Strange Addictions: Bieberfied?

Learn what you never wanted to know!

Learn what you never wanted to know!

This week on “Strange Addictions”, we get a lady eating beauty products, and a guy using plastic surgery to look like Justin Bieber.  I’m not sure which one is worse.  You can’t make this crap up.

Dun, dun, dunnnnn!

Dun, dun, dunnnnn!

First up, we have Brittoni, a lady who is a little confused about how makeup works.  Instead of putting it, say, on her face, she eats it.  She prefers eye shadow, but you know, it has to taste right.  Naturally.  So she goes to the store and shakes a little out and licks it to see if it is her flavor.  No reason to waste money on makeup that doesn’t taste good, am I right?  I’m never going to look at eye shadow quite the same way again.

Uh, there's a lady on aisle four licking the eye shadow . . .

Uh, there’s a lady on aisle four licking the eye shadow . . .

She decides to “come out” to her family, but here’s the kicker.  Mom and sister and she have this family tradition of making donuts and sprinkling baby powder on them.  When I first heard this, I thought I’d heard incorrectly.  Like, oh, that was powdered sugar, right?  Nopes.  We’re talking that stuff you’re supposed to be putting on a baby’s bum.

So the girl tells her family that she eats makeup, and they are totally understanding, cause they are eating baby powder donuts.  Just kidding.  They both act horribly shocked!.  Sister says “That is weird” as she takes another bite of a donut sprinkled with a Johnson & Johnson product.  Just – what?  They’re talking to her about how unhealthy this habit is, and how can she do this, – but – the donuts.  And the baby powder.  Lady, you’re holding the baby powder in  your hand while talking to your daughter and I just . . . nevermind.

She goes to the doctor at their suggestion (they are totes fine with their chemical laced donuts) and the doctor, not surprisingly, tells her eating makeup is not a good idea.  What gets me, though, is there’s no – hey, let’s figure out WHY you are eating makeup.  Either the girl has a nutritional deficiency major time, or she’s nuts, or maybe both, but – don’t just send her off with a warning.  I mean – I just – nevermind.

The girl does go on to quit her eye shadow addiction.  I’m guessing the baby powder donuts continue, though, cause totes normal.

You know how it says warning do not consume?  It was for guys like this.

You know how it says Warning: do not consume? It was for guys like this.

Next, we have Toby, a guy in his thirties who has been spending years and huge amounts of money to make himself look like . . . Justin Bieber.  Now, I think it’s kind of stupid to try to make yourself look like any pop star or actor but, really, Justin Bieber?  Couldn’t he at least have gone for someone with a little more testosterone?  Heck, Michael Bolton would be a better choice, dude, and his voice is higher than mine.

But this guy is convinced that Justin is the picture of gorgeous and  youthful, and he wants to be just like him.  I just don’t get it.  To me, Justin Bieber looks like a twelve-year-old who cuts his hair with a bowl.  Yet this guy is willing to go under the knife multiple times to completely reshape his face to resemble Justin’s.  Be afraid, Justin.  You just think being arrested is tough.  Wait till this guy finds you.

I just . . . don't . . . I . . . what?

I just . . . don’t . . . I . . . what?

He’s had operations I’ve never even heard of – forehead lifts, eyebrow lifts, hairline moved forward, nose jobs, chin reduction and implants, and holy cow who the hell does this?  TLC shows the before and afters and – frankly, our Toby looked better BEFORE he started all this stuff.  Which is not all that difficult.

He goes out to find more “Justin” like clothes, and tries to get people to guess who he looks like.  They don’t have a clue.  Undaunted, he says “Justin Bieber!” and they just blink.  Good grief.  He’s spent this much money, and he still doesn’t really resemble a guy he shouldn’t be trying to look like in the first place.  That is really, really sad.

He next goes to a plastic surgeon who is slightly concerned about all these surgeries he’s had, especially since TLC is there filming him.  When he suggests the dude invest his money in psychiatry (boy I hope he has savings), Toby just walks off.  He’ll just go to another plastic surgeon!  He doesn’t need help!  Nopes! Totally fine.

I wonder if the people on this show ever meet each other and then get together.  Maybelline girl and Bieber boy.  Wouldn’t that be a match made in Hell?

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80 responses

  1. What a waste of eyeshadow. Don’t even want to think what happens when she goes to the bathroom…

    Pica, eating non-food substances, can be a sign of schizophrenia. Not sure if they have mentioned that before.

    1. I hadn’t heard that! I had a craving for ice chips, which is a form of pica, when I was pregnant with Thing One. Fortunately, it was just ice and not beauty products. But schizophrenia, huh. Of course I had to look it up – and I saw a list of stuff that is eaten and . . . oh wow, they’ve got a bunch more episodes coming up, I’m sure.

      I’m guessing her poops look purple and sparkly, like unicorn dung.

      1. I missed the ice chips being a form of pica…the kid eats ice without thinking about it.

        Yeah, I was going to mention some other examples but as you saw, it gets pretty extensive and gross.

  2. Maybe the lady would use it for her “mind’s eye”, then I think it is correct to eat it :o)

    1. Eating eyeballs? Mind eyeballs?

  3. Why shit like this has a place on a network that’s allegedly for learning is beyond me. Where do they find these people?

      1. I’ve seen a lot of shit in Walmart, but never anything like that.

        1. You should come visit my Walmart …

          1. I spent 13 years working in one. I have no desire to see any more things that I can’t unsee.

          2. Guess where I’ll have to work if I don’t get the job I just interviewed for? Yeah.

          3. Hey, it’s a job.

          4. That’s what I keep telling myself! Though if it comes to it I’m taking a page out of ES’s book and going for nights lol

          5. It pays more.

          6. That I didn’t know. (I know, amazing, I didn’t know something! 😉 )

          7. Yeah, there’s a differential rate for 3rd shift. Sometimes it’s not much. Sometimes it’s quite substantial. Depends on where you live and what the competitive wages are in that area.

      2. Hahaha! Considering that they have a whole site devoted to weird people there . . .

    1. Funny you should ask that. I just saw on the website that they are now taking sex injury stories for ER Sexy Times! Now is your chance!

      1. Um, I don’t have any.

          1. Really, I don’t. There are some funny stories, but not any “ouch, that hurt” stories.

          2. Well, clearly you are just too boring to try it in a tree. 😀

          3. Um, that’s a different kinda wood.

          4. Is that a branch in your pants or do you just have a fractured peen?

          5. No, it’s a trunk.

          6. I thought that was in the back.

          7. Shows what you know.

  4. That’s it, CHECK PLEASE! I don’t want to live in a world where someone would spend money to look like Bieber.

    1. I know! I was like, sheesh, I could almost see anyone but Bieber. At least he didn’t want to look like Rush Limbaugh.

  5. Thank you for watching TV so I don’t have to!

    1. You’re welcome. To think I’d gone so long without watching TV – I have missed so much. So, so, so much.

      1. And thanks to you I will miss nothing! Seeing these shows through your eyes is probably better anyhow!

  6. What scares me is that there are plastic surgeons willing to operate on that guy. I’d have trouble sleeping at night if that were me.

    1. No kidding. There has to be a limit to the number of times you can pay someone to cut your face. I couldn’t imagine getting plastic surgery unless I had been through a serious accident or Cancer or something and maybe not even then. Yikes.

      1. Yeah, I’m not a fan of anesthesia, so by default, I’m not a fan of elective surgery. Of course, it’s safe the vast majority of times, but I figure why rock the boat?

        1. Not related, but I saw this Dave Barry quote about book signings and thought of you: “This is Author Hell. You sit there, at your little table, and people stare at you as they walk past, or ask you where the astrology books are. Or sometimes they pick up your book, examine it, and then put it down as though it’s a piece of goat dung. After a while, the bookstore employees, feeling sorry for you, start lying. “Don’t feel bad!” they say. “We had Madonna in here last week, and nobody came to see her either!”

          1. Ha, yes, that’s exactly how it feels!! Probably why I’ve only done two of them so far. Thanks for that–made me laugh. 🙂

          2. And if that happens to Dave Berry, there’s no hope for the rest of us!

          3. I know! I had the opportunity to see him at a TLA convention – he was hilarious. I got him to sign a book and he shook my hand. My husband said “You’re never going to wash that now, are you?” Haha.

  7. Maybe makeup girl just wants to look pretty on the inside…

    1. I hear metallic livers are all the rage now.

  8. I don’t think I even have words…baby powder donuts…I will never look at donuts the same again. Gross.

    1. Yes! And that they saw that as normal! I just – I kept saying – but – but – the donuts!

  9. We live in a scary world.
    Can you imagine? Two of them walking around. *shudders*
    Oh, and yeah, the baby powder things is totally normal. Everyone knows that.

    1. It was news to me. Now donuts dipped in perfume, I get, but really.

      1. Not only do the taste fantastic, but they smell fantastic too.

        1. You know you are dealing with someone sophisticated when their breath smells like Chanel No. 5.

          1. I might have just spit up a little…
            Luckily, a few perfumed donuts will take care of that straight away.

          2. The comments are making me laugh even harder than the blog post! Well, that’s likely because I read the post in utter HORROR! Baby powder on donuts is NO laughing matter! Hey! Maybe their mother was all out of containers and used to sprinkle POWDERED SUGAR on her kids’ donuts using a CLEANED OUT baby powder thingy? I’m reaching – but I somehow want to make these people normal!

          3. I do love the comments! While watching the show, I just kept staring and pointing and saying “But, but – baby powder! Look! Don’t you – hey, TLC cameraman – look! Look at the baby powder! On the donuts!”

          4. You have great self control … I would have been howling to wake the dead!

          5. They actually make perfume candy: http://perfumecandy.com/ – “The rose candy that leaves you with a fresh scent when you sweat!”

          6. Da fuq? Ha! That’s what I need – sweet smelling sweat. I like that it’s called “Deo” like deodorant. I wonder when they’ll get back to the episode where the lady ate deodorant.

  10. I wish I could afford to eat my beauty products… maybe they work better that way ? =) Not to make light of someone who needs a little help.

    1. Eating beauty products seems to be a trend with these people. I must admit I have never looked at my blush and gone, “Hey, the color is Tangerine Bloom. I wonder if it really tastes like tangerines?”

  11. Maybe the Bieber guy is part of a cunning body-double plan, so that Bieber can continue being a prat while Toby does his jail time for him.

    1. It’s BRILLIANT! Miley Cyrus should really look into that. Wait, I bet there’s probably someone trying to look like Miley. It’s only a matter of time before TLC finds her. Someone has to twerk when Miley can’t.

      1. True – twerking can be very hard on the hips, I hear.

  12. I’ve never been more depressed in my life.

    1. Just wait till we get to the guy and his car . . . I was hiding under my blankets.

  13. the doctor sounds irresponsible. Up on my happy high horse here but that family should be offered an investigatory assessment. They already know it isn’t a good idea but they driven to do it. Pica and pica type behaviors don’t come with much choice attached.

    1. I thought so too! The doctor did do tests to make sure she wasn’t dying, but of course she hadn’t managed to damage herself too much YET, so it was like, yay! I mean, look, if this lady was sensible enough to want to stop eating makeup because it was bad for her, she would have never started eating it in the freaking first place!

  14. The makeup-eating lady might just be a little unclear on the concept of “inner beauty.”

    My cat eats plastic. Do you think I could get him on the show?

    1. I don’t see why not. I think the cat would be a lot more interesting.

  15. She poos rainbows.
    As for the guy, I seriously don’t get. A monthly membership to the shrink would be way cheaper. I just wonder if his family, his bf (because he’s gay right? he better be!) think that’s cute. If so, they should be put down too.

    1. Ack, I forgot which show I was covering there for a minute – wait till we get to the guy having a romance with his car. Anyway, yeah, I wonder if Bieber boy has ever had a relationship with either sex. I mean, if he’s gay (surely most gay guys have better taste?), then why not find some guy who looks like Bieber to go out with? Or does he go out with himself . . . I don’t wanna know.

  16. That is quality TV right there.
    Um, sometimes I lick the spoon when I bake cookies. Maybe I can be on the show.

    1. It depends on what you put in the cookies. Formaldehyde? Live frogs? Nails? Then you’re golden!

  17. It’s scientifically proven that putting the highly absorbent baby powder on a donut can reduce excessive salivation and may absorb cosmetics.

    1. I did not know this! That girl should start upping her donut eating, stat!

  18. How does one even begin a habit like this? Crazy!

    1. It is crazy, but I kind of feel the same way about Olympic sports like ice skating. How do you practice for something like that? Okay, skate backwards, then throw self into the air . . . smash! I just can’t imagine who even came up with doing that!

  19. Would it be too mean to want the Bieber lookalike guy to overdose on makeup products and die?

    I don’t want to come off…curmudgeonly.

    1. I dunno, I think he’s probably going to kill himself with the plastic surgery first, but who knows?

      1. Just gross. All of it. The Bieber guy, the makeup chick, the powder eaters-
        I fucking thought I was weird. I’m June Cleaver next to these freaks.

  20. I can’t imagine why anyone would want to put themselves through all that surgery just to look like someone else who doesn’t actually have all their shit together either.

    I can understand wanting to be someone else for a little while, just because sometimes our own lives can be overwhelming. Kudos to the surgeon who suggested psychiatry to Beiberdude.

    1. Yes, exactly! I mean, even if the surgeons had absolute no morals whatsoever, you’d think they’d be concerned about malpractice suits. That’s gonna cost a lot more than whatever they’ll get for the guy’s last procedure.

  21. People come here to read you recap an episode? Really? Is this how much of a pitiful excuse your “blog” is? Lol.

    1. Really? Big talk coming from someone who has only one post on their own blog. Go away, troll. WordPress isn’t the place to spread your bullshit.

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