Seventeen Again

Yup, I’m seventeen.  Well maturity wise.  Well, actually more like thirteen, but we’ll bump it up to seventeen for the heck of it.  Just yesterday I saw a post by the awesome Becky about turning 29 and feeling old.  Beck, I don’t remember 29.  I think the last thing I remember was turning 24, right after my first daughter was born, and then BAM suddenly I’m 37.  I have no idea how that happened.

Anyway, I also happened to see a post by Sarah, formerly Combat Girl, who took a quiz from Seventeen magazine to find out what sort of feminist she was.  Well, I was all up in that, cause I love taking quizzes, especially somewhat pointless ones.  So I took it, and, shock, I’m a liberal feminist.  I know, your jaws are on the freaking floor, amiright?

Who is this girl on the cover?  And who named her?

Who is this girl on the cover? And who named her?

But, you guys, there were more quizzes, and they were about very important topics.  Like, not just what dress do I want to wear to prom, but what perfume should go along with it?  Crap, I had no idea there were so many decisions.  Yes, I realize I am not seventeen and so this is not supposed to concern me, but honestly, I wasn’t a very good teenager.  While I did pick out a prom dress, I didn’t take a quiz to find out – I sort of tried it on. And I didn’t once think about wearing perfume, because it makes me cough.

But there are other topics, don’t worry.  There are Twilight quizzes, vampire quizzes, “does he like me” quizzes, boyfriend quizzes, love tests, quizzes about love, and quizzes for girls.  Like, um, what guy is reading seventeen magazine?  Come to think of it, what girl is?  Apparently me.  So I took some of the quizzes, because otherwise I’d have to do something, like, productive.

What earth shattering revelations will I discover?

What earth shattering revelations will I discover?

I wasn’t for sure what the difference was between vampire quizzes and Twilight quizzes since, Zomg, Edward is the only vampire and he is so sparkly!  And I was right.  When I selected “vampire quizzes”, they were all about Twilight. Go figure.  So I took one.

Quiz: Are You Team Edward or Team Jacob? (Take this quiz to find out which supernatural Twilight  man is right for you!)

How about neither?  Okay, here are the questions.  Some of the multiple choice answers were condensed by yours truly.

1. Can you keep a secret?

a. I try, but I open my yap too much

b. yes, for 100 years, do you get it?

My answer: Depends.  Are we talking about keeping a vampire secret?  Because I’m pretty sure I’d out Edward and put his disco ball butt right out in the sunshine.

2. Do you believe in love at first sight?

a. Maybe, when you find the right person it will be forever!

b. Absolutely!  Some things are meant to be!

Now I didn’t change the wording in those answers that much.  The choices really are between maybe and absolutely, even though the maybe even seems to also be a yes.  So – yes or yes, girls?

The quiz goes on to ask what my personality flaw is.  I’m thinking the fact that I actually read these books, but I have a choice between not taking myself seriously, and not being myself.  Again, aren’t both of those pretty close to the same thing?  I’m starting to get suspicious.

Next it’s do you take risks, how do you act when you’re angry (if I act like a jerk, I’m perfect for either of them), and when making decisions am I guided by emotion or logic?  Strike out for logic, there wasn’t any in the book.  I’m not sure which guy is supposed to be the logical one here.  Anyway, I randomly put in answers and got Team Jacob.  Woot.

Jacob In A Can  by Thing Two

Jacob In A Can
by Thing Two
(note the strategically placed peppermint)

I figured I’d move on to real life boyfriends, or as real as they get in high school (think Gucci purse to match your pumps), so I chose “Boyfriend  Quizzes”.  Wow, so many to choose from.  Am I too close to him, too far away, should I dump him, should we make out, should I just go read a book and forget about guys for a while – okay I made that last one up.  I then checked out “Love Quizzes”, which had boyfriend quizzes.  Then I looked up “Quizzes for Girls”, and – surprise – more stuff about boyfriends.  So – teens have no other issues?  Good to know!

Of course, some of this stuff made me feel even more ancient.  Like, I know a lot of the shorthand, like OMG, and FYI and especially WTF.  But explain to me this sentence.

Who’s your 1D BGF?

It’s a quiz, peeps, and I don’t even understand what the quiz is asking.  I certainly don’ t know the answer.  This really IS just like high school.  But what the heck.  I clicked on it, and it turns out 1D is shorthand for  One Direction, the boy group no one gives a crap about, not even a lot teen girls.  Seventeen says:

You already know your 1D love match, but you have to admit, the guys also seem like they’d be fun friends. Which member would you mesh most with? Take the quiz to find out whether Zayn, Liam, Louis, Niall, or Harry would be your best guy friend.
Yeah, um, these guys.  How to choose???

Yeah, um, these guys. How to choose???

Oh, so I get it.  BGF is “best guy friend”.  I thought it was “big groovy ferret.”  I think I’d prefer that.  But gosh, how will I know whether Zayn, Liam, Louis, Niall, or Harry will be the pal for me?  I think I can mark off Zayn right away because, seriously, that is not the way you spell Zane.  And Niall – I have no idea if that’s spelled right, because I have never heard of it before.  So I was down to three before I started the quiz, but then they asked if you liked the “classic” Thriller, and they just lost me right there.  I don’t think I’m going to date a boy band.

So I turned to personality quizzes.  I can find out if about all sorts of personalities I didn’t know existed.  Like fitness personality (lazy), study personality, party personality, shoe personality, and Halloween candy personality.  And, of course, bra personality.  (I’m not making any of these up.)  I wanted to find out my bra personality – Double D?  Strapless? Those cone things Madonna wears on her boobs?  Well, I clicked on it, and got an error.  Now I will never know.  Sigh.

So, honey, do you think this fits my personality?

So, honey, do you think this fits my personality?

I have to say, after researching this fascinating magazine, I feel older, but I really don’t care.  You could not pay me to go back to seventeen.  Now the body and health of one, sure, but not actually going back there.  I’m actually fairly happy where I am right now.

But maybe I should take a quiz to make sure.

41 responses

  1. I think I am going to stick to annoying FaceBook quizzes. Just the Seventeen homepage yesterday was enough to make me dizzy, and this is coming from someone over 35 who is wearing glitter polish and Hello Kitty headphones at the moment.

    1. Ha! I totes want some Hello Kitty headphones. They even have a Hello Kitty gun! But, yeah, the site itself was rather mind-boggling, and the contents worse.

      1. Alright, scrolling through my reader again, I swear that picture says “Get Personal with Trojan” instead Troian. Scary juxtaposition of images and messages there.

        1. I saw the exact same thing the first time. Like – whaaat? Sadly, I’m sure there are kids named Trojan out there. I know, I’ll name you after that thing that broke!

  2. Nothing about Ralph Macchio in that magazine? How could it be a teen mag then? Or Scott Biao?
    I hope I’m a cone-bra 🙂

    1. Yeah, I think when they called “Thriller” a classic, I kinda lost it. I loved Ralph and Scott. (Charlessss in charge!) Now they were cute. I’m not sure which one would be my BGF. Maybe Ralph because then I could meet Mr. Whathisface. Wash on, wash off.

      I would want cone-bra too. Or maybe Wonder Bra cause then I could feel like a super hero. I admit I’m also curious as to what Halloween candy I am.

      1. Snickers – you really satisfy.

        I must be older than you b/c Scott Baio (or however you spell his name) is always Chachi from Happy Days…

        Just like Christopher Lloyd is always “Jim from Taxi”

        1. But also Doc from Back to the Future – like next year we’re supposed to be riding flying skateboards.

          1. Or Hacker from Cyberchase 🙂

            I’m still annoyed they lied about the flying cars…and hovercraft technology in general.

  3. I really want to know what your bra personality is so I expect you to go back and take that quiz.

    1. I am highly disappointed in the error message. How will I know what bra I am???

      1. Well, I say you’re a Wonder Bra!

  4. Is it just me, or are most of us ladies all right in that 37 range?

    PS – I totes want a big groovy ferret.

    1. Are you too? Awesome! Glad I’m not alone. Not sure about the groovy ferret. They smell.

      1. Yup. Next numerical addition occurs in March – I’m a bicentennial baby.

          1. Me three! I was three weeks ago.

  5. Prom dresses, perfume, and Twilight quizzes. This is what we feed our teenage girls, and then we wonder why they grow into women who savor news of the Kardashians and devour books like 50 Shades. Oy.

    1. Ugh, no kidding. Even worse, there’s this YM magazine supposedly for pre-teens and I opened one and a 13 year old was discussing having sex with her boyfriend. WHAT??? Obviously I did not decide to subscribe to that one.

      1. That’s beyond disturbing.

  6. The best part of quiz magazines is that they can be burned as kindling without feeling like I’ve wasted something important.

    Facebook could burn, and I wouldn’t feel like anything important was lost at all.

    1. Ha, good point. I’m only on Facebook to chat with a few friends. Oh, and I’m a squirrel, so Facebook mines fake information from a Squirrel.

  7. The funny thing about those teen magazine quizzes is that “adult” magazines like Cosmo basically run the same exact thing. The only difference is instead of “Jacob vs. Edward” it’s “Channing vs. Ryan.”

    1. Oh, yes, it’s been a while since I’ve done a Cosmo quiz! I need to know how to please my man.

      1. I mean, how else would you know?

  8. Sheesh all these young kids writing blogs. Oh to be as young as 37 again! Heck even 45 would be nice 🙂
    Age is in the end a number in a driver’s license and being old or young is just a state of mind. Or maybe that is senility talking 😛

    1. I always say “You have to grow older, but you never have to grow more mature.”

  9. Quizzes? That’s so middle school.

  10. I thought I’d blocked the memory of those teen mags from my mind and then you go and bring it all back.

    When I was a pre-teen, “Forever” by Judy Bloom couldn’t be borrowed from the local library unless you were 14. Admittedly I was 12 when I read it. But now apparently it’s considered suitable for 9-year-olds! I fear that this says rather a lot about today’s society. We’ll be changing the law so those 9-year-olds themselves can get married next…

  11. Ok I’m very sad that I know this but the girl on the cover plays Spencer Hastings on the show Pretty Little Liars. Which is actually pretty freakin’ good.

    My favorite Facebook quiz of late was this: grab the nearest book to you. Turn to page 46 and read the first sentence. This describes your love life.

    1. Oh, lol, yes I remember seeing that one before. Unfortunately I was covering 50 Shades of Grey at the time. I was like, no freaking way.

  12. I have missed out, not only on such deep quizzes to help me know myself but perhaps my calling to write such crap questions…I’d make up shed loads on an hour and sell them to these magazines for years…ridiculous.

    1. I know. I could totally write these quizzes! Why has no one called me? I’m also pretty sure I’d be a good at coming up with lipstick names. Ravishing Red, Blushing Pink, Puke Green, etc.

  13. I am reminded why my magazine subscription of choice at that age was Analog.

  14. I have the maturity of a 13 y/o as well. Time to take some quizzes. There is this site named blogthings. It has hundreds of quizzes that can take away hours of your life, if you let them.

    1. Great! I’ll have to check that one out. 😀

  15. I was born way back in 1970 but I hear a LOT about 1D due to working with kids age 6-11. I’m guessing British teens are not so keen on them. Plenty women in their 30s seem to have a thing for Harry Styles though, judging by his ‘relationship’ history. He looks like a child to me…it would be like me going out with one of my stepson’ s pals *shudder*

    1. I’ve noticed a lot of teen stars are not actually loved by teens but by pre-teens and children. By the time kids get to be actual teens, they think the stuff that is supposed to be for teens is lame.

      And yeah, younger guys – I am much more likely to like men who are older than I am. George Clooney, for instance. 😀

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