Strange Addictions: E.T. Phone . . . Boobs?

The station that dares to stoop lower than Jerry Springer!

The station that dares to stoop lower than Jerry Springer!

Yeah, we’re back with another dose of strange addictions.  Thank goodness they give us the warning at the beginning not to try this at home.  I was so close to nomming on my fruit shaped eraser.  It’s so realistic and smells good too!

Boobies Edition!

Boobies Edition!

This episode involves no eating of nonedible products, so yay!  It does, however, involve a lady so goofed up they devoted the entire episode just to her.  Or it might have been because TLC really liked seeing those ginormous boobs.

How big were they, Alice?  Dolly Parton looks like a Double Minus A cup compared to this woman.  Heck, the bride of Godzilla would probably have smaller mammary glands, and they’d be much more functional too.  If you’ve ever played a video game, or read comics, you know how insane they can get with drawing the boobs.  These chicks have boobs bigger than their heads.  It’s crazy.  This lady leaves them behind.  Way behind.  When I first saw this woman, my jaw dropped, and as you know, I’ve seen a lot of weird crap just working in a library.

But nothing quite like this . . .

But nothing quite like this . . .

Not only does she have a rack that can actually serve drinks (she demonstrates), she also has an enormous silicon-filled caboose.  It’s – just – I think even Sir Mix-A-Lot would be saying “Daaaaahmmmn, guuuurl!”  The thing is a bench.  You could probably sit on her comfortably, except then she’d fall over on her boobs and not be able to get up.  Really – she has to have help getting up if she lays on her back.  I can imagine all sorts of reasons this lady might be heading to the ER.  Suffocation is just one of them.

She has so much silicon in her boobs, that they weigh something like 20 pounds.  And they do party tricks.  If she puts a flashlight under her boobs, they light up from all the fluid.  They could make a science fiction movie based on this lady, and I can pretty much guarantee you’d get the usual demographic (18-25 year old males) filling the seats.

Lookie, her boobs double as jack-o-lanterns!

Lookie, her boobs double as jack-o-lanterns!

Her college aged son tries to persuade her to maybe drain the boobs a bit, but she surprises him with her decision to make them twice as big!  Poor kid.  It had to be fun having this lady as class mom.  Oops, got my boobs in the frosting!  Anyway, he expresses concern for her welfare, and says he wonders which she cares about more – her big boobs or her kids?  She skirts around it, but answer?  Boobs.

Her youngest child, a girl around nine, is the best part of the entire program.  They interview her, asking what she thinks about her mother’s boobs.  She says, “I like that they pay the rent, but they’re really weird.”  I love this kid.  Apparently, mom does modeling for people who like women with impossible proportions – I’m guessing car magazines.  But there’s the kid, saying it up front – maybe you make some money, but you’re a freak.  If your nine-year-old can figure this out, you might want to think it over, lady.

One melon plus one melon equals - I wonder if I can get them this size?

One melon plus one melon equals – I wonder if I can get them this size?

But thinking does not seem her strong suit.  Perhaps she has had some silicon injected into her brain along with her boobs, butt, oh and I forgot, her lips which look like someone smashed them in a meat processor and they swelled up into little sausages.  But clearly, this is not enough for her.  She needs more.

She visits the plastic surgeon, but even he just shakes his head, refusing to work on her because it will freaking kill her.  All that silicon is not very healthy, nor is going through that many surgeries.  Also he might be the only plastic surgeon to have actual qualms about working on someone who’s batshit crazy.  Besides the dangers of silicon and surgery, I’m not sure how she’d walk without toppling over, even with the substantial butt in back.  I don’t know how she does it now.  She can’t even find clothes to fit her warped body.  I mean, damn, even Barbie can find clothes.  Lots of them.

Just, um, wow.

I just . . . couldn’t think up a caption for this one.  Give it your best shot.

But she’s no Barbie, even if she does have enough plastic to be one.  At the end of the show, TLC reports that she has found a surgeon willing to do the operation in the next few months.  Wait for a news story about a woman’s boobs spontaneously combusting into flames.  I be it will be our girl!

What about you guys?  Have you ever considered plastic surgery?  What would you want to change?

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33 responses

  1. Erm… all I can say is wow…

    You are right, when your 9 year old calls you out, it may be time to reassess your priorities. I am going to get my deviated septum fixed when I graduate college and have really good insurance again. While this is not considered cosmetic, I am going to have them do the whole shebang, so I come out of it with the nose I had when I was 19 and it had not been broken a few times yet. =)

    The decision is a purely selfish one… I want to be able to breathe, sure, but I also want to look like me again, but better. =) I draw the line at the nose, however. The idea of spending all that money on boobs and such is crazy to me… I prefer a scuba vacation, thanks very much ! =)

    1. I would say surgery to fix a broken nose sounds perfectly reasonable. You’re going to be under anesthesia for the septum anyway, so why not? Actually, most plastic surgery is probably reasonable as long as you, you know, do it ONCE.

      1. Thanks for being supportive ! =) Cannot imagine getting sliced and diced on a regular basis… =)

        1. After a while they start looking like those figures in claymation. Freaky.

  2. Sad that her son is telling her to “drain them”. Triple Zs y’all…be jealous (for the caption)?

    1. I might have added the “drain them” myself. I know he at least said to reduce the suckers. I like the caption, lol.

  3. I would get a new chin. I am pleased with my lady lumps.
    Hey, I have a loser badge too!

    1. I think my lady lumps are fine too. I wouldn’t mind a tummy tuck if it, you know, didn’t involve anesthesia or knives or them sucking your fat through a straw. Or pain. Otherwise, flat tummy here I come!

  4. Sooooo….this is totes normal, right? Honestly, how can that woman have a love life. Her boob are so big that no one could get close enough to her body to even hug her, let alone do anything else.

    What a boob. (Get it???)

    1. Anyone she goes out with is probably mostly interesting in hugging the boobs. Boing.

      I GET IT!

  5. I had a nose job many moons ago, somewhat disappointing, because no one noticed it :o)

    1. Oh, well, that would suck, but it’s still not as bad as what happened to the new wife of my boss’s ex-husband. She got plastic surgery on her face and asked the grandchildren if she looked any different. One of the kids said “You look older!” OUCH.

      1. oh that’s really bad, specially when we remember the ole saying: children and fools tell the truth… :o)

        1. Exactly! I think he was like five, so she couldn’t slap him. Hahaha.

  6. Plastic doesn’t get sick.
    Why would it need surgery?

    (Sorry, the only other comments possible would have required thinking about what I just read.)
    And I’m just not willing to go through that.)
    (Again.)

  7. Ick. No, never considered it. All of my surgeries have been to take care of issues, like not wanting to reproduce.

  8. I can’t imagine wanting to be known for the size of your boobers. How could you ever expect to be taken seriously? I admire her for trying to support her kids, but at the same time, what’s she doing to their psyches? That takes “being embarrassed to be seen with your mom” to a whole new level!

  9. Gag! I’ve never had surgery of any kind and wouldn’t do anything “cosmetic” for love or money. The day we can all be happy with our bodies the way they are will be a wonderful day, indeed…

  10. Serious serious gag-age. Like, whoa. I seriously can’t believe a surgeon would agree to make them bigger. As you said – already extremely dangerously oversize!! One of my least favorite things about extreme makeover was that the women would always get enormous boobs that looked super awkward, because they completely didn’t work with whatever frame they had.
    This show – man. I have a serious love/hate with TLC. Because I love watching the shows – but I hate that I love watching these shows… lol

  11. I rather feel sorry for her. As discussed in various talk shows already, this really is a psychological condition. She does need a doctor, one that should give her psychological therapy, not back problems and cancer.

    1. Yeah, and it’s sad that she still managed to find someone willing to do it. The guy should lose his license. Don’t even plastic surgeons take that “First do no harm” pledge too?

      1. I do believe so because their clients also go under the knife. I wonder if that’s considered malpractice…? That’s a very selfish, greedy doctor. Anyone with no medical background still knows it’s not going to be good for her. Even the son knows it’s not. She thinks men prefer it that way? Well, I doubt that most men will get attracted to something like THOSE if they still get bigger.. If they will be, I think they need therapy, too. And where’s the compassion even?

  12. I’d like to get rid of mine, as soon as my son is done using them (for their primary biological purpose).

    1. I prefer using them for their secondary biological purpose myself, but to each her own.

  13. Given the money? Hair restoration (does that work?) and straightish teeth would be all. I’d keep my assymetrical face, wonky nose and wrinkles. The photo is 10 years old.

    Like many guys, for me breast implants are a big turn-off. I’ve never come across them in the field and if I did I’d probably try to pretend it wasn’t obvious then suddenly fail, jump up and run away screaming.
    My wife ended up with one breast and a huge scar where the other one used to be. We looked through collections of reconstruction pix. Some of them looked OK or good under clothes but they all gave me the creeps naked, I preferred the flat chest and scar.

    The delicate wonderfulness of a real breast is not something which can be replicated or improved upon. Literally any shape is fine, I’ve never met a breast I didn’t like. 🙂

    1. That you liked your wife the way she was says a lot. I can’t imagine going through something like a mastectomy. Women DO identify femininity with breasts, much like men do with their “special friend.” But we aren’t our bodies, as you recognize. 😀

  14. You know how sometimes, when people get cosmetic surgery, something goes horribly wrong and they wind up lopsided or scarred or paralyzed? I’m pretty sure that if I had cosmetic surgery, that would be me.

    1. My exact thoughts. I would get those lumpity bumpity pitted thigh things. Or a permanent Joker smile.

  15. Presumably the advantage is that if she falls over forwards she just bounces back up again?

  16. The only thing I would consider changing is my nose, but the pain and the two black eyes that accompany a nose job make me realise that maybe mine is OK as it is.

    1. I know! Yikes, people really look awful after surgery. I had surgery to remove a no longer needed organ, and I can’t say it’s something I’d do on a lark, that’s for sure!

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