An Open Letter to My School District

In order to make this letter appropriate and professional, I have censored all wordy dirds. 

Dear BeepHeads,

Thank you so beeping much for not closing the beeping schools today.  It was beeping -11 windchill and the roads were beeping packed with beeping ice and snow making dangerous beeping road conditions that no beeping person would ever beeping go out into if they had any beeping sense.  But of course, beeping school cannot be cancelled for any beeping beeping reason.

I’m thrilled you think so beeping little of my children’s safety.  It warms my cold, dead heart.  I do hope if there are a beep-load of beeping wrecks all over the beeping road this morning, that this doesn’t weigh too heavily on your beeping conscience.  For that matter, oh beeping university at which I work, I hope you don’t beeping mind if a few of your beeping students and employees drop dead of beeping frostbite while walking the three or four beeping miles from their beeping parking spaces to the beeping school buildings.


But we got out in this beeping weather anyway, because we knew you beeping people would come after us because we beeping must never miss school or you won’t get money, er I mean their beeping education might suffer.  But at least we know you are beeping thinking of us while you stay in your beeping warm homes or park in your beeping reserved beeping parking spaces.  I would not feel terribly if you got beeping stuck in the beeping snow while going to your beeping country club meetings later today.

Beeping Sincerely,



60 responses

  1. I would like to beeping say, Yes! We’re at -10F with a -22F windchill factor and because the kids have missed so many days from the polar vortex and this is beeping Minnesota, it’s a badge of honor to freeze our beeping beeps off acting as if this is totally normal to be out in this beep. And if one more beeper says “in my day, we never missed blah, blah, blah”, I will punch them in their beeping frostbitten nose.

    1. Oh, no kidding. I hate that “In my day, we went to school in snow, heat, and radiation and we didn’t complain, not even when our arms fell off.” Please. I just wonder how these people really sleep at night when there are wrecks all over the place. I’m sure they think “Not our fault, bad drivers.” BEEEEP!

      Oh, and I’m in Texas, which isn’t anything like Minnesota, so we’re even more clueless about driving in snow and ice.

      1. We don’t get any driving bragging rights here. People drive like it’s the first time they’ve ever seen snow. Every single time it snows.

        1. Haha, yes, God forbid someone stop texting long enough to try to navigate in the snow.

      2. When we were kids, they’d call it a snow day and have us make it up in May by watching movies and playing dodge ball.

        1. Yeah, that was pretty much the end of May no matter what.

    1. Sadly, Mr. Roadrunner was killed today when he slid on the ice going 600 mph and smacked face first into a semi-truck. On the plus side, a coyote came and offered to clean up the mess for free.

      1. Killed? By Acme Trucking Company?

        1. That would be fitting, wouldn’t it?

  2. I can’t imagine how beeping miserable it is in this kind of weather. It’s a balmy 32F this morning in upstate South Carolina, but I would seriously get up and cry every morning I woke up and saw the piles of snow y’all get up north. No kidding, I would have a SAD so severe, someone would have to institutionalize me every winter. There’s lots of things I don’t love about the South, but the weather is not one of them. Even during our 100-degree heat waves we end up having once a summer, I’m all, “But it beats the bone-chilling cold northerners have in the winter.”

    P.S. Please don’t virtually slap me about mentioning our “warmer” weather. I wasn’t trying to rub it in!

    1. See, I’m in Texas! It’s not quite that South, but STILL. We get maybe a few snow days a year, so what is the big deal about it closing? Arghhhh. I also get that SAD stuff, and this morning I was MAD MAD MAD. So are most of our coworkers. I think there may not be much work done today.

      Oh, I got something called a “Happy Light” that is supposed to help with SAD. I’ll see if it does anything.

      1. Oh, I didn’t realize you were in Texas! And that’s southern enough! We’re pretty even along the map. What the BLEEP, school district? I do have a friend who lives in western NC, and when the first “polar vortex” came through and there was a wind chill of -5 or so, they cancelled school. Two weeks later, when the wind chill even lower, they didn’t even have a delay. She was pissed.

        1. A lot of us are sitting at work today pissed, lol. Really productive day ahead!

  3. Beeping awesome! Beep this Beeper Beepers!

    1. I am making the Beep sign right now!

  4. We close when they think it may snow, we open when there is snow. Our district is back-asswards.

    1. Sounds like mine. Usually I’m like oh we’ll go. This time I was SURE they’d close. Stupid me.

  5. You should have called in beeping dead.

    1. I was really beeping tempted to – but Thing One has already missed like 20 days of school due to asthma and allergy crap – which the frigid cold air should help! And I have hardly any time left either . . . but still sooooo tempting.

  6. Our school district didn’t close a week ago. Well none did in Austin and surrounding. Then a bus crashed and one kid got hurt really badly. Then there was a scramble to close all the schools. The Austin metroplex had over 275 accidents by 10AM.

    Today school was delayed by 2 hours.

    1. Ugh, that’s terrible. Yeah, Austin really isn’t used to snow, is it? I’m in North Texas. We usually get a snow storm at least once a year, and we’ve driven on ice and snow but people still don’t get it. And even if you are really careful, there are still wrecks all the time. I just can’t imagine how that wouldn’t weight on someone’s conscience. Ugh.

      1. Oh yeah, I moved here from Plano. Yeah, the big problem that day was the black ice

  7. We got about a foot and a half of snow yesterday and my work was open. Many of the classes were cancelled, but the college was still open. So I took a vacation day. We have the safest drivers in the country, yet that makes people think they are invincible – and that makes it dangerous for the other people! UGH! Not worth dying trying to get to work!

    1. No, it’s not. If I still lived 15 miles away, I wouldn’t, but my father offered to take us and that helped. I’m also low on leave time, which sucks. I LOVE it when they cancel classes but have the college be open. Because . . . someone will actually show up? Why? Stupid people.

  8. Beep yeah, you tell em Alice! 😀

    1. I think I beeping will – in my beeping anonymous blog here . . .

  9. Bravo! You are one bleepin’ cool broad. I wrote a blog about bleepin’ snow days awhile back. For some reason it’s gone crazy in the U.S. right now (perhaps all of your snow days or lack thereof?). Check it out if you get the chance.

    1. Thanks. Sure, I’d be happy to look at your beepin’ post. 😀

  10. I can’t beeping comment on this at all. I beeping went out last month of my own free will and went to beeping work the night we got 10 beeping inches of snow, on a beeping Sunday when the beeping city hadn’t done beeping anything to the roads yet. I’m a creature of habit, and beeping beep if Mother Beeping Nature is going to beeping keep me from my beeping routine!!!

    1. You are one beeping tough squirrel.

  11. It’s two bad your whole household got food poisoning last night and you all had to call in sick today. Shucks darn. That’s just lousy timing, because I’m sure The Things would have loved to be at school today. And I know you always hate missing work. Hopefully you’ll all be feeling better tomorrow?

    Beep ’em if they can’t take a joke?

    1. Sorry I can’t come in, we’ve got the beeping plague here!

  12. Well, at least you’re not angry. 😉

    1. I knew you’d understand! 😀

      1. Yeah, mostly because I’m dealing with the same shit here. By the time I left campus last night at 8:15 the air temp was below zero and the wind chills were dangerous – but by god, we still had class. Lousy bleepers.

  13. Solution: Move to South Florida. Funny, funny stuff!

    1. Thanks. I like your beeping name, that’s awesome.Florida is great except it’s really muggy and you have to take showers midday and the water tastes like sulfur and the traffic is horrible – maybe a little snow is not too bad . . .

      1. Only well water tastes like sulfur, plus, once you’ve been here awhile, you’ll lean towards wearing more perfume and creating more personal space so that you don’t notice how much those around you stink. Plus, we’ve got Rick Scott! How many lucky states have Voldemort – in both appearance and demeanor – for a governor?

  14. But it seems like there are just as many people who will react just as much if the school does close. Can’t please everybody

    1. I really don’t beeping care about those people. I care about my kids and not getting in wrecks or getting hypothermia. But that’s just me.

      1. Well if you’re gonna be all selfish like that…

  15. but if your kids didn’t go to school, how would they learn to read between the lines to learn what the “beeps” really should be?

  16. Late but fu..I mean bleeping laughing. Our work gives us days where we don’t have to dress business…and tells us to come in safely. We don’t save lives…The perfect memo would state…just don’t come in.

  17. So so so accurate. The logic behind these decisions, well there doesn’t seem to be any. Good luck!

    1. Nope. We’re supposed to get another snow storm next week. Here’s hoping!

  18. Clearly there’s beeper all joined up thinking going on right now. A bit like herein the UK really, where we have a bit of a flood problem in the south west with more rain due and everyone is blaming everyone else for it, and some bright spark tried to blame gay marriage because apparently in deciding to allow it, we’ve beeped God off. Go figure. (Dear God, please save me from the Christians…)

    1. God gets mad a the darndest things! Sometimes I wish He’d get mad at all those fake Christians.

      1. Me too. Westboro so-called Baptist Church just give the rest of us a bad name.

  19. Is now a good time to complain that it was only in the high 60’s this week, got down to the low forties, and wearing shorts on Monday was a bit of a mistake? At least out was cloudy. Non-stop sunny days do get so dull.

    1. I’m just glad it doesn’t tend to get up to brain melting 110 or more here.

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