.”

You’re welcome.

May

50 Shades is gone and I have nothing to write about, but this doesn’t stop me.  I remind people of my birthday coming up and await all the celebratory blog posts.  The Fruitcake Award is created and passed around several blogs cause no one wants that thing.  More yoga posts.  My collection of yoga bling adds up.

Look, Ma, I made it myself!

Look, Ma, I made it myself!

June

I meet my Wonder Twin, merbear, and we discover a love of making fun of stupid retro ads.  Also the sound of our own voices.  We riff on ads about magical brushes and laxatives.  The Things turn nine and thirteen.  We have a lockdown at work because the stupidest crooks of all time pretend to rob a Subway.  A squirrel and a depressed pony get Facebook accounts.  I find out yoga is of the devil.

Just . . . wow.

Just . . . wow.

July

I get sick a lot (surprise!).  Crazed “Christians” swarm my college campus.  I declare that I am my own cool table.  I start reviewing songs, starting with the “Chipper Cheatin’ Songs”.  I tell people what not to name their baby, figuring I’ll tick some people off – instead it’s one of my most viewed posts. Merbear and I find out new uses for Lysol.  The anti-awards arrive.  I continue my parody of 50 Shades with our heroine Bambi.

These are still available for those people on your list.  Take one today!

These are still available for those people on your list. Take one today!

August

Merbear and I start the Wonder Twins retro blog.  Merbear does a lot of the work because yet another of my alternate identities, Mary Alice, apparently falls down a bottle.  I talk about murdering virtual people – it is another of my most popular posts, you sickos.  Boppo the death clown is born and continues to die horrible deaths in the Sims.  Sparky the Wonder Blogger arrives to terrorize us all and my followers become sparkleponys.  List of X tells us way too much about Miley Cyrus and twerking.

Sparky the Won-der Blog-ger

Sparky the Won-der Blog-ger

September

The Things and I glob glitter on a My Little Pony and actually get people to compete for it in a Sparklepony contest!  People had to be as obnoxious in their posts as possible – no surprise this is not a problem for my followers.  Evil Squirrel “wins” the monstrosity pony and she travels to his home and falls in love with his Rainbow Donkey (knitted by a blogger) and has babies: (knitted by another blogger).  Yes, we are all adults.

A contest based on this.

A contest based on this.

October

I suffer the Sadz and a small nervous breakdown, but continue to write anyway.  Halloween is dissected, another birth story is told, and I describe the game of Life – turns out all of these are of the devil.

Reports about me have been greatly exaggerated.  I thought Alice was a pillow.

Reports about me have been greatly exaggerated. I thought Alice was a pillow.

November

I start reviewing fairy tales – I mean to get back to this in the New Year with the Little Mermaid, that fishy brat.  Snow White, Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty, and that freak Peter Pan have already gotten the Alice treatment.  My Thanksgiving post is a Black Friday Thursday post, because that’s what the real holiday is, right?  Yay!

Realism in fairy tales.

Realism in fairy tales.

December

I spend the entire month griping about Christmas.  I discuss the scariness of Santa, write a love letter to George Michael, and discover from Fox News that Santa and Jesus are white.  Holiday Paul is offered as a Santa substitute.  I get obsessed with a virtual farm.  What happened to that exercise and yoga stuff?  Hang on, I gotta milk my pretend cows!

No, kids, really - Santa is totally white.

No, kids, really – Santa is totally white.

So that’s my year.  Did you guys have a good 2013?  Are you glad it’s over?  Got any News Years resolutions you plan to immediately break?  Let me know.  And thanks for reading.

Alice

Advertisements

22 responses

  1. 2013 sucked. That covers everything from my job, love life, family, health, mental health, etc., and that was NOTHING compared to what the kid went through. Luckily, we are both in good places and moods today. So far, so good.

    I planned to start smoking as a resolution, but have already broken it because I am too cheap to buy cigarettes. Back to the diet cola addiction instead.

    (I actually like fruitcake. It has fruit, it has to be good for you, right?)

    1. I’m with you. No taking up smoking for me, I’m sticking with sugary colas. I should cut back on sugar, but take away that – it’s like taking away my SOUL. I might have too much of an attachment to soda.

  2. You continously make me laugh. Happy New Year, Alice.

    1. Thanks, jaded. So glad I make someone laugh.

  3. Why the FUCK did I just watch that video?

      1. It’s a secret no one knows.

        1. In an mmmbop it’s gone, till you lose your hair, but you don’t care, wtf am I saying, mmmbop!

  4. A wonderful year in Alice-land (though I wasn’t following you for all of it, sorry).
    I haven’t made any resolutions as I’ll spend months feeling guilty about breaking them.
    I hope 2014 is wonderful for you and the Things and everyone 🙂

    1. I’m glad you are following me now! If only I could find my way into one of your doodles! Happy 2014 – I have to remember it’s 2014 now. More on that goober mistake later.

      1. Now that’s an idea – DraliDoodles with various of my bloggy friends in, like the little references ES puts in his comics. I’ll have to think on that!

        1. That would be so fun! I’d read it!

  5. I stayed the same height – and am generally thrilled with that accomplishment! 🙂

    1. ME TOO. That is totally awesome, since that weight thing keeps not staying the same in the wrong direction . . . maybe I should melt it off with that hot yoga. Except then I’d not be able to move . . . Am going to try to take up regular yoga again.

  6. Didn’t catch a word after MMMBop. i’m sure the rest was up to standard though.

    1. My usual standards of which there are none mmmbop!

  7. What a year…thanks for the numerous “me” references…Me is awesome…and are you my dearest Alice! Me!!!

    1. YOU were important this year ME! 😀

  8. I had a pretty good year – I got an award from you, wrote way too much about Miley Cyrus, got Freshly Pressed on two blogs neither of which was mine, and survived with all my limbs and most of my sanity intact. I doubt I can top or even match all that in 2014.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: