Strange Addictions: Night of the Living Dolls

The Ludicrous Channel!

Good news, or bad, depending on how you look at it.  I happened to catch “Strange Addictions” when it randomly showed up Tuesday night.  This episode?  People who want to be dolls.  Now, you know a show is really bad when this sounds incredibly normal.  I haven’t watched all of these – some are just clips or commercials – but so far they’ve covered people who eat:

toilet paper

deodorant

Comet

cat hair

And then there’s the people who have relationships with inanimate objects such as:

a car

inflatable animals

baby dolls they treat like real babies

Speaking of babies, there’s also the people who like to actually BE babies, complete with sleeping in a crib and, yes, wearing diapers.  I don’t even . . . anyway, so when I heard living dolls, I was like, aw, that’s not so bad.  I mean as long as they can distinguish fantasy from reality and . . . oh . . . nevermind.

First up is Ken, a fitting name since the guy wants to actually be a Ken doll.  I can’t imagine why any guy would want this.  I can’t even imagine why Barbie would want him.  He’s boring, he’s generic, he has no reproductive parts, and he’s made of plastic.  But, turns out, that’s what Ken really likes about him!  Yay!

I paused it, and got that triangle on his nose, and decided to leave it.

Ken has had 25 plastic surgeries, and he looks like he’s still in his twenties.  Nose jobs, eyebrow lifts (he has a perpetual look of surprise), pectoral implants (I didn’t realize these existed except on Batman Halloween costumes) and so on.  TLC films him visiting another plastic surgeon who, after hearing he’s had 25 surgeries and wants more, looks at him kind of like this.

Pretty much how I looked too.

But it gets weirder, guys!  See he not only wants these implants, he designs the suckers.  He’s an artist!  So he designs the silicone he wants stuck under his skin in a surgical operation.  Personally, I think the guy’s had too much anesthesia.  So does the surgeon.  He says “You want this ideal . . . but it’s of a cartoon.”  Ken just says, nanner, I’ll find someone else, and goes back to his dream house.  Or something.

Next up is Emily.  She wants to be a doll too, but not a Barbie, that was another show.  (Like duh!) She wants to be some kind of rag doll type thing only with a wig and tall stockings and . . . the best I can come up with is Pedo dressing.  Cause you look like a little girl, but you’re not, so it’s okay, only it’s still kind of gross.  Or something.  It’s a big thing in Japan, and apparently there is anime that uses this theme and . . . to be honest I don’t know that much about Japanese culture. Except that these guys are probably the only country that can rival us in terms of outright weird.

From the TLC website: Dressing like this gives her confidence. Ooookay.

You know, if she just say wore this stuff at home in her spare time, whatevs.  People do all sorts of unusual stuff in their spare time, like reenacting the Civil War, or Medieval Times, or taking selfies for Facebook.  But this girl is tired of being in the closet, and wants everyone to accept her for who she is.  Noble intentions there, Emily, but somehow going job hunting dressed like that is really not the way to go.  The sad part of it is that she wants to be a doll because she doesn’t like herself as she is normally.  Ken liked himself a bit too much, but her not enough.

And then we have Venus.  No, that’s really her name.  She is sixteen, so dressing up like a doll is not quite as bizarre, cause she’s at least a little closer to actual childhood.  Shut up, this reasoning makes me feel better.  Anyway, what is odd is that her mother is very supportive of this, to the point that she spends a lot of money filming the kid for Youtube, where she is a famous star.  Granted, Muffy the kitten who plays with string is also a famous Youtube star, but I digress.  This girl has fans.  Who ask her to sign autographs, and talk about how she inspires them.  By – being a doll?  I’m not getting it.  On the plus side, she did get to go to Japan and be a model for their dolly clothing line, so at least she’s getting paid for being weird.

Think twice before saying your kid is cute as a little doll!

So that was this week’s episode.  Dolls.  Bonus if you caught that they were playing the theme to the Sims in the background.  Next week?  People who eat make-up.  I wonder if they prefer Cover Girl or Maybelline.

So what do you guys think?  Is dressing up like a doll weird or no?  Let me know in the comments section.  Do you do weird stuff when no one is looking?  Nevermind, I don’t want to know.