Strange Addictions: Talkin’ bout car love

This time on Strange Addictions . . . okay, I heard about this episode.  It’s about as infamous as the tampon scene in 50 Shades of Grey.  But – the actual watching of it – ZOMG – the horror.  The horror.

Run. Run now. While you can!

Where was I?  Oh, right, this episode we have a lady who snorts baby powder, and a guy who is in love with his car.  Okay.  Buck up, Alice.

First up we have Jaye, a 28-year-old from Houston, Texas who likes to snort baby powder up her nose.  It’s like Cocaine, only with Cocaine I’m guessing you actually get some sort of high.  I have no idea what you get when you snort baby powder.

You get weird, peeps.

Well, besides looking like you’ve had your face in a bunch of powdered donuts.  Come to think of it, she might get along with that family I talked about last time who put the baby powder on their donuts.  I wonder if one could snort an entire baby powder covered donut up her nose?  You might be wondering why someone would decide one day to just snort baby powder.

Because it just looked so yummy?

Well, apparently she liked the smell, so she’d hold it close to her face. And then she’d touch it to her nose.  And then, oh heck with it, let’s just suck that stuff right up there!  On the plus side, her nose smells like Love’s Baby Soft.  On the negative, she’s been inhaling white powder into her lungs.  For SIXTEEN YEARS.  She goes to the doctor, who, shock, says this is not a good idea.  I bet he wouldn’t like baby powder on donuts, either.  I forget whether she stopped snorting the baby powder.  Maybe because I was soooo horrified by the next segment.

Just to lighten the mood a little, I’m going to put up a picture of a cute kitten.  Remember the kitten, peeps.

I know, kitty, I know.

Ooookay, so next we have Nathaniel.   Nat’s 27-years-old and he has a car.  Named Chase.  And they’re kind of going steady.  He and the car.  For five years.  And . . . and . . . he has sex with the car.  Yup.  He does.

Soft kitty, warm kitty, little ball of fur . . .

What fascinates me is that Chase the car is a boy.  So does that mean Nathaniel is gay, or just car gay?  What exactly was it that made Chase a male rather than a female?  Is my car a male or a female?  I don’t know.  I haven’t done that much checking under the hood.  I was a little confused.

My reaction to the idea of car sex.

Anyway, I couldn’t figure out how they could possibly have an intimate relationship.  Until TLC showed him french-kissing the car.  And – fondling the steering wheel.  I just . . . why . . I don’t . . nope, nope, nope.

my reaction to car sex demonstrated

Ah, but there’s hope, cause he’s going to “come out” to Dad.  Poor, poor Dad.

Dad laughs nervously, clears his throat, and says “It’s okay, son, I accept you.”  I think this is because there’s a camera rolling.  Otherwise I’m pretty sure there would HAVE to be cursing.  No one’s this understanding.  This is why I hate the argument that if you let people marry the same sex, suddenly they’ll start marrying cars and goats and whatever.  Not the same thing, people. NOT EVEN CLOSE.

But Dad, we’re in love!

Just how does this even happen?  You’re just walking through the car lot one day and “OMG she’s the one!”  Do you start off dating scooters and work your way up to cars or do you just go for the big times right away?  So many questions I so don’t want answered.

I don’t think I can ever get a car like Chase without wondering what the last owner did to it.  Nope, nope, nope.

So, peeps, anyone ever been tempted to nom on some baby powder?  Have you ever seen your car as more than a friend?  Please don’t tell me.