Strange Addictions: Talkin’ bout car love

This time on Strange Addictions . . . okay, I heard about this episode.  It’s about as infamous as the tampon scene in 50 Shades of Grey.  But – the actual watching of it – ZOMG – the horror.  The horror.

Run.  Run now.  While you can!

Run. Run now. While you can!

Where was I?  Oh, right, this episode we have a lady who snorts baby powder, and a guy who is in love with his car.  Okay.  Buck up, Alice.

First up we have Jaye, a 28-year-old from Houston, Texas who likes to snort baby powder up her nose.  It’s like Cocaine, only with Cocaine I’m guessing you actually get some sort of high.  I have no idea what you get when you snort baby powder.

You get weird, peeps.

You get weird, peeps.

Well, besides looking like you’ve had your face in a bunch of powdered donuts.  Come to think of it, she might get along with that family I talked about last time who put the baby powder on their donuts.  I wonder if one could snort an entire baby powder covered donut up her nose?  You might be wondering why someone would decide one day to just snort baby powder.

Because it just looked so yummy?

Because it just looked so yummy?

Well, apparently she liked the smell, so she’d hold it close to her face. And then she’d touch it to her nose.  And then, oh heck with it, let’s just suck that stuff right up there!  On the plus side, her nose smells like Love’s Baby Soft.  On the negative, she’s been inhaling white powder into her lungs.  For SIXTEEN YEARS.  She goes to the doctor, who, shock, says this is not a good idea.  I bet he wouldn’t like baby powder on donuts, either.  I forget whether she stopped snorting the baby powder.  Maybe because I was soooo horrified by the next segment.

Just to lighten the mood a little, I’m going to put up a picture of a cute kitten.  Remember the kitten, peeps.

I know, kitty, I know.

I know, kitty, I know.

Ooookay, so next we have Nathaniel.   Nat’s 27-years-old and he has a car.  Named Chase.  And they’re kind of going steady.  He and the car.  For five years.  And . . . and . . . he has sex with the car.  Yup.  He does.

Soft kitty, warm kitty, little ball of fur . . .

Soft kitty, warm kitty, little ball of fur . . .

What fascinates me is that Chase the car is a boy.  So does that mean Nathaniel is gay, or just car gay?  What exactly was it that made Chase a male rather than a female?  Is my car a male or a female?  I don’t know.  I haven’t done that much checking under the hood.  I was a little confused.

Me.

My reaction to the idea of car sex.

Anyway, I couldn’t figure out how they could possibly have an intimate relationship.  Until TLC showed him french-kissing the car.  And – fondling the steering wheel.  I just . . . why . . I don’t . . nope, nope, nope.

my reaction to car sex demonstrated

my reaction to car sex demonstrated

Ah, but there’s hope, cause he’s going to “come out” to Dad.  Poor, poor Dad.

Dad laughs nervously, clears his throat, and says “It’s okay, son, I accept you.”  I think this is because there’s a camera rolling.  Otherwise I’m pretty sure there would HAVE to be cursing.  No one’s this understanding.  This is why I hate the argument that if you let people marry the same sex, suddenly they’ll start marrying cars and goats and whatever.  Not the same thing, people. NOT EVEN CLOSE.

But Dad, we're in love!

But Dad, we’re in love!

Just how does this even happen?  You’re just walking through the car lot one day and “OMG she’s the one!”  Do you start off dating scooters and work your way up to cars or do you just go for the big times right away?  So many questions I so don’t want answered.

I don’t think I can ever get a car like Chase without wondering what the last owner did to it.  Nope, nope, nope.

So, peeps, anyone ever been tempted to nom on some baby powder?  Have you ever seen your car as more than a friend?  Please don’t tell me.

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38 responses

  1. Maybe Chase is a boy because he has a stick shift?

    Love’s Baby Soft was da bomb back when I was in 5th grade.

    1. Well, I sure hope he has a stick shift. I liked Love’s Baby Soft until Thing Two got some for Christmas and took a bath in it. Ughhhh.

      1. I am not sure if I would prefer that over the perpetual Axe cloud that has followed the kid since middle school. At least those are different from time to time.

  2. I agree with you, I have a bad feeling to buy a used car. Who knows what the owner did to it…. I’ve read about a guy who had allegedly sex with 1000 cars. But now he is in a relationship with Vanilla a VW Beetle….

    1. Wait, for real? So he’s like a car sex addict? Dating a VW, though. He’s really letting his standards down, huh?

        1. OMG, this is unreal. It’s a whole other blog post! Lost his virginity to a car, just – how does one DO that?

          1. I’m not sure if I would like to see it :o) But that’s really crazy….

  3. I wonder what aliens would think if they visited earth and watched some of our television shows. They’d probably scurry right back home. Or annihilate us.

    1. Yeah, I’d be worried if that was the show I saw first. So they mate with their transportation? Let us go to the next solar system!

    2. Very likely the only thing keeping them away is TLC broadcasts. 😉 If they ever do show up, they will likely say, “Show me to your Corvette.”

      1. We heard about a little red corvette from a purple man do you have it?

      2. Ha! Then by all means, we better keep those TLC broadcasts coming.

        1. My thoughts exactly, Carrie! 😉

  4. This explains a lot about who the people of Houston elect to Congress.

    1. It explains a lot about Houston!

  5. I had a fling with a toaster once, but a car? No way.

    1. You have to know your boundaries, there.

      1. A car would break me in half.

        1. Maybe try a motorcyle. Or a segway.

          1. Perhaps I will just stick with real peens.

          2. Well, if you want to be boring.

          3. Yeah, my crazy appliance banging days are done, now.

  6. I think I’m just going to restrict all television viewing to MASH reruns from now on…

    1. Remember the one where Hawkeye got it on with the chopper?

      1. OH FOR GOODNESS SAKE!!!

        *flips channel to Electric Company*

  7. Right. At the very same seconds I am replying to your post, I am watching a clip of the episode on YouTube.
    Okay, there he is, calling his car a handsome man. Ooooo I like the really creepy music, like the programme makers aren’t projecting ANY kind of message of just how weird they think he is OH GOD NOW HE’S LYING UNDERNEATH THE CAR AND TENDERLY KISSING THE BONNET AND WHISPERING ‘LOVE YOU BABY’ that’s definitely weird.
    Oooooo look at Nathanial’s roommate.
    Objectophillia? Is that a word? They made that up.
    He’s definitely French kissing the car, isn’t he? ‘We always have such a good time together’. You know what else you can have a good time with, Nathaniel? PEOPLE. And bunnies. Bunnies are great fun.
    Oh now the episode snippet has finished and I can leave these strange addictions OH MY GOD THERE’S AN EPISODE ABOUT A BOY WHO’S ADDICTED TO INFLATABLE ANIMALS, THERE IS NO WAY I AM NOT WATCHING THAT.
    *watching*
    I think I am going to just go and sit down somewhere quiet. Alone.
    I think you need to meet Mark. And his 15 inflatable animals.

    1. Haha! Yes, I might have to write down my thoughts as I watch to better give an idea of my horror of this show. I saw the guy with the inflatables a while back before I started covering the show. Like, dude, at least get an inflatable WOMAN. Or man, I don’t care, just not Flipper, mmkay?

      Bunnies are definitely more fun than cars, but I hate to think what Nathaniel might do with one.

  8. That poor car must feel so … used.

    1. Yeah, is he sure the car said yes? I think he had relations with the car when it wasn’t running – isn’t that taking advantage?

  9. I just… did he want to ruin any chance at a relationship for life? I mean seriously. If he ever tried to date a real girl and she googled him – she’d totally run!

    Unless maybe she snorts baby powder… I guess they’re pretty even there…

    1. Yeah, that’s true. I know he wouldn’t be a winner in my book. I’d be getting car bras and stuff for my cars – protection, you know.

      1. I’m going to try to be back ^.^ It comes and goes for now :p

  10. Sometimes I’m glad I don’t have cable. I couldn’t handle the frequent nightmares! 😀

    1. That one was certainly nightmarish. I almost hid under my bed.

  11. I’m with the kitten. Please, can someone invent brain bleach so we can unsee all this?

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